Love or Toxicity? When Enough is Enough

A friend told me this-a story, unfortunately with which many people could sympathize. She is 24, and for the past three years, she has been in a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend, 25. But after all those months, the crack in their love had grown into full-blown emotional wounds, and finally, she did wonder whether it was already time to break up.

One of the first red flags she had with him was his interactions with another girl: before they were together, he had flirted with her and exchanged professed “I love you”s with her. He later assured her this was just friendship, but one day my friend caught him staring at her Instagram photo for a very long, drawn-out uncomfortable amount of time. When approached, he referred to her “psycho” for not trusting him.

Their sex life has been almost null, and when this happens infrequently, he never seems to be there. He once admitted to thinking about porn during their encounters and even confessed that random women were more desirable-a self-esteem-shattering comment.

It didn’t stop there. His friends were always more important than she ever was. When she would go see him, one time he asked her to walk to the train station alone at 3:30 am. He never apologized for two months.

My friend fought for her relationship, trying to regain their lost intimate time, begged his attention, while he would answer with the same thing: “You’re too needy; you need therapy.” Eventually, he confessed, “I just didn’t feel like doing things for her. I’d rather please my friends.”

Now she’s wondering if she should let go and choose, finally, herself over a person who never valued her.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***