Breakup Threats and Birthday Parties

We have all had a fight with our partner, but when you have been with someone for five years, the words they say come differently. Especially when they talk about something so sensitive as sex with someone else. This isn’t my story, nor a friend’s, but it’s one that struck a chord. A girl (19F) has been with her boyfriend (20M) for five years. They grew together, understood life together, and, more or less, were first loves for each other. They have been each other’s experience.

Lately, however, it’s not so great, though. The constant argument almost seems to be leaving an impression upon their relationship. It’s that kind of situation in which everything sparks off an argument, and discussions about breaking up become part and parcel of the fights they have.

That was the ultimate indignity when the boyfriend made a point of telling his girlfriend about his party on turning 21. He insisted that he should invite a lot of girls because, he said, “there’s only two things that lower testosterone, f***ing and fighting.” His girlfriend was really caught off guard by this. Never had she thought that he would do anything to flirt with another girl, especially when considering the nature of their relationship with each other. Now, out of the blue, he starts talking about them like they’re choices—like they’re part of some party package deal for his birthday.

Their argument over breaking up reached new heights when she asked if he would actually f*** somebody else right after they broke up, especially if that were to happen at his birthday party. His answer: A cold and blunt “yes.” He says that if the opportunity came his way, he wouldnt hold back. He says it’ll be his way of coping with the breakup, of forgetting everything that had piled up inside him emotionally.

What she was really shocked by was the fact that he seemed to not even care about how this would be affecting her. He just muttered, “If someone were to ask me, I wouldn’t like to say, “Oh my ex told me I can’t.”” He perceived this as a pride matter. Any other commitment she had to him was weird and unrealistic.

This was very painful for the girl. She had been in love with him for so long, and the fact that he would go with someone this soon after they separated was something that hurt her a lot. She could never think of doing that to him, yet he seemed to have no issue with it.

I don’t think the real question here is actually what he said. It’s what she should do next. She knows how he acts out over anything that sets his anger off, and she fears that if they break up, he will literally sleep with somebody else just to spite her. Should she break up with him and take that risk? Or should she stay, knowing this is actually how he does think of relationships?

That’s a tough situation to be in-love, loyalty, respect-this when you do not know whether your partner values the things you do. It’s up to her whether it’s worth staying in your life and having the heartbreak or whether she should walk away from this being on the edge to dive.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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