Yes For Self
I’ve long since struggled with a very important word universal to all languages.
No.
It’s quick, easy, and effective.
And yet, I default to yes more often than not. Not, of course, a derivative of no.
Why? Because I’m typically a people pleaser. A “go-with-the-flow” guy. This is all fine and good…for other people, but it’s not so good for me. I’m realizing now, after a lifetime of agreement and acquiescence, that although powerful, affirming, and generally positive, yes to everything can have unintended consequences.
By saying yes to other people and things, we are saying no to ourselves. We are limiting our options, our stances, our wants and needs, when we say yes.
It’s difficult at first to say no. We think we’re going to hurt the other person, or that we’ll be outcast, or lose something, or even die. We won’t. We’re not in life or death situations when a child or spouse or friend or manager asks for something and we decline. We’re simply exercising our prerogatives.
What I’m enjoying about the power of no is how liberating it is, and how no is often not the word itself, but the actions we choose. No can also take on different forms. It’s part declarative and final, or it can be compromise and overlapping. One person’s yes can meet in the middle of your no. My no can stretch into your yes.
The amazing thing about no is that it leads to more yes for self. And it’s not confined to simply telling others no. Saying no to repetitive thoughts, disruptive patterns, toxic people, and misaligned situations gives us the freedom to say yes to ourselves. We open new avenues when we turn away from those streets that lead us to the temptation of yes to everything all the time.
Is no ultimately self-serving, and is it wrong to execute it to excess?
I say, no, and yes.
No, because we all need boundaries, healthy limits, and conditions appropriate for our own survival.
I also say yes, because our own survival depends on serving ourselves first. If we can’t master that, how will we be able to truly say yes to anyone or anything else?
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Photo by Morgan Bryan on Unsplash
