Jon Croteau’s memoir, “My Thinning Years: Starving the Gay Within”, goes beyond the story of a man who overcame an abusive father to reveal a reality about men that is barely acknowledged, and the will that it takes to move beyond your past.
“My Thinning Years: Starving the Gay Within”, was recently releasef by Hazelden Publishing. In it, Croteau chronicles his relationship with his father, his obsession with running, his struggles with anorexia and bulimia, and his realization of what true family and love were to him.
He took some time to answer a few questions that give further insight into the man and his work.
1. Why did you choose the main title, “My Thinning Years”?
My Thinning Years was always the working title for my memoir. It was one of the first things I wrote down. To me, it not only represents the literal and physical thinning that my body endured, but it also represents the thinning of the “baggage” that was layered upon me throughout my childhood and adolescent years. I spent a lot of my later life thinning out the various layers of internalized homophobia, sadness, and self-hatred and released them little by little toward a complete letting go. To me, it was the best way to articulate the essence of the book.
2. What the most memorable part of writing the book?
There were many memorable moments writing this book. There are ups and downs; joys and sorrows. Two things stand out in particular. The first: cold, snowy winter nights when my husband, Justin, would start a fire in our living room, play something like Bon Iver or Will Dailey on the stereo, and light a candle. He knows that I like to write in soft light with intense, beautiful music playing, and a scented candle burning (how cliché, right?). But what was special was that I didn’t have to write alone. He’d sit on the sofa across from me and read car magazines or pour over car websites (he’s obsessed with anything with an engine) while I wrote and wrote and wrote. Instead of having to spend time apart while writing, Justin figured out a way to be with me, in the same space, while giving me room to write.
The second memory is shortly after my mom died in October of 2009. I didn’t think I’d have the strength or the desire to keep going after she passed away. I doubted that the book would ever have an impact or ever get done. I wondered if it would ever reach the people I thought would benefit from it the most. But I remember sitting at my kitchen counter, hearing a song that she and I both loved, and it inspired me to keep going. I believe that she was telling me to keep holding on and to keep writing and to have faith that it could make a difference in the lives of others. I pray each night that she was right.
3. Is there a certain experience during the creation/promotion of the book that stands out to you?
Everyone asks me if writing the book was cathartic. To some extent, of course, working through all of the things I’ve been through in writing again, with excruciating detail, imagery, and humor is cathartic. Yet so much of my therapy had been done so many years before writing the memoir, so a lot of the healing had been completed. The experience that has and will continue to be most cathartic for me has been releasing it; letting it loose for anyone to read, critique, feel, judge, and perhaps even celebrate. It’s symbolic of where I am in my own evolution and releasing the anxieties of being judged, criticized, and analyzed. Letting that go, like so many of the other things that I have let go of throughout my life, is where I’m at right now. I think it will be tremendously helpful to me and will make me grow as a person, come what may.
4. Most memoir writers have a message they hope the reader takes away with them. What is a less obvious message or takeaway that a reader might discover?
It’s simple. Keep holding on; it gets better. No matter what your struggle is in life, keep holding on because it will get better. I know firsthand that life isn’t easy, it isn’t always rainbows and butterflies and daffodils. Through faith, hard work, perseverance, and finding a way to love yourself the way you would want others to love you, it can and does get better.
5. If you were setting up a display for your book, what three objects would you put with it, and why?
A Ruby Red Heart—because love changed my life and I believe it can change others’ lives too. Love grounds us and ties us to one another. We need to treat each other with love and respect and the whole world would be better off because of the love in our hearts.
A photo of the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz—because no one can be brave all the time. I get scared telling my truth. I get scared about the future. But I remember the lion from the Wizard of Oz and that it takes courage to rise every day and to be ourselves and to be genuine. To care about and advocate for what is right and just to us. And even if you are not courageous at first, you can always find the bravery to try again.
A billboard with The Trevor Project Website on it (www.trevorproject.org) —because at one time in my life I thought I was alone, completely alone, the only one. If I knew that The Trevor Project existed back then, I wouldn’t have felt so alone. No one is alone and The Trevor Project is there for you 24/7.
Jon Croteau will be having a Book Signing/Reading in New York in support of The Trevor Project in New York on Monday, September 22nd.
You can read an excerpt here: My Thinning Years: Starving the Gay Within
His book is available at:
