I’m 18 inches away from a baby deer and
I’m thinking about punching it not
because I hate baby deer quite the
contrary
I’ve never been hunting and I’m not dead
inside also my eyes work so I can see
this baby deer is adorable I’ve just
never been this close to a wild animal
and it would be awesome to say that I
punched a deer
never mind that it’s a baby or that I’m
holding out a fistful oak meal this is
where I find myself dead winter in the
middle of the mountains of South Dakota
terrified to go out at night because I
know this is mountain lion country I
also know that adult male mountain lions
grow to be eight feet in length way up
to 220 pounds Rock three-inch
retractable claws and are most likely
attacked from dusk to dawn like vampire
cat ninjas I know this because I read a
bunch of brochures may as well have been
entitled mountain lions will end you
delicious city boy look I don’t know a
lot about the outdoors I know that
hypothermia grows on the north side of
trees then the best thing to do when
facing a grizzly bear is call your mom I
know that sharks can swim 100 miles an
hour and sometimes fly and emails will
bang your partner because honestly
they’ll bang anyone you can arm yourself
with all the facts you want but you’re
never really prepared to stand this
close to a wild animal knowing that at
any moment you could rock it in the face
and this this is what it’s like to stay
sober sending this to something delicate
and beautiful and wanting to smash it so
I’m holed up in this cabin googling the
potential of loose energetic effects the
Nutmeg counting the chemicals on the
back of glue bottles wondering how much
antifreeze is really too much
antifreeze and this is what it’s like to
stay sober unsafe everywhere predator
and prey surrounded by a world of
that will kill you and don’t get me
wrong I don’t miss being an addict
I miss the drugs though I miss the noise
of the party below me while I’m upstairs
peeing in a stranger’s sink I miss
feeling my heartbeat in my face at 5:00
in the morning
I miss finding the drugs that I hid nine
months earlier
my inkjet printer and anyone who wonders
what’s fun about duct taping two bottles
of Colt 45 mm all to your hands and
climbing a telephone pole has never
played Edward forty hands on a feta
means and will never understand what it
is to cling desperately to something
well the whole world around you spins
out of control addiction has helped me
creatively destroy every one of my
relationships I smashed my face through
a gravel road but everything ends stuff
breaks it’s just the way of things and
I’m not sure I could handle that sober
which is why I’m here dead winter in the
middle of the mountains of South Dakota
terrified to go out at night standing 18
inches away from a baby deer thinking
about punching
—
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—
We celebrate Gay Pride all year long. But this year, we’re doing some special programing for a large-scale campaign #LoveEqually. We’re looking for both sponsors and contributors. Check it out! https://t.co/tkraXFPxLL pic.twitter.com/X2FlBEZb8Y
— The Good Men Project (@GoodMenProject) March 11, 2019
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