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The vast majority of us were raised to be kind to others. And, of course, that’s a noble pursuit. At its most fundamental level, kindness generally means being nice to others and not hurting their feelings through actions or words — again, a good philosophy and one you would hope is returned to you in your day-to-day interactions.

In many instances that philosophy works. I mean, why wouldn’t you spare people’s feelings in most interactions? Do you really need to volunteer that someone looks tired today, or their outfit looks terrible? Most people hearing comments like that resent the person who delivered the message, regardless of whether the remarks are true. If you didn’t sleep well, you know it, and you don’t need someone pointing out that you have bags under your eyes. It just irritates you and may even impact your sleep the next evening.

The Niceness Trap

While social etiquette dictates that we ignore a colleague’s tired appearance, professional leadership requires the opposite approach. As a leader, numerous instances will emerge in which kindness doesn’t necessarily equate with niceness. You may have you hired someone that isn’t working out despite how diligent you were in the hiring process. Your gut usually signals this within the first month even though you may suppress the feeling to avoid having to make a change.

Let’s say you hired John after a long, thorough search. Everyone who interviewed him at the company liked him a lot. His references were superlative and he seemed like he’d be a great cultural fit. Also, you really needed the position filled. Finally, you believed you’d found your person and could provide relief to the staff who were shouldering an unsustainable workload. You couldn’t wait for John to start!

Your Gut Knows the Reality

Once John starts some red flags surface pretty quickly. He fails to follow up on a commitment he made to a colleague. You tell yourself it’s not a big thing, but it’s something you wouldn’t have expected — particularly from a new, relatively senior employee. Then he makes a somewhat off-putting comment in a meeting. Again, you give him leeway thinking perhaps he’s not yet getting our culture. Then his first work product is mediocre at best and shows sloppiness in thinking and execution. His supervisor, Cathy, redoes it for him to both cover for him and ensure the client doesn’t see subpar work. With all good intentions, Cathy is enabling John, and not leading. She’s also not providing critical, honest feedback so he understands his challenges.

Most of the people working with John are starting to have a funny feeling that hiring him may have been a mistake but no one says anything. It took four months to find him and the position really needed to be filled. Everyone is praying it will work out if he’s just given more time.

In my experience, a circumstance like this rarely corrects itself. A hiring mistake was made, and the sooner you acknowledge it, the better it will be for all concerned — including John. Yes, there’s a small chance he’ll turn around. And you, the boss, are very busy and don’t have time to do all the documentation to prepare for a possible termination — not to mention the unpleasant task of communicating with John that this isn’t working. So you convince yourself that it will work out.

But by the four month mark, “niceness” has become a liability as you continue to cover for his subpar work, which is exhausting. Even more importantly, your credibility as a leader is eroding because everyone knows that John isn’t performing and you’re not addressing it. Once others sense that the boss is okay with subpar work they start to care a little less about their work product. Cynicism begins to creep into the culture as all the superlatives of excellence and team strength start to ring hollow.

Paradoxically, John may resent the “lifeline” you think you’re providing, as lack of clarity often breeds confusion rather than gratitude. He knows he isn’t making it, but somehow blames you or the company for not properly onboarding him, or clearly communicating expectations. (People don’t often look in the mirror when they’re failing.) John shares his negative views with other employees and his friends outside the company. You now have a real mess on your hands — ostensibly for trying to be kind by keeping John around. Now you have the worst of all worlds.

You finally terminate John once business turns down and you have to reduce costs. Of course, he’s the first to go because of his poor performance. Because cash is tight, his severance package isn’t very good. So John is without work, has two week’s severance, and leaves very bitter. He posts negative reviews on job boards and morale at the company is low.

The Kind Leader Way

Contrast this with addressing the problem early on. An honest conversation after it becomes clear things aren’t working out, with an appropriate exit runway (including looking for a new job while still employed), will almost always yield the best outcome. Your employees will respect you for making a hard decision and acknowledging a hiring mistake.

You’ll have also done the kind thing for John. Whether he knows it or not at the time, he’s far better off moving on to a different company or even a different career. You gave him the wake up call he needed to make some critical life decisions. You can sleep soundly knowing you were honest and respectful to a fellow human being, even if they don’t feel it at the time.

True leadership kindness isn’t found in the absence of conflict but in the presence of radical honesty. By addressing a hiring mistake early, you protect your culture, your credibility, and ultimately the career of the person who isn’t the right fit. Don’t just be a nice boss — be a kind one.

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Don Kurz is an entrepreneur, former championship lacrosse player, and dance instructor who regularly danced the Hustle at Studio 54. He has been a senior partner in a major international consulting firm, successfully taken a company public on Nasdaq, started a hedge fund, and currently is the executive board chair and principal shareholder of leading creative agency Omelet LLC. His new book, Do the Hustle – Life Lessons from Studio 54, the Championship Lacrosse Field, and the Boardroom, is both an amusing and serious collection of lessons learned, taught to readers through his dynamic life story. Learn more at DonKurzAuthor.com