Kenny Bodanis has some sage advice for the parents of that kid who won’t stop screaming.
This is a fantastic article explaining the consequences of parents losing their tempers in front of their children. Despite the title – which for some reason is directed solely at Moms – it is a must read for any parent who has ever lost their cool; in other words, all of us. All we need now is an article written for children, explaining their parents’ occasionally irrational behavior, before those children become withdrawn and troubled. Even more important would be an intervention for parents who develop yelling as their natural form of communication. There are couples who seem to never know when to stop.
It’s loud and scary, isn’t it?
Were you sleeping, or trying to play? You keep trying; there’s nothing you can do. Soon things will be quiet again.
You can try crying; that might get their attention. Then again, if they’re angry, it might be best to just keep to yourself.
Remember your mommy and daddy love you; it’s just sometimes they’re tired – just like you are before nap time – or sometimes they’re frustrated. You know when you’re trying to play with a new toy, and it’s so hard to make it work right, and you get mad at the toy?
Sometimes grown-ups have those same kinds of feelings about each other. You play with your stuffy. It’ll be quieter soon.
Are they at it again?
You can try telling them to stop. Tell them loudly, maybe that’ll help. Remember, they’re not mad at you, or maybe even not at each other. They just feel strongly about what they have to say, and they feel the other person doesn’t understand. Don’t you feel that way sometimes? When you want so badly for someone to get something and they just don’t? This is sort of the same thing. I know, it shouldn’t happen this often; but it’s not up to you to fix it.
For now, maybe just stay in your room. Have you finished building that Leggo project you were working on? Or how about that drawing? I find that helps, sometimes – finding my own little thing to work on.
When things quiet down, you can show it to them; they’ll be so proud of you.
At this point, maybe it’s best you keep out of the house a little bit. Can you head to a friend’s place? Think of their house as your second home. Talk to your buddy about what’s going on. I know when you’re at home you spend a lot of time by yourself, but when you’re out of this environment, it’s important you communicate with your peers. If you can keep that healthy contact with even one close friend, or a teacher, you’ll be happier in the long run. Are their any groups you can join at school? Sports teams?
As long as you have the support of a friend, or teacher, or someone you can rely on; it might not be a bad idea to have a serious conversation with your parents about how you feel. Show them the Yahoo article. Tell them it’s getting to the point where you don’t really want to be at home anymore.
If that doesn’t work, remember: it’s not your fault. Just spend time with friends and laugh as much as you can…don’t stay alone in your room all the time; it’s not healthy.
Maybe it’s time to take control.
Remember, you’re making important choices, now. These will impact the rest of your life. As angry as you may feel towards them; it’s time to focus on yourself. Can you live with a relative or friend while you work on finding a career, or finishing school? You know there are plenty of places which can help you work out a student loan, or help you with job placement. I know it’s rough with all that negativity to stay motivated, but nothing has ever been more important. Don’t think you’re taking revenge on them by denying yourself a future you deserve. Push yourself to focus on a goal. It will get you out from under the storm. Even though they wouldn’t see one, a therapist may really help you though this time in your life. What you’re feeling could be depression; don’t withdraw. Remember, it’s not your fault. They’re not arguing about you. They’ve just been at it so long, they don’t know how else to communicate.
See that baby? Remember, he hears everything.