Parents, don’t let your children read this. Jim Higley doesn’t care about his kids’ grades.
Mistake number one was turning to my high school son for a suggestion about a topic to write on.
“Um, write about grades, Dad,” he tossed out.
“What? You want me to write about your grades?” I responded, confused. Surely he didn’t want me to go into detail about all the comments and input I received earlier today during parent-teacher conferences.
“No, no. Just write something about what you think about grades.”
Why couldn’t he suggest nuclear fissure. Or thermal conductivity. Anything but my thoughts on grades. You see, I really don’t worry (AND AN IMPORTANT SPOILER ALERT TO PARENTS: You may not want your kids reading this!) all that much about grades. I think they are way over-emphasized. And sure, maybe if I had a kid bombing out of biology or tanking in trigonometry, I might feel different. But trust me, I have had plenty of past experiences with kids who crash-and-burned a test or simply struggled for a semester in a sticky subject.
And while I care and always try to get my children as much help as I can, I try not to worry or over-react. They’re just grades. (And a special shout-out to my oldest son. Yes, I know I threatened to send you away to a military school when you were 15 if you didn’t get your scholastic act together. What can I say? I was young. You were my guinea pig. Sorry, pal.)
Maybe age and experience are finally sinking in. Or maybe I’m just old. Maybe I’ve just heard one too many kids so stressed that they think a “C” in calculus is going to crumble their prospects for the future. And I’m just tired of it.
Let me be clear. I think kids should work hard. Use their talents. And take school seriously.
But more than anything I want my kids to learn how to learn. To enjoy their education journey. I want them to be exposed to interesting teachers. I want them to love learning. I want them to be open to others’ ideas. And mostly, I want them to have fun.
That might explain to all of my son’s teachers today why—in the five brief minutes I had with each of them—I was far more interested in asking them if my son was engaged, kind, inquisitive and happy. I’d much rather hear their perspective, in-person, on those topics. I’m happy to use email for questions about a test or project.
So, son, if you can break away from your 40-pound backpack of books and homework you brought home tonight, I want to tell you that your teachers think you’re terrific, hard-working, considerate, and fun.
I do too.
Now do me a favor. Take a twenty-minute break from the homework. And enjoy being a kid.
—Photo thebarrowboy/Flickr
The homework situation was one of many reasons we chose to homeschool our kids. In college, my wife had an Economics professor from Sweden with a 9 y/o in school. He was horrified by the amount of homework she brought home nightly. It made no sense to him, and he even asked the class why the children weren’t simply taught the lesson properly in class. Of course, the problem is class size. When one teacher has 25-35 students, it becomes impossible to convey the lesson properly to the full range of students. The homeschool program we use allows the kids… Read more »
Jim, fantastic article. I was a private school kid, and went on to have a career in private school administration. And let me be clear–I loved my education, and have loved my different jobs, and all of the schools involved. Wouldn’t change a thing, and consider myself *extremely* lucky to have had the education and career I did. BUT. You know what’s coming, don’t you? The intense pressure cooker environment has its problems. I have seen, oh, hundreds if not thousands of parents in my career focus so dysfunctionally on their kids’ grades. Much of my career was spent in… Read more »
As a teacher of 20+ years, I have seen an unfortunate and ill-advised increase in the attention given to grades, scores and data. The pressure put on Principals to put pressure on their teachers to push their students to “bump up” those grades is not only draining to everyone involved, it is actually counter-productive to the full life we all wish for our children. Only when we can get over our own egos and competitive drive (to be the parent of the smartest child, to be principal of the top scoring school, to be director of the most prestigious of… Read more »
Z – I think you could write a great article on this subject. I so agree with everything you shared. (and truthfully, my comment about “don’t let your kids read this” was not serious…..just a little writers humor). I think the message is critical for kids and parents alike to have, discuss and come to grips with. Thank you so much for sharing your comments!
Reading this article felt to me like losing 20 pounds. It’s something I needed to hear my entire childhood. It’s nobody’s fault that I didn’t; my parents, like a lot of others, just came from a culture where it was considered perfectly logical that a grade in biology class freshman year of high school had dire and tangible consequences for a person’s entire future. (@ Jessica sounds like she understands.) This proposition is, of course, insane. Which is something I slowly figured out long after my student days were over. Maybe sanity is actually spreading far and wide these days.… Read more »
Jessica, your comment made me sad – for you and the army of kids who hear that kind of comment from parents who get caught up in the competitiveness of grades. It stinks. Something tells me you’ll break the cycle with your own kids! Thanks for your comment.
I was the kid who always got straight A’s growing up, and my parents liked to brag about me. Then my junior year of high school I took an AP Calculus BC course, which was most likely the hardest class in the entire school, and I really struggled. I managed to pull a B+ by midterm, and the first thing my mom said to me was, “You’re going to get that up, right?” I did, eventually, but I have never forgotten the moment that I knew my mom cared more about my grades (and being able to brag about me)… Read more »
Jessica, your comment made me sad – for you and the army of kids who hear that kind of comment from parents who get caught up in the competitiveness of grades. It stinks. Something tells me you’ll break the cycle with your own kids! Thanks for your comment.
At our parent/teacher meeting the other night I finally found a teacher that admitted that homework wasn’t necessary and not to worry if we miss deadlines etc. In not only did we find one but both the kids teachers said almost exactly the same! ‘It’s just extra work and theres no point forcing them to do it if it means they spend all night stuck on something when they could be enjoying being a kid’ Being a dyslexic and father to a possibly autistic child I’m interested in in the youngest boys ‘marks’ purely as a way to make sure… Read more »
Bob, great comments. I’ve had many teachers tell me the same thing you heard…..and I’m thinking “I wish I would have known that after spending way too many nights calming my kid down at 11pm because they are buried with homework! Thanks for reading!