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Meet Colt Smith, also known as Coach Colt, a professional relationship coach and creator of “Dating Armory.” Discover his journey to becoming a dating coach, his top advice, and his vision for the website.
Can You Share a Bit About Your Journey and What Led You To Become a Dating Coach?
I didn’t have much of an upbringing, more of what you’d call a ‘downbringing.’
My parents were abusive, I grew up in a religious household, and unsurprisingly, I couldn’t make any relationships work.
Didn’t help that I’m a bisexual guy. (Heck, some people won’t come out as bisexual before their parents die!)
So I suffered.
I didn’t dare leave my religion. I couldn’t lose my family, friends, and community. And the idea of burning in hell for eternity scared me to death.
But when I turned 18, things got so bad that I had no choice but to leave everything behind. I moved to another country, officially dropped the religion, and started my self-help journey.
But it was challenging. I couldn’t just read “How to Make Friends and Influence People” and get over my social anxiety. I needed someone to push me. A personal coach.
And that’s what I got.
I found myself a dating coach, and he pushed me to do ‘rejection therapy,’ learn how to approach and talk to people, and how to go on dates.
That helped. A lot. I made friends, dated, started my motorcycle adventures, and felt good for the first time in my life.
But something still felt like it was missing. And I soon figured out what it was:
Learning to be likable didn’t solve my Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) from my abusive downbringing.
So, I started trauma-focused therapy (EMDR), reading books like Trauma and Recovery, and combined that with going to public speaking classes, dance classes, and making new friends..
Within a couple years, I felt like I had mostly achieved my goals. I felt normal. I felt safe.
But with that success, I wanted to share my unique experiences. Thus, in 2019, I started DatingArmory.com, my public diary of relationship advice that works.
What Are Some Common Challenges That Bisexual Individuals Face in the Dating Scene?
I discuss bisexual dating in my post ‘My Experience Dating Men & Women as a Bisexual Man [& Lessons Learned],’ but here’s the short answer to your question: Bisexuals aren’t accepted by the straight or gay communities. The straights want someone who’s strictly straight, and the gays want someone who’s strictly gay.
Why is that?
Lots of reasons. People are scared of what I call the ‘Polyamorous, Threesome Bisexual Stereotype’ and the fear of catching STDs.
However, I believe the core fear of dating bisexuals stems from a place of low self-esteem.
Allow me to explain:
While many people feel like they aren’t enough for their partners—this fear is magnified when dating a bisexual.
People worry that they cannot cannot satisfy the other half of their partner’s sexuality simply because they are only one gender and therefore fear being left or cheated on with someone of the other gender.
However, the root issue isn’t with their bisexual partner but with their perceptions of self-worth and the ability to feel enough for someone else.
What Critical Advice Do You Repeatedly Give Your Coaching Clients?
It’s not my advice. It’s my father’s advice.
“Read books by the pound.”
Why?
Because the more you know, the better off you are. Knowledge is power. Not every piece of advice will work for you, so you better keep reading until you find an idea that does.
What Is the Most Common Mistake You See People Make on Their First Date?
I call it the “Too Much” rule in my guide to first-date ideas.
- Going on an expensive dinner date is too much for a first date.
- Going to the zoo is too much for a first date.
- Going skydiving, while it’ll be a memorable date, is too much for a first date.
These are all great, fun ideas, but leave them for the second or third date or when you’re in a relationship.
First dates are not really about getting to know each other. They are about establishing chemistry and having fun. You get to know each other on later dates. But stick to cafes, bars, and the local park for your first date.
If There Was One Thing People Could Do To Improve Their Dating Lives, What Would It Be?
Gym.
Or, more specifically, weight lifting.
It’s no question that losing 10 pounds of fat and replacing that with muscle will make you physically attractive and change your face, but it’s better than that.
You start to see yourself differently. Your self-image improves every time you look in the mirror. Instead of waking up, brushing your teeth (I hope you do that every morning!), and looking at the ‘fat’ you. You’ll see the beautiful, handsome version of yourself.
And because you’ll feel so much better about yourself, your standards will change, and you’ll make better life decisions.
So yes, no single action will change your life more than going to the gym three times a week.
What Makes Your Blog, Dating Armory, Special?
Unfortunately, most dating advice on the Internet is dangerous, useless, or incomplete.
And you can see this for yourself.
Search up ‘first date ideas,’ and you’ll have blogs advising we go for a sex ed class. Search for ‘coffee date tips,’ and most articles regurgitate common knowledge. I could go on.
But the point is that the Internet is in dire need of no-bullshit, get-to-the-point relationship guides, and that’s the need I fulfill.
At Dating Armory, I’ll spend 20-30 hours creating each article. I add useful graphics and often run over 6,000 words, covering every angle of the topic. And all without having boring introductions – or at least I try!
What Do You Have Planned for Dating Armory?
For now, I’m taking it slow. I’m happy with my progress. But with time, I’d like to make Dating Armory a community forum where anyone can share their dating life and relationships, whether they’re ecstatically deep in love or if they’ve sadly been cheated on. I want Dating Armory to be where people can learn about what works without wasting hundreds of hours consuming useless content. And if that sounds interesting, come check it out! Thanks for reading 🙂
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This content is brought to you by Colt Smith.
Photos provided by the author.
