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For so many male HIV singles, disclosing their status to their new crush is a nightmare because more often than not the fact that they’re HIV-positive is a deal-breaker. If they don’t get rejected and the relationship progresses into a serodiscordant relationship, HIV positive men are faced with a new set of challenges they must overcome to keep their relationship going. Whether you are the HIV-positive person or you’re dating or living with one, we’d like to offer our top 4 tips for ensuring both of you stay as happy and as healthy as possible.
#1: Undetectable Viral Load is Key
Disclosure is a much bigger issue with people who don’t understand the link between viral load and infectiousness. When your viral load is undetectable, it is not possible for you to pass on the virus. This isn’t to say you should go and have unprotected sex because there is still a risk of contracting other STDs or another strain of HIV. However, if you take your antiretroviral medications as prescribed, your partner is safe. It’s important to note that when men who have sex with men have anal sex, the risk of transmission is the highest, especially for the person on the receiving end, provided you have a detectable load. Also, the risk of passing HIV from having oral sex performed on you is very low, and if you perform oral sex on an HIV-negative partner, it’s even lower.
#2: Everyday Activities Pose no Risk
There have been numerous studies conducted in North America and in Europe, and the conclusion is that HIV cannot be transmitted through everyday domestic activities. For example, sharing a razor poses only a theoretical risk of infection, but two people should never share a razor anyway because of bacterial infections and other viruses. There is absolutely no evidence that sharing kitchen items and utensils is a risk of HIV transmission. HIV cannot be transmitted through saliva so sharing a toothbrush is safe in this regard, but shouldn’t be done for the same reason why a razor shouldn’t be borrowed from another person.
#3: Monogamous Vs. Open Relationships
You and your partner should both agree on whether you want a monogamous or an open relationship where sex with other people will be allowed. It’s risky not to talk about this and just assume you’re both on the same page. Both kinds of relationships come with their set of challenges. To lots of people, being fully committed to just one person is so fulfilling they wouldn’t trade it for the world, but if one person has a much lower sex drive there is bound to be tension. On the other hand, open relationships don’t see this kind of problem, but sleeping with other people highlights jealousy and insecurity. Whichever kind you opt for, talking about it openly is paramount if you want the relationship to flourish. If you choose monogamy, the risk of contracting STDs is virtually non-existent, and if an open relationship works best for you, always using a condom will protect you both.
#4: Rejection isn’t Personal
If the relationship comes to an end despite all of your efforts, it’s important not to take rejection personally. It speaks far more of the other person’s issues than who you are as a person, status or no status. HIV-positive individuals know how much rejection can sting, especially if it happens in an insensitive way, but never forget that rejection happens to literally everybody. You can look at rejection as a way of figuring out who has the potential to make you happy and who doesn’t. Either way, you’re not your status and there is absolutely no reason why you should stop searching for love and acceptance.
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This content is sponsored by Stefan Simonovic.
Photo: Shutterstock