The proliferation of apps has enabled consumers to obtain items and experiences instantly with a few keystrokes and swipes of a smartphone. Lyft makes it easier for people to hail rides, Caviar makes it easier for people to order food, and Venmo makes it easier to pay people; dating apps do not make it easier for people to date. Unlike pizzas and cab rides, people are not commodities that are interchangeable.
Everyone is different and every facet of courting, communication and engagement is unique not only to each person but more so to the dynamic combination of two people yielding unlimited combinations of feelings, responses, interpretations, expectations and chemistry. There is no blueprint to succeed in dating; there are exceptions to every rule and no matter how much effort you put into screening people, fine-tuning your wish-list of characteristics and identifying your deal-breakers, you will never be able to shield yourself 100% from heartbreak, ghosting, spammers or toxic people. However, you can definitely minimize exposure to such instances through screening, questions and patience. Sound familiar? It should. This is what people do offline when meeting a bar, bumping into each other at the grocery store, wait in line at coffee shops etc.
Dating apps and dating sites are not designed to make dating even easier than traditional offline methods. What they are designed to do is provide another channel for people to introduce themselves to others beyond the physical parameters of everyday life (neighborhoods, schools, workplaces etc.). If you lack the social, emotional and interpersonal skills to engage with people offline then there is a high chance you might have bad luck with online dating. Dating apps do not solve fundamental social problems you might be experiencing or address interpersonal issues you might be dealing with; they merely provide access to an expanded pool of people around you.
Many clients I work with for online dating photos think that the combination of an app and new photos will solve their dating woes — this could not be further from the truth. If you are wondering why you are struggling with online dating, perhaps you should look no further than what you are doing offline. Dating apps enable introductions and access to more people around you — they cannot solve the other problems you might be facing. Dating takes time, effort, patience and a good amount of trial and error. No app will provide short-cuts for you to navigate the dating waters.
This post was originally published on the author’s website and is republished here with permission from the author.
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