Itis a global pandemic and let’s be honest we all are kinda lonely. So I decided to try Tinder for the first time in my life and here is why I’ll never do that again.
I will start this by telling a bit about my dates themselves and then we’ll dive into why exactly I don’t use Tinder anymore.
As a girl on Tinder, I had problems getting myself a date. I got myself a Tinder premium for a month and could see all my likes. By the end of a month of actively using Tinder, I had about 1500 likes. Tinder premium also unlocked unlimited swipes for me so that substantially increased my matches. By the time I was getting into a relationship with my ex I had about 300 matches, which is not that much, but those were only the guys that I chose.
After a few weeks of swiping, I started going on dates. Because it was still in the middle of the pandemic, and I was scared my first two dates were online via Skype and Snapchat. Here is where we get into why I don’t like Tinder as much as other dating apps. The first guy was very nice and we talked for 4 hours with great enthusiasm. Then he pulled up a game, basically like truth or dare, but made up of mostly questions. There was a question about marriage, something like “Do you want to get married? Do you want kids when you are married?” So he asked me that and I answered whatever, but then I asked him the same thing and TURNS OUT he is divorced with a kid! OMG. Of course, I was shocked. The guy is 24 and already divorced. Btw the kid he had wasn’t from his ex-wife. He got a girl pregnant in high school and then dumped her. Major RED FLAG. See that’s why I now stay away from Tinder. Tinder did not require him to mention that he is divorced and has a kid. But if it did we wouldn’t be wasting our time talking to each other. This story ended up with me honestly telling him that I don’t think this relationship is going to go anywhere. Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against divorced people or people with kids, it’s just that I am only 19 and honestly don’t want to date a person with so much baggage.
My next online date was actually super sweet. But we did a huge mistake. We watched a movie at a Netflix party. The only reason I thought it went so well was because we did not really talk and when we did it was so on the surface. Never ever go to the movies for the first date. Seriously, like ever. After that, we snapped every day for a week or so and he asked me out on an in-person date. I agreed. Again, looking back now I see those red flags, but before I couldn’t tell. The problem was that yes, he did ask me out, but he never told me where and when exactly until I asked him myself after waiting for a few days. Even then at first he told me that we are going to mini-golf but on the day that we were supposed to go he realized that the mini-golf place got closed because of covid a few weeks before so I suggested to have some burgers and walk around the town. It wasn’t a bad date, I love walking and I love burgers, but I was preparing myself for mini-golf and he didn’t even make sure that the place was open until the actual day of our date. This to me shows that he had much better things to do than taking care of the date, which is a sign of him not being that interested in me. Girls, a guy that wants to spend time with you will go out of his way to make sure it is absolutely perfect. Never settle for less.
After that date, again, my naïve head thought that this might go somewhere and I agree to the second date and, again, he did not make any specific plans. We agreed to meet on Friday but at what time and where remained a mystery. Don’t get me wrong. I do not always expect the guy to plan the date. However, I think it is the responsibility of the one who is asking another on a date. When I ask guys on dates I make sure that we have at least the most basic plan of what we are doing. Anyways, back to the date. Finally, at about 1 pm he tells me that he will pick me up at 7 pm. Okay, I get ready (which takes a few hours). And, drumroll, he is an hour late. At this point I am like ‘meh, I’ll probably never go out with him again. He picks me up at 8ish, we have a good time, he brings me back home and the next day I text him saying that I don’t see this going any further.
After this guy, I went on a few other dates with guys from tinder before meeting my ex-boyfriend. Those were super casual dates so nothing crazy happened there. However, because of that, I discover the best first date — a coffee date! Just think about it. It is a low commitment because you don’t have to set a whole evening aside for it. It can last for just an hour if the guy ends up being boring or it can be longer if you actually like him. Coffee is also cheap enough in case the guy ends up not paying for you (although always be prepared to pay for yourself) and if he does pay for you but you don’t like him it won’t feel as bad dumping him because it was only $5. Another plus is that you actually get to talk to one another and you can find a coffee shop almost anywhere so you won’t have to drive there or ask him to pick you up. Great choice! Anyways, back to dating.
After those days I matched with my ex-boyfriend and we went on a coffee date which ended up lasting 12 hours. I enjoyed talking to him. Of course, we did not drink coffee the whole time. We went to a park, a few record stores and then had lunch at my favourite Mexican place. It was great. However, this is the part where I will tell you why tinder does not work for me. Yes, that date was great and all the dates we had after that. But we were simply incompatible. And that was the case with most of my tinder dates before that. Red flags and incompatibility. There were a lot of red flags with my ex-boyfriend too, but I overlooked them because I was already tired of going on so many dates and not getting anything out of them that I decided to commit to this one to at least say that I tried. One of the red flags with him was that he never even offered to pay for me (again I always expect to pay for myself, by in 4 months of dating he never even offered). He lied to me a lot. When we first started talking he told me that he wants kids in future, then a few times he brought up polyamory but said that he can easily be monogamous, and he told me that he also wants to move to Atlanta, Georgia soon. However, as time went by it turned out that he hates kids and want nothing to do with them, he ideally wants to be polyamorous with 3–4 partners simultaneously, and he is not planning on moving for another few years. Not cool.
Those are pretty big lies. So the problem with dating apps like Tinder for me is that people most of the times just swipe because they think the other person looks cute. Some do have bios, but those are a very small fraction of users and if they do have bios they are usually super vague. That might be enough if you are looking for a one night stand, but I don’t believe Tinder is useful at finding people to seriously date. They are there and some people do get lucky, but that was not the case for me and I doubt it will be for the vast majority of us.
I will never use Tinder again. But I might try out Hinge or Match because they have a better algorithm and are designed to find you a person to actually date. Also instead of you just swiping all the time, they find you matches themselves based on whom you have already swiped on so there might be something in it. I think it is the best to date in real life, however with the pandemic and our lives becoming more and more internet-based I believe in the future of dating apps. They might just need to step up their game a little bit.
However, in the protection of Tinder, I might say that it was never intended that people would use it for finding serious partners. It was always more of a hookup app. So, it wasn’t their fault that I haven’t found the one I want to date seriously on their app. It was never meant to be that way. If I wanted a one-night stand Tinder would easily make that happen.
So, ultimately, to use or not to use Tinder it’s your choice. But if you want something serious I advise using more traditional ways or apps that put in more effort to find you a perfect match 😉
With love,
Maggie.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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