Why does my ex-wife still have anger issues with me?
As I see it, she has no justified reason to be angry with me:
- She got the divorce she asked for
- She got the majority of time with the kids
- She got the house
- She got the child support
- But I guess she never got happy as a result of divorcing me
Why is she still angry? (In my mind.)
- Because I’m happy
- Because things didn’t work out as she planned
- The greener grass has died
- Her happier ever after isn’t all that happy
It’s a funny thing, this animosity between ex-partners and co-parents. How do you co-parent when your ex is unhappy all the time? Do you simply “rise above it” as I have tried to do, ignoring their barbs and jabs? Do you try to make things better by asking questions? Can you be detached from your ex-partner and still attached to your kids?
The answer is: sorta.
While it’s a process, you can detach from your ex completely. In my life, these days, there is nothing I need from her, no kindness I expect from her, and no “closure” I can get from any interaction with her. That’s good to know. And it gives me some distance from her vitriolic moods. However, I still hold on to anger around how I have been treated over the last 8 years since our divorce. Even though, I know, I cannot get any satisfaction from her. I actually need to work on my own anger and frustration. I am obviously holding on to some baggage. If I can’t let go, how can I fully show up for the new relationship in my life? The answer is, I can’t.
I have to actively work on letting go of my anger towards my ex-wife. I am whining. I am complaining. I am holding on to a lot of energy about her behavior. And I simply should not care. If I were “over it” I could laugh at her shenanigans. I can’t. Her anger frustrates the hell out of me.
My kids are more important than any unfinished business I still have with my ex-wife. And this new relationship I am starting is certainly more important and deserves the energy and attention I’m wasting on my ex. When I really let go of my anger at my ex-wife I will have a new level of satisfaction and joy. It’s a process. A process that I will not complete tomorrow or next week. But a process that continues as I continue CHOOSING THE POSITIVE in every interaction with her.
- Your kids are the most important thing in your life.
- Your ex is history.
- Turn anger and hurt into energy to strengthen the relationships you have with your kids.
- Let go of everything else.
- Renew your love and openness with a new relationship.
- The 6-Step Relationship Strategy
- Unlocking Touch – The Love Language I Speak
- How Long Will it Hurt? Divorce Recovery, the Road Back to Happiness
- Ready or Not-Ready for a Relationship: The Dating Game
image: Peter r, creative commons usage