Lately I’ve been considering buying a new car. Well, a second-hand car at least, but new for me. I have an 8-seater van. It no longer serves my purpose. So when something no longer serves your purpose, what do you do?
Do you discard it? Do you trade it in for another model? Do you hang onto it, because well, it still works? Do you sell it, push it off a cliff, or work to transform it into something new
When it comes to cars it’s fairly straight forward. If a car is costing us too much money, heavy to run on fuel, breaking down all the time, not bringing us the same amount of joy to drive as it once did, or no longer the type of car we need, we either sell it for another, or sell it and stop owning a car all together. End of story.
But when it comes to people, relationships, marriages, our health. jobs, careers, businesses, and the things that matter so much more than a car, we so often hang on and hang on and hang on, hoping that one day it will get better, even though there is no sign that anything will ever change. You can’t just sell a wife or a husband, right?!
Why when it comes to the most important parts of our lives, do we fail to make the best choices, or sometimes no choice at all, not to mention having the balls to make the necessary changes to improve or transform those parts of our lives into something better.
Here are some reasons why we don’t make these types of more personal changes. Maybe you can relate:
a) you’ve already invested too much time and effort
b) it requires too much from you to make the change (it’s hard)
c) you’d lose something and that would hurt
d) you don’t know what else to do or
e) you don’t believe you deserve any better
Which is it for you?
So we plod along, relatively ok, because it’s not really that bad. We can survive.
But what a way to live! No thanks. Not anymore.
Sometimes letting people go, letting a situation go, making a significant change, not putting up with the status quo, calling something for what it is, is what’s required when it comes to living the life that you deeply, honestly, really want.
I believe that I stayed in my first marriage for about 5 years too long. 5 freaking YEARS!!!!!
That’s a long time to stay in something that makes you genuinely unhappy. 5 years of hoping that things would change. 5 years of being lonely. 5 years of not knowing what else to do. 5 years of avoidance, because really, I didn’t want to accept the cold, harsh, truth – that it was never going to change.
Truth is, I could have been living a much happier, more content, deeply satisfying life 5 years earlier.
But here’s the thing about that. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to accept the truth. I wasn’t ready to accept that I would be absolutely fine on my own. I wasn’t ready to accept that my marriage was over. I just wasn’t ready, on many levels. So time had to prolong the pain, until I was ready. It took about 5 years until my timeline came level with my reality.
But the phoenix rises from the ashes. Now that I’m older and wiser, I can honestly say that moving on from a relationship that was damaging me as a man, was the best choice I ever made.
Maybe for you, it’s not as serious as a marriage breakdown. Maybe it’s a job you’ve been in for too long. Maybe it’s your health, maybe it’s a friendship that has become toxic, or maybe it’s asking that woman out on a date you’ve been wanting to do for months.
Whatever it is, only you can do something about it.
I’m not talking about jumping ship or giving up the moment things get a little tough or boring.
I’m talking about when a person or a situation in your life has become toxic beyond repair, is a source of constant sadness and frustration, or has you in damage control more than it has you excited for the future, unable to enjoy the now. If that’s the case, it’s not time to consider a change. It’s time to make one.
Whether you decide there’s life in it yet, and are willing to take the necessary steps to work through this and see it thrive, or decide that enough is enough, the choice is up to you.
There is no right or wrong answer with this stuff. But there is a choice that is needed and there is an action to follow.
The man who chooses to work through a tough situation and personal growth opportunities, is a man who grows in wisdom and stature. The man who chooses to close a chapter and start re-writing a new one, is a man who grows in wisdom and stature.
But the man who sits back and decides to take no action at all, not listen to his heart, ignore the warning signs in his head, and not use his balls, is the man that will look back at his life in 5 years’ time, and wished he’d done it sooner.
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