December 23, 2008, was the day my divorce became official. Does this seem odd to you that I can still remember that date? It does for me. Do I need to ask myself “why” I even care?
Today I am very happily married to the love of my life. My wife Ann and I have tried to create a loving home for our blended family. The kids get along as true siblings.
What is my issue? Why should this date still pop into my head? The answer is very unfortunate. My former spouse is still renting space between my ears.
During the six-year marriage, I did not realize how emotionally she was abusing me. One such example is that we had our neighbors over for food and drinks. At one point my former announced how little money I was making compared to her. Ouch!
In May of 2010, I was in court because the former wanted to move out of state with our son. Not only did I have to borrow money from a family member, my wife but I maxed out my credit card to pay for my lawyer. Knowing fully of her salary my gut was telling me that the odds were NOT in my favor.
Lucky for me that the gut was WAY wrong on that day.
Money is a very powerful weapon. Those who have money have the power.
Here is what I have learned these 9 years of the divorce and maybe these can help you as well:
- Your former spouse is not your boss.
- The scenario in your head is not reality.
- You can stand up for yourself without feeling belittled.
- True co-parenting is about the kids not about egos.
- You have the power to say “no.”
When you are going through a divorce and especially if it coincides with the holidays your self-esteem could be out of whack. Please remember you are not alone. Many people have been in your shoes.
Being a former spouse, I at times do not play well in the sandbox.
There are times even this week where the email that I really wanted to send to the former had to be edited to a “G” rating. The mantra we have to remember is “what is best for our kids.” As I stated before, co-parenting is about doing the right thing and leaving egos in another part of the house.
Are you happier without that person in your life? For me that is a big “F” YA!!!
My hopes for you is that if that former is still renting space in your mind, then you need to ask yourself “why?” I know my issue is still because of the money and that is not always going to be the case.
Let’s you and I make a pack. Is that OK with you? On each December 23 at 7 PM MST you and I will toast each other in honor of no more rent in our heads. What do you say?
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