Enough with the toxicity talk, already! Are you as tired as I am when it comes to bickering over how “bad” men can be these days? How about the backlash that begs the question “what about toxic femininity, huh?” It’s enough to make you feel utterly exhausted.
That’s what we’re all suffering from, folks: toxicity exhaustion. The ideological war between gender extremists has reached a critical mass. What better evidence of “market saturation” than the “controversial” Gillette ad? Yes, I think it’s safe to say we’ve reached a tipping point.
There’s a insidious fallacy being perpetuated when we argue over who’s more toxic: it all implies there’s something inherently “wrong” about human beings in the first place. Holding on to disdain for anyone, especially an entire category of people, really only harms the person harboring the ill will.
I believe we’re becoming so conditioned to seek out others to loathe thanks to media (both mass and social) it is making us infinitely tired. When human beings are tired, we get cranky. Cranky people don’t get along well with others. All of this is adding up to a malaise of the soul, where we look for the disappointing aspects of everyone we meet.
Rather than see people as toxic, we should focus on changing toxic belief systems and the behaviors that arise from them. Yes, some people do display toxic behavior. Yes, there should be consequences (legal, social, or both) for their actions. But toxic behaviors do not restrict the perpetrator from rehabilitation. Even more important, the toxic behavior of individuals should not stain our perception of an entire group. To do so robs that group of their humanity, and we poison ourselves with suspicion and cynicism.
The Judgment Treadmill
All this argument has served a good purpose, believe it or not: it has revealed our culture needs a better view of human beings. I believe we’re all still wallowing in a latent cultural miasma that labels people with original sin.
Okay, you may be asking “what the heck is he talking about here?” Our culture in the United States (and, more broadly, Western culture) has been long influenced by the idea of original sin from Christian religious tradition. The believe that people can be inherently good or evil is a still-dangerous social remnant lingering in our society. It is so deeply ingrained that even avowed atheists may still operate under this worldview.
Instead of viewing large categories of people as the ‘lowest common denominator,’ we should be more concerned about the ‘highest common denominator’ of our shared humanity.
We need to jump off the judgment treadmill. It’s time for some good old-fashioned, nuanced common sense, folks. Men and women are not toxic. Behavior, however, can be toxic. Yes, when people act in a way that is toxic, there should be consequences for their words and actions. But it is justice that should be sought, not revenge.
When we think of people as fundamentally irredeemable, our hope for a better future is diminished. Why should we trust anyone, when they’re one step away from being “bad”? Why try to be a better person, when you as an individual are either good or evil?
The court of public opinion, given global reach by social media, seems to have become particularly intolerant and draconian in enforcing the good or evil mentality. Online, it’s often “one strike and you’re out.”
Another problem is our very human urge for the world to be simpler than it is in reality. We oversimplify human beings to crush them down into a label that is convenient for us. But reality, and human beings, are far too complex for such treatment. We only diminish others, and ourselves, when we try to oversimplify. A human being can’t be fully described in a punchline, a social media comment, or a soundbite.
Ultimately, life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. We find what we seek in the world. If we believe people are either good or evil, that is what we will find. Your perception becomes your reality. We can make the world black and white, or full of colorful possibility. This doesn’t mean there aren’t people stuck in a mindset that makes them harm others. But we can turn everyone around us into one-dimensional stereotypes if that’s all we expect of them.
The Highest Common Denominator
Moving beyond toxicity labeling doesn’t mean letting people off the hook. There should still be legal and social consequences for one’s actions. However, we need to be careful not to continue slicing people into cardboard caricatures. If we want civil discourse to return, we need to create the environment for it to flourish. We need to leave open the possibility of redemption.
Let’s stop slavishly following the socialized view of human beings as being inherently flawed. Shortcuts in thinking lead to problems. The dangerous oversimplification of people has plagued us throughout history, and is at the root of intolerance toward—and mistreatment of—our fellow human beings.
This is why we should be focused on the well-being of other people above all else. Instead of viewing large categories of people as the “lowest common denominator,” we should be more concerned about the “highest common denominator” of our shared humanity. RSVP for Masculinity Detox Calls
I'm a writer, speaker, and an advocate for everyday heroism. I have over two decades of experience in the practical application of literature, philosophy, psychology, and other disciplines. The culmination of my work is the Live the Hero program, a life philosophy that promotes personal development combined with service to others. Live the Hero combines the wisdom found in the arts and humanities with the latest discoveries related to research in heroism science and positive psychology. You can learn more at livethehero.com.
Enough with the toxicity talk, already! Are you as tired as I am when it comes to bickering over how “bad” men can be these days? How about the backlash that begs the question “what about toxic femininity, huh?” It’s enough to make you feel utterly exhausted.
