If you ever get close to a human
And human behavior
Be ready, be ready to get confused…
But, oh, to get involved in the exchange of human emotions
Is ever so ever so satisfying… – Bjork, “Human Behavior“
As I walk through the streets of Philadelphia and watch the people go about their daily lives, I always try to remember the meaning behind the city’s name. I try to take the City of Brotherly Love literally. While there isn’t always concrete evidence of that love in view, that really isn’t the point. Because I’ve stopped waiting to see if the love will manifest outside of me.
I realized a while ago the brotherly (and sisterly) love I wanted to see in the world had to start with me. More specifically, it had to start within me. This is the essence of the now-overly-used mantra “be the change you want to see in the world.” Stop waiting for things to get better and take some initiative to encourage the growth of peace.
As we might say in Philly, be the friggin’ change, already! Better yet, go out and live the change. The first stop on your personal journey of tolerance is a reevaluation of your view on humanity. This needs to be the foundation of a better you and your hope for a better world.
The Heart of the People Paradox
Think about it: you simultaneously love and hate people. Don’t try to convince me otherwise. Enough with the cynical façade, brother. You talk a big game about how people are “terrible,” and you’ve lost count of how many times you’ve typed “smh” on Facebook in response to a horror story someone shared on their feed.
I want you to finally stop resisting the urge and just embrace humanity as we are, warts and all. Accept that life is, by necessity, a place of uncertainty. Without uncertainty, there would be no freedom of possibility. We all live every day with the double-edged sword of free will.
We are tragically miraculous. Like Shakespeare mused in Hamlet, human beings are “noble in reason,” and we are like angels and the “paragon of animals.” But Hamlet also says we are a “quintessence of dust.” So, we are all divine, yet we’re all just dirt as well.
I want you to start thinking of the positive and negative aspects of humanity using the metaphor of the yin and yang symbol. The “dark” and “light” sides are part of the wheel of our existence. Without the driving force of the constant interaction between those aspects, there would be nothing moving us all forward. Struggle and accomplishment, success and failure, happiness and sadness; these are the engines that keep the wheel of life turning.
Human life is a simultaneous swirl of the best and the worst of us. Every day, our species commits wonderful and terrible things. All of these things coexist. It’s only our evolved negativity bias that makes us fixate on the worst things.
Yes, we are capable of great ugliness and great beauty. Sometimes we forget the “better angels of our nature” Abraham Lincoln asked us to remember. But the evidence we can and do cooperate more often than we destroy each other is evidenced by the civilization bustling all around you right at this very moment. If we were only despicable creatures, we would have made ourselves extinct long ago.
Don’t Be a Destroyer of Worlds
The paraphrase Walt Whitman’s “Song of Myself,” we are large and contain multitudes. In every human being is an entire universe composed of thoughts, desires, beliefs, and dreams. We are all complex creatures. In effect, we contain everything. Each of us is a self-contained universe. The more we strive to remember that fact, the better the chance we’ll increase mutual respect for each other.
We need to resist the urge to succumb to our negativity bias. This survival mechanism means well; it is trying to protect us. But problems arise when we let ourselves be unconsciously led by our monkey brains into ignoring all that is noble about us. Unfortunately, the ease of worldwide communication allows for the instantaneous spread of bad news. That’s why we urgently need people like you to start helping spread the “good stuff” to balance things out.
The worst thing any of us can do is harm another. When we hurt someone else, physically or mentally or emotionally, we are damaging or destroying an entire microcosm, the small replica of the universe within another sentient being.
Before you denounce what I’m saying as “bullshit kumbaya wishful thinking,” I want you to remember that harming others can have concrete negative effects on your own life. The person you hurt might immediately attack you back, or the harm you inflict will ripple out to the world around you in the form of your victim’s negativity-fueled actions. They will pay forward the pain, and that makes the world a worse place for all of us.
So, do us all a favor: lower the fists, consider your words and rethink that snarky social media comment. Some of you will probably bring out the tired old argument: “If it were possible for human beings to coexist in peace, we would have accomplished it ages ago.” Stop looking only at past evidence. Our growth as a species doesn’t have to be limited to what has happened before. The future has always given us the possibility to become better. Why should we stop now?
Be a Hero for Humanity
I’m not suggesting you become blindly trustful of every other human being you meet. What I’m suggesting is taking your newfound awareness of how human beings operate and make the first move to reach out, connect, and bridge divides.
In the daily cycle of order and chaos that is life, there is still the universal “golden rule” we all know instinctively, deep down (whether from a genetic or spiritual source, depending on your beliefs): other people matter. We deny this at our peril because most atrocities stem from ignoring or suppressing the instinct to cooperate.
Think of all the thoughts that swirl around your own head constantly, all day long. Think of the contradictory things you think on a daily basis. Now, remember that everyone else has that going on as well. As the old saying goes, “be kind, because everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
This is why the hero’s journey model of storytelling has been popular for ages and still is today: because life is a journey of wonder and struggle for all of us. So, ask yourself: are you going to just survive and stumble from one moment to the next, or are you going to lift up your head, look around, and struggle well?
Yes, treating other human beings with the respect and dignity we all deserve is a never-ending, life-long effort. It’s not easy. But we’ll all be better off because of that effort. The world needs more self-aware humans who embrace the people paradox. I hope you’ll become one of them.
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I'm a writer, speaker, and an advocate for everyday heroism. I have over two decades of experience in the practical application of literature, philosophy, psychology, and other disciplines. The culmination of my work is the Live the Hero program, a life philosophy that promotes personal development combined with service to others. Live the Hero combines the wisdom found in the arts and humanities with the latest discoveries related to research in heroism science and positive psychology. You can learn more at livethehero.com.
As I walk through the streets of Philadelphia and watch the people go about their daily lives, I always try to remember the meaning behind the city’s name. I try to take the City of Brotherly Love literally. While there isn’t always concrete evidence of that love in view, that really isn’t the point. Because I’ve stopped waiting to see if the love will manifest outside of me.
