Men are scared and don’t quite know what to do. The plethora of sexual assault and harassment allegations, reports of inappropriate behavior, and countless firings and resignations across our nation have all shattered the old normal—and ushered in a new one that, with the dust still settling, is not altogether clear.
So let’s be clear: There’s a wide disparity in men’s bad behavior, ranging from immature sexists at one end of the continuum to pathological predators at the other. The men looking to face the challenges of the new normal are those in the middle who may have been somewhat insensitive, even at times careless, in their dealings with women but who would not fall into the category of what most of us would consider predatory.
Many of these men now fear that something they might have said or done in the past will come back to haunt them. Many more are living with the uncertainty and angst of the new normal, which they are still trying to understand. One CEO I work with recently confessed that while he normally gives hugs at the annual holiday party, this year he’s just going to shake hands. “It doesn’t feel right,” he told me, “but the world is changing.”
A young manager I’ve been coaching expressed similar anxiety, telling me, “I was dating somebody at work, and it ended on a bad note last month. Now I’m terrified that she’s going to talk to HR and my career will be over.”
Rather than simply reacting to or rejecting the New Normal, it’s important that both men and women modify their behavior according to what is and isn’t appropriate. One way to do so is to ensure that our work environments remain “free and clear” of anything that might even resemble sexual harassment, intimidation, offensiveness, or assault.
I’ve developed some guidelines on how each of us can play a part in engendering a work environment that feels free and clear for all:
- Take a hard line against inappropriate sexual content in the workplace. This means assimilating into your mind, your heart, and (most crucially) your behavior an all-important precept: I do not allow sexual harassment, intimidation, inappropriate flirtation, or seduction to be a part of anything that happens at work!
- Take sex out of the workplace equation. Treat yourself and your colleagues with respect. Flirting, joking about sex, and engaging in any form of seduction must be taken out of the equation. While we may lose something by restricting certain behaviors, we stand to gain much more by keeping our workplaces free and clear of anything that, even inadvertently, might put someone in an uncomfortable situation they should never have to face at work.
- When in doubt, don’t. And if you must, then ask permission. This applies to everything from physical behaviors such as hugs and pats, to verbal remarks about someone’s personal life or appearance. Err on the side of caution—and consent.
- Stamp out insinuation. Even a handshake, a look, or a seemingly innocuous word can be loaded with sexual suggestion. If you experience this kind of thing at the hands of someone else, or see it happening to others around you, call it out for what it is. No one gets a pass anymore.
- Rededicate yourself each day to making, keeping, and maintaining a free and clear workplace for all. This is something you can do alone or bring up with colleagues or management to make sure you’re working together to create a healthy environment for everyone.
- Consider telling the complete truth. Offering some hard truths about your own behavior, or how others have behaved toward you or around you; apologizing; or confessing to actions or abuse you’ve experienced, can help you clear the air with those you may have hurt, or who may have hurt you.
We have a long way to go when it comes to how co-workers interact with each other, but by committing to a free and clear work environment, we are taking an important step in the right direction without sacrificing meaningful, productive and uplifting work relationships.
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