—
As far as I can remember, success was never gender specific. Being raised by parents from West Africa, hard work and commitment superseded all societal influences making their relationship uncommon. As rare as it was, it didn’t matter who was more successful and how that would appear to friends and family. What mattered most was working together to provide my siblings and me with the best resources to do well in this world, regardless of what others thought. It sticks with me to this very day.
My dad wasn’t a pushover by any means. During his youth, he struggled with the dealings of a corrupt Liberian government and a life that wasn’t in his favor. Still, through a strong relationship with his parents, just enough support moved him to fine-tune his soccer skills and secure a full soccer scholarship at an Ohio University.
Life in the States was easier but not by far. Yes, the major difference was safety from civil unrest and a sense of comfort. Beyond that, the normal dealings of mid-’70s racial intolerance festered in the Midwest. Still — he made it through.
Armed with a bachelor’s degree in business administration he was ready to begin his career with hopes of starting a family. He chose not to move too far and settled in southern Ohio where he met my mom. His soon to be wife was a nurse and also from Liberia with a knack for hard work and doing whatever necessary to get by. In no way did she appear as someone who would hang up her career to be a stay-at-home mom. My dad was fine with that.
To my knowledge, finances were a point of concern. With mom making more than he did as a retail manager, raising four kids left a pretty tight budget.
I was but a preteen and vividly remember days where my dad admitted to things being rough and not having the means to provide as he wanted. I was sad (and extremely spoiled,) yet respected that he never broke character during times of uncertainty.
Absorbing this knowledge at a young age doesn’t surprise me for not falling to the illusion that the number of commas in your bank account measures success.
Like the great Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
In the digital age, this quote couldn’t be more relevant. We speak in person less and filter our lives even more. Attached to their devices people live fictitiously online in an effort to impress people, making it difficult to cope with real life pain and hardship.
When you are honest with your life not only do you disregard what people think about you, you understand the likelihood of a common setback and prepare yourself to overcome it. You become stronger and are a better person because of your experience.
Success doesn’t have to be validated by anyone as everyone’s story is different, as is his or her journey. If this were the case, my parents would have given up very early into their marriage. Instead, they gave it their all and while some may not see it as a big deal, for them it is monumental and a reason to sleep well at night.
The same goes for all things worth valuing in life, including your mental and physical health, career, and overall wellbeing. Everyone wanted to succeed at these things to the highest degree and few understand it will not come at once.
Oftentimes what we struggle for in life is met with a greater reward as very few things come without failure and persistence.
As men in the twenty-first century — to be honest, confident, and independent to trivial matters — will outweigh anything money can buy. Real success is dependent upon ourselves.
—
Photo: Getty Images