The word ‘polyamorous’ evolved “from Ancient Greek πολλοί (polloí) ‘many’, and Latin amor ‘love‘ and is the practice of, or desire for, romantic relationships with more than one partner at the same time, with the informed consent of all partners involved. People who identify as polyamorous may believe in open relationships with a conscious management of jealousy and reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are prerequisite for deep, committed, long-term, loving relationships. Others prefer to restrict their sexual activity to only members of the group, a closed polyamorous relationship that is usually referred to as polyfidelity,” according to Wikipedia.
Throughout my life I have engaged in what I call ‘incidental polyamory,’ since it is not a long term chosen lifestyle for me. I do have friends who wouldn’t have it any other way, and could not see themselves in a monogamous relationship. Early on in my adulthood, I had ‘serial monogamous’ relationships, was monogamously married for 12 years and since being widowed in 1998, have been in overlapping relationships. When I initially explored being polyamorous, I spoke with a friend who fully embraced that choice, telling him how complicated it was. He said, “Darlin’, relationships are complicated, whether it is with one person or multiple people.” What we concluded was that communication is a key to healthy, happy, sustained relationships. My response was that although I have room in my heart for many people, I didn’t always have time in my schedule.
In the past several decades, I have become what I call ‘professionally polyamorous,’ meaning that I have had multiple overlapping jobs as a therapist, writer, speaker, healer, editor, coach, PR and marketing person and minister. Sometimes I have been employed by others, so I had a consistent paycheck. There were times when I was a freelancer/contractor with unpredictable income. Trust is a huge factor in my life. Fear creeps in when I have wondered if I will ever be able to retire. As long as I can speak, type and write, I never need to. My friend Janet has reminded me that I ‘live in surplus,’ since I have always had more than enough to surpass ‘just getting by.’ Even so, I need to periodically address my ancestral messages of poverty, pulling myself by my bootstraps, ‘working crazy hours,’ to support myself. The cool thing is that I have always bounced back from career shifts and challenges. I have a mantra that came to me while in the midst of financial struggle, “I work for God and the salary and benefits are out of this world.” After chanting that, doors opened and opportunities arose. Some I grabbed ahold of and some I released since they didn’t feel like a good fit. The co-dependent, people pleasing, lack and limitation thinking woman that I used to be would have said yes to anything that showed up and seemed like it wanted me. Sadly, it was reflected in the relationship realm as well. Now I only agree to interactions if they resonate as an absolute yes, rather than a co-dependent selling my soul for love, wishy washy maybe, in both the personal and professional realms.
The worlds of love and labors of love overlap in this way. I am a creative soul who finds joy in all of the aspects of my work. When it has been suggested by well meaning family and friends, that I narrow my focus to one or two career paths, I have resisted mightily, as if they were telling me to give up a person I love. Throughout my adult life, to the best of my memory, I have held down more than one job at a time. Each employer knows about the other streams of income. That resonates with the concepts of responsible non-monogamy and full disclosure. I can invest my time and energy, doing what brings me bliss and what is of benefit to the world and supports me well. In my relationships, whether romantic or platonic, I put my heart and soul into them, caring for them like the treasures they are.
“The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.” —Steve Jobs
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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