Jonathan Bane comes head to head with seeing signs of domestic violence, and makes a choice.
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* Names and locations have been changed to protect the anonymity of this lovely woman, whom we’ll call “May”.
Yeah, so for those actually following my exploits (and there aren’t many of you), I have been practically doing nothing but working and promoting my wife’s new novel (Which you could find at http://savrabane.com), so I apologize from what essentially was a two month hiatus to get some things together. I was musing one day about how much life imitated art, and this past week, I realized how true that concept was. Maybe it was just quite simply unconnected events, but lately I tend to have little faith in coincidence. I’m not advocating the “God theory”, but I have a sense that this was supposed to happen to me, especially given the events my wife wrote about in her book.
I had just finished a long day at work, having worked from the opening of the restaurant (about 5 am) working about 12 hours (I’m a server), I stopped off at a convenience store to get a Monster energy drink. (Accept no substitutes) When I pulled in, I saw this beautiful woman talking to her boyfriend in a state of barely concealed fear. He said some harsh words to her and disappeared into the store. When I walked past her I smiled and said, “Hi.”
She smiled back and said “Hey”. Then I got a good look at her and what I saw literally stopped me in my tracks. She had bruises on her arms, her left arm she had in a protective grip with her right hand. She was looking off to the side until she saw me looking at her arms. The split second before she turned I saw her eye puffed and blackened. I stopped dead in my tracks and asked her if she was okay. The look of terror in her eyes told me everything I needed to know.
I said to her, “You don’t need to settle for this. You’re better than this, love.”
Her eyes got wide behind her sunglasses. “What are you talking about?” Her glasses slipped off her face and he scrambled with her right hand to put them back on.
My eyes narrowed. “THAT is what I’m talking about.” She meekly adjusted her glasses and I looked to my right. Never again will I say “there is never a cop around when you need one”. Because, at that moment a cop was buying a coffee at the counter. I immediately went inside and went up to the cop.
“Sir, I don’t mean to be a nosy busy-body but I think the young woman out there (she’s my age, I don’t know why I called her a “young woman”) is being beaten by her boyfriend.” I gestured to her, still standing outside the door. He looked at me and said, “Okay, let’s go.”
After saying some cop-jargon into his shoulder radio, we both went outside of the store to confront her. The cop spoke to her in a very calm and reassuring manner, “Ma’am, it has been brought to my attention that you may be the victim of domestic violence, is this true?” He looked at her injuries and she opened her mouth to answer when her boyfriend came out of the store. The cop asked him, “Are you hitting this young woman?”
He immediately puffed his chest up and acted really offended. (Oddly enough, I was reminded of the kind of behavior an ostrich exhibits when bothered.) The cop turned to her and asked, “Is he hitting you?” She looked at her boyfriend then at me, then the cop. Then she ran to me and said, “Yeah.” The cop asked her if she was willing to file a police report, and she agreed. The boyfriend went to grab her and the cop got between them, bringing out his handcuffs and placed him under arrest for assault.
The cop put him into his car and came over to her. “I’m going to need you to come down with me Ma’am.” I tried to pull away from her and she wouldn’t let me go. She looked at me and said, “Can you come with me?” I nodded and told the officer that I would take her in my Jeep. He looked at her and me and said, “That’s probably best.”
We followed the cop car and on the way we talked about where she was from and what was happening. She was from the Midwest and was heading to Philadelphia to visit her family. I told her that they would probably put her in a shelter for a little bit and they’ll figure out how to get her life going after this. I don’t know why I said this, but what came out of my mouth next was, “When we get to the station, I’ll give you my cell number and if you need anything, I want you to call me. If worse comes to worse and you can’t figure out what to do next, my wife, daughter and I are moving to Florida in September, you’re welcome to come with us. You can start a new life and stay with us until you find a better place for yourself. Anything has to be better than getting beat on.”
She started weeping. I told her not to cry, because if she did, I would start crying as I was “very bitch-like.” As I intended, she laughed. I put my hand on hers and told her that everything was going to be okay.
I don’t know why I made that offer, I only felt that wanted to and needed to.
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I don’t know why I made that offer, I only felt that wanted to and needed to.
When we got to the station the officer took her in first and had another officer take the boyfriend inside. I stayed with her while she made her report and I signed on as a witness, leaving my contact information. I asked what would happen next.
I was right, they were going to bring her to a shelter and figure out what to do from there. I was about to give her my number when the officer told me that I wasn’t allowed. Apparently, contact was not permitted. I guess I wasn’t allowed to know where she was going, fair enough. So, I told her where I worked and told her if she wanted to get a hold of me, to try there seeing as “I pretty much f**king live there anyway lately.” The officer looked at me and shook his head. She gave me a hug, I kissed her forehead and told her “Remember, you’re better than this. I’ll see you soon.” She hugged me again and I left the room.
The officer followed me, shook my hand and told me that I did a good thing. I told him that considering that she will most likely go back to him, I can’t bring myself to feel good about it quite yet. He told me to have faith, and that coming forward, even if prompted was the biggest act of courage. I smiled and shook his hand again. He also said that if a quarter of the people in this world acted like I did, that his profession wouldn’t be needed. I really appreciated him saying this to me.
I texted my wife and told her I would be home soon (by this point I was a few hours late coming home). When I got home, I told my wife everything that had happened, she told me that I had done an amazing thing. Again, I told her that until I was sure that she was leaving him, I wouldn’t celebrate just yet.
I immediately got my family together for a run to Wal-Mart (we needed night-time diapers) and on the way advised my boss about the situation, basically letting her know that if a blonde stops by asking for me that I authorized her to give her my information.
A few days later I went in for a morning shift and she was there waiting for me in the parking lot, coming out of a vehicle that also contained a professional looking female in a well tailored brown suit. She looked so much better, the bruises were not as visible and she didn’t look as scared, though she still carried an air of fear about her. I gave her a massive hug that she returned. She told me how her now ex-boyfriend had apparently had a record of violence in their home state and that they won’t even need her testimony to put him away. I told her how happy I was to see her and we talked for a bit before she told me she was heading back home to the Midwest so she could get her things out of his place.
She was starting a new life.
We exchanged information and before she left she gave me a hug and kissed me. She told me, “You saved me.” I finally allowed myself a little bit of pride.
Before this incident, I didn’t think that one person could make a difference. I think about how foolish I would have looked had I either been wrong, or she not elected to say that she was being beaten. Oddly enough, I have this complex where I feel the need to protect everyone I value. Given that she fell into this bracket within seconds of meeting her, when she told me that she was going to go back go her home state, I actually was a little bummed. I wanted her to come with us so that I could do my best to protect her from people like that.
I realize I can’t do that, but it doesn’t stop the impulse from being there. I suppose this comes from the fact that I look at women as something this side of goddesses. No woman, no person deserves to have to bear any kind of physical violence. I morally had no choice but to act. I had to. Right or wrong, all I know is that my actions made someone’s life better. I may have saved her life. Possibly.
If you or anyone you know are a victim of domestic violence, speak up. Go to the police, or find someone who can help you. Call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or visit their website at http://www.thehotline.org/. Don’t stay silent, you don’t deserve it. FIGHT. Please.
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Good going and this is coming from someone who was in a similar situation, but the abuser was a friend of mine, a guy who was weight lifting since he was 12 years old, and someone who had my back in a few fights. I didn’t do as well as you. We all have things that hold us back. It wasn’t fear of violence that held me back. It was the friendship. I thought I did a good thing just hanging around her giving up my night and opportunity to get a date because he wouldn’t hit her in front… Read more »