It’s okay for me to be feminine. I have been told multiple times by others that my hand gestures are really girly. I cared a few times, but then I realized this is something I cant really control. People have also told me that face my looks very girly and I could easily pass as a girl. Now, what can I do about looking like me? So I guess it’s okay for me to have a “beautiful face” (darn I said it), regardless I can’t do anything about it. I am reminded about an incident last month in the Hyatt Hotel in Mumbai. I ordered for room service and opened the door after the bell rang. I was wearing bathrobes and my hair was down. The guy looked at me and said good evening “MAM”, I replied in a very husky voice to disappoint him, “good evening please come in and put the food on table”. He immediately turned blue and started apologising and offering me freebies to please me. All this time I am cool and composed and thinking why can’t a guy have long hair? The thing is I am sure he thought I was a transgender or something….So I guess it’s okay for me to be mistaken as a woman or transgender. The man that I am is not dependent or affected by what others think!
To Be A Man is a portrait series challenging the concept of toxic masculinity
The rise of women’s movements such as the #MeToo campaign and increasing awareness of mental health issues specific to men has highlighted the prevalence of toxic masculinity all over the world.
Toxic masculinity refers to the socially constructed attitudes that describe the masculine gender role as violent, unemotional, sexually aggressive, and so forth. It restricts the kinds of emotions and characteristics that are socially acceptable for boys and men to express. Toxic masculinity has become the standard upon which a “real man” is defined but also how one’s masculinity can be challenged (The Good Men Project).
These qualities are socially imposed on men from early stages in life and our culture doesn’t always allow them to express inner struggles without judgment. Therefore, boys grow up with the pressure to embody what society believes is ‘normal’. That said, failure to embrace these ‘manly’ qualities often renders harsh consequences, not only for men themselves but those around them. For example, it may have a negative impact on their own mental health, possibly leading to depression, substance abuse, and suicide as well as aggressiveness, objectification, and violence towards not only women but other men as well, homophobic and transphobic sentiments and so on.
This topic is no more relevant today than it has been in the past; the only difference is that now it is being discussed more openly. My intent with this photo series is not to create anti-male sentiments or attack masculinity but show that it’s so important to speak up and fight stigma. Men too face a great deal of pressure to measure up to expectations created by a system that has long catered towards patriarchy.
I by no means claim to be an expert on this subject. However, I wanted to create a diverse collective of men who believe it’s okay to possess and express the qualities and characteristics that they are told they shouldn’t. I hope that these ideas will spread and reach the men who are struggling to accept that things like emotional vulnerability and compassion are strengths and not weaknesses. I know many men are already acting as incredible role models and that should be celebrated. I believe men should hold each other accountable. It is the words and voices of men alone that will influence and encourage other young men to think about their actions and reject the toxic masculinity that they may be surrounded by.
Originally published on Jessica Amity.com. Reprinted with permission of the author.
Photo courtesy of the author.