The only way to combat a pandemic tolerance of sexual misconduct, Paul Gagne writes, is asking the tough questions, holding accountability, and being vigilant.
Disgust and devastation. These are natural reactions to an incident where an adult in a position of power and trust forces children to engage in sexual acts. Both in 2000 and 2002 Pennsylvania State University employees reported witnessing sexual assaults on campus to their supervisors. Like many, I am furious that, despite knowledge of these assaults, the school allowed former Defensive Coordinator Jerry Sandusky University-owned field space to continue to run the Second Mile football camps that he used to prey on his victims until 2008.
The one emotion in the public’s reaction that I do not share is shock. I am not shocked that, once again, a man in power used abused his station over the powerless. I am also not shocked that his supervisors deemed serious consequences unnecessary. For me this is simply another example of outdated ideals about fraternity: the fraternity that, from some arcane sense of loyalty, led to the systematic protection of a child molester. This happened in the Catholic Church when known molesters were simply moved from church to church by Vatican officials. It happened in USA swimming where insufficient background checks enabled coaches suspected of inappropriate behavior to move from club to club, victimizing their swimmers at every stop. Once again, now at Penn State, protecting the reputation of an institution and taking care of a former devoted employee were deemed more valuable than protecting innocent children from a monster.
When will we as men stop being surprised and start being vigilant? As we have seen in the Catholic Church, USA swimming, and now one of the most respected and legendary programs in all of the NCAA, a lack of vigilance—whether it be active cover-ups, lazy background checks, or ignored reporting—leads to more victims. The failure of men in power to take action has lead to more young lives being horribly and irrevocably changed. We cannot continue to dismiss these incidences as rare occurrences or the actions of a few sick people. If the administrators at Penn State had not been so quick to dismiss the information of these demented acts as unimaginable maybe they would all still have their jobs, and Sandusky wouldn’t have been able to victimize children for eight subsequent years.
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As the son of a sexual assault victim advocate, I was raised with much more knowledge and awareness of the prevalence of molestation than most people. Even so, when I was 16, I was still shocked when sexual assault charges were brought against one of my high school math teachers. Before the incident came to light, I had heard talk of his “creepy” and “inappropriate” behavior, but had always dismissed it as a harmless guy being awkward. However, when I heard he had actually touched girls during class, on their breasts or behinds, and was in possession of child pornography, I was shaken to the core. I could not understand how a teacher could violate his students in such a fundamental way and I was wracked with guilt that I had so readily dismissed his prior behavior.
I could not believe I had been so blind. My blindness was made easy because we live in a culture that encourages us to believe the this-could-never-happen-to-us myth of sexual abuse. I allowed myself to excuse the inappropriate behavior I saw as harmless actions that were understandable for any man. I quickly brushed off his flirty exchanges with my female classmates as an awkward guy talking to pretty girls—I would have felt awkward, why shouldn’t he?
It was not until later that I realized that because the girls were 14 and 15 they were not just pretty girls to him like they were to me. They were children, and worse, his trusting students. He had crossed a clear moral boundary by viewing children as sexual objects and, by crossing it, he had transformed from teacher to predator. After these allegations against my teacher came out, I realized that flirting with children has nothing to do with being a man; it only has to do with being a pedophile. I was lucky in some ways because I was able to see the falsehood of the myth when I was 16 and that has led me to be vigilant in any situation where children are vulnerable. Clearly much of the country has yet to figure this out.
The revelation about the systematic molestation that thrived in the Catholic Church should have been the incident that snapped the country out of comfortable blindness and made us all come to grips with the reality that pedophilia is a prevalent, non-discriminating occurrence. In my very Catholic extended family, everyone knew someone who was a victim of clergy abuse. I thought such a fact would be the wake-up call that we all needed to start taking child predators more seriously. But yet again, USA swimming’s lax background checks allowed several suspected coaches to move from club to club collecting victims. Here we are again. An all-male hierarchy covered up the actions of a sexual predator, slapped him on the wrist, and allowed him to continue abusing children. The Catholic Church, USA swimming, and Penn State failed to protect members or guests of their communities who trusted the institution and its affiliated educators.
We need to stop turning a blind eye to this horrible epidemic just because it is too awful to think about. We need talk about child predators, acknowledge their prevalence, and do everything we can to stop them. As a registered USA swimming coach and an employee of an NCAA affiliated athletic department, I want answers from the institutions as to what steps they are actively taking to ensure that negligence in addressing sexual assault and pedophilia no longer occur. Many will accept the firing of four Penn State administrators, including the winningest football coach in NCAA history, as resolution to the institutional failure. It will be easy to move on, forgetting the story once again, dismissing the possibility that it could affect them. Most will not see how the failures at Penn State are not unique, that this is a problem facing all organizations that work with children.
How many more times will sports and other fraternities choose to protect their own at the cost of protecting the innocent? When will we stop turning a blind eye to the most disgraceful and demented of our gender’s capabilities? Until we do, sexual offenders can continue to seek out positions where they can rely on protection from their acts.
—Photo breahn/Flickr
“I was shaken to the core. I could not understand how a teacher could violate his students in such a fundamental way and I was wracked with guilt that I had so readily dismissed his prior behavior. Why did you feel guilty? Because you didn’t jump to conclusions? The reason that penn state went on as long as it did wasn’t because people didn’t begin a witch hunt based on flimsy or no evidence, its because they didn’t act even when they had clear evidence of child abuse. You didn’t go into very much detail, but from the sounds of… Read more »
The rate of true sexual misconduct is probably the same as it’s always been. There are more people now, and we live in a media-created global village, so there may be the appearance of a pandemic, but it’s actyually a moral panic. We need the rationality about sex you find in some of the European countries. As usual, I find myself in 100% agreement with Julie G. Sex is going to be the usual diversion from worse social problems like the economy. People like Sandusky need intensive treatmenty and intensive supervision, but we don’t need to return to Victoriana.
We have to work together to stop this evil.
I think the “pandemic” metaphor is a problematic for another reason besides the one that MediaHound mentioned. The word suggests that this is some sort of recent development, that sexual misconduct has someone “broken out” from its earlier existence and is now more common. I’m not convinced that what we’re seeing exposed today is really much more common than it was before. If this is a pandemic, it’s been going on for a few thousand years at least. I think much of what we’re seeing is just greater awareness of behavior that used to be hushed up or accepted more… Read more »
I do feel the need to point out that I don’t think this is a new phenomenon nor do I think my article made that point. While I did not write the headline I don’t disagree with pandemic entirely. The pandemic is not the sexual abuse itself but the tolerance through negligence that we see in all these cases. That being said “It’s so common, and it’s so hushed up” is true. We don’t have believe all accusations but the fact is that the National Center for Victims of Crime say “It is estimated that 1 in 4 girls and… Read more »
Dang, another author whose message is subverted by the editors’ choice of (attention-grabbing) title. Sorry that you’re in the club, Paul.
No mention of the covering up of child abuse by the feminist movement though.
WOW Ron! That is a left field play! So, is that The Whole Feminist Movement, Some Groups within The Feminist Movement, Some Individuals within The Feminist Movement – or even some individuals who use The Feminist Movement as a hiding place whilst really having little interest in Feminism or Movement? Your comment needs clarification – and I’d like it – as a man! You may need to consider that the author is male and as such unlikely to be a member of the feminist movement. Why would he mention a subject that he is unlikely to be qualified to comment… Read more »
Impressed by your writing my dear friend…
I don’t know where this allegedly ‘blind eye’ theme is coming from… it seems to me that EVERY accusation of child abuse or molestation gets TONS of media attention, round the clock and nonstop. Now, the institutions involved try to cover it up, of course. Just like a murder defendant claims he’s been framed. No one’s denying that. But to claim that our society as a whole is pretending that child abuse doesn’t exist is so far removed from reality as to be laughable. What’s needed is LESS hysteria, not more. More thoughtful analysis and more practical proposals to address… Read more »
Here ! Here ! “A relentless addiction to indignation may be one of the chief drivers of obstinate dogmatism and possibly the ultimate propellant behind the current culture war which is dividing America today.” – D Brin. It would seem that some are addicted to indignation – and they love to spread it about until everyone hurts! My concern is for the (how I hate this word) victims, and not others! Analysis is good, and anger and other forms of aggression not so good. With 90% of abuse victims never revealing what has happened, that Aggression motivates many to stay… Read more »
PEDOPHILES ARE PSYCHOPATHS read the article below. Sandusky fits the profile exactly. Pathological Systems: A Look at Penn State by Sandra L. Brown, MA Posted Tuesday, November 15, 2011 It took a system, not just an individual, to cover up 15 years of rape. It took the camaraderie of people who collectively had reduced empathy and conscience to hide the fact that little boys were penetrated, and kids were trafficked to psychopathic benefactors. Now there are allegations that the rape and assault of little boys were used as perks to pedophile benefactors. It’s called human trafficking. This did not happen… Read more »
Paul – I find you piece moving and on point! Language is very useful, but it can also be very limiting. I think that the word Pandemic is wrong and misleading. It promotes the idea that there is some form of magic bullet or medicine that some other person has to come up with. I was also struck when you said “I quickly brushed off…”. As I read, I was reminded of one woman who spoke about how she survived 9/11. She worked in the World Trade Center and she was absolutely clear why she survived. She survived because of… Read more »
Pandemic also implies that this is something new and spreading. Sexual misconduct has been around since there has been sex, I seriously doubt that its some basic fault of our culture that can be fixed. Of course we can try to limit it and deal with it, but if you think its not going away because we’re just not trying hard enough you’re in for a rough ride. Its like trying to “cure” violence.
Then why, Eric, was sex abuse happening in the Church during times of no sex ed, no encouragement of consensual explorations etc i.e. the 50’s? I don’t think sexual misconduct has one whits worth to do with safe sex information, sex ed, or creative sexual play (no matter how distasteful you find it, and yes we know you find it distasteful). What is being discussed and dismantled are paradigms that allowed for people to treat each other badly, like animals really, either men on women or men on men or women on men or women. Bullying, in other words, whether… Read more »
It’s not safe sex “information.” It’s the message that sex is an urgent and involuntary bodily initiative that simply can’t be controlled. (so why bother to try?) And even children should do whatever, whenever, however, and with whomever. As long as they wear a condom. Sex is just a game like any other, nothing special.
I don’t believe that as that view of sex has become more pervasive, it has made people more respectful and shown more restraint. I’m not saying that those are the only issues but they, IMO, certainly are a contributor.
Actually here in Texas, sex is taught to be something relatively dirty, with completely inaccurate information giving to sexually active teens. Our rate of second pregnancies in teens is one of the highest in the nation, even though they tout their abstinence only policies, True Love Waits “father daughter dances” (weirdly there are no mother son dances isn’t that interesting) and promise rings that go out the window when they decide they don’t want to wait. So, instead of having safe non pregnant making sex in their teens, they have intercourse in a fit of cover up and shame, without… Read more »
“Actually here in Texas, sex is taught to be something relatively dirty, with completely inaccurate information giving to sexually active teens. “
Both extremes, IMO, are unhealthy and result in warped behaviour. Sex is neither dirty nor just a game to be played.
I’m glad things worked out for you but the evidence is clear that our society increasingly has no filter or barriers when it comes to sex, that it’s “play”, even for children, as long as they don’t get pregnant or an STD.
What are you talking about for children??? Under 16? 15? 10? I don’t know of any sex educator that would tell a teen that sex is like fast food, or whatever whenever. And I know more than my fair share of sex educators. What I tell my own kids is that their bodies belong to them, that they need to treat them with caution and respect and pay the same caution to others, but that sex can be a beautiful and amazing part of their lives. That they have years to explore and figure it out. BUT. I damn well… Read more »
“What are you talking about for children??? Under 16? 15? 10?” The age where they are taught that sex for them is wrong and immoral. There is no age for that, is there? I am not criticizing sex education per se. It’s the concept/attitude/viewpoint that sex is simply a bodily function, and that it is near impossible or impossible to not have sex. (so, why try?). That there is no right and wrong when it comes to sex. “Your posts often seem really reactionary to me, Eric. I’d love to see cites about where children under the age of 15… Read more »
Also, I think things “worked out” for me, because I had a mother who was rational and pragmatic about sex ed. I knew exactly how my body worked in terms of pregnancy, periods etc and prevention of pregnancy. I dated, but didn’t have sex until I was good and ready, and I was well prepared to make choices for myself to avoid pregnancy, disease etc. My first lover and I were clear on birth control and all of it. The world didn’t end because my mother gave me accurate age appropriate information. In fact, I was able to fall in… Read more »
BTW, what you mistake for reactionary is clarity. That is why I take clear positions on issues. It’s not the first time I’ve thought about or discussed them. As compared to being wish-washy, murky, everything-is-a-gray-area.
I don’t doubt you’ve thought about them Eric, that’s not what I mean. Your opinions are quite clear, and it isn’t that I actually disagree with some of them (boys are being under-served in education) but your way of describing the problem is reactionary (no one cares about boys). The “no one” is completely inaccurate and designed to provoke. You obviously care. I care. There are women and men who care, Eric. There are books written about the subject. That’s what I mean about reactionary. Your post about “It’s the message that sex is an urgent and involuntary bodily initiative… Read more »
“ . . . but your way of describing the problem is reactionary (no one cares about boys). The “no one” is completely inaccurate and designed to provoke. You obviously care. I care.” Not reactionary at all. Relatively speaking, NO ONE cares. The evidence is that NOTHING, literally, is being done to stem the tide. Yeah, somebody’s mother cares but there are no major programs, policies, initiatives, well funded 501(3)c’s. Do this: Google “girls education” and count the number of hits and .orgs that have advocacy programs or whose entire mission is dedicated to that cause. Write it down. Then,… Read more »
Texas has a high rate of poverty compared to other states. Teen pregnancy is just one of many higher risk factors of being poor. It has little to do with sex-ed. Look at Chicago. LOTS of sex-ed in public schools, and yet a high rate of pregnant teens because there is so much poverty among inner-city families.
Texas is an abstinence only state. There are copious amounts of programs that promote no sex until marriage. At all. True Love Waits. Your rose will lose all it’s petals if you let a man sniff it etc etc. So yeah, Eric, Texas is basically telling kids, DON”T DO IT AT ALL. That’s not working all that well, and yes Luckey is right, there are issues connected to class, income etc with that too. Also how religion plays a part in school educations in Texas and other red states. I’d also guess (not bet money) that males are focused on… Read more »
“(weirdly there are no mother son dances isn’t that interesting)” Not really – it just blinds people to the fact that abusers can be women. It also just reveals the blind spot to sons being the target of abuse! Daddy is the big protector – and Daddy’s girl needs protecting. Daddy’s little soldier is rough and tough – a pseudo man, just like Daddy. Mommy is a saint in the kitchen. Apple Pie abounds. SEX is supposed to be an adult thing! Adults know best ( oh boy ) so none adults are ignorant, even when they are sexual beings.… Read more »
When you have a society that claims that men who don’t want to subject themselves to anal sex are homophobic, encourages “safe sex” among the youngest of children, and where no consensual sex act or activity is considered categorically immoral, you get what you get.
I’m really not sure how any of this is related to the above piece but thanks for the share. I’ve never heard anyone express the first two paranoid fantasies you mention; as for the third, yes, whatever two consenting adults want to do with each other is their business… hence “consent” being at the core of many of these issues (and children, of course, can’t consent.) Why don’t you tell us what consensual sex you believe to be immoral and why?
The fact that you fail to see the connection illustrates part of the problem. The “paranoid fantasies” you claim were expressed clearly in a piece here, agreed with, and defended by quite a few. According to the evidence, it’s not paranoia at all.
Can you see where there might be problems with teaching kids that, say, driving or voting or working or joining the military is immoral? But we still manage to teach kids that they shouldn’t do those things until they’re adults or close to it (of course there is some transgression of the age requirement, some benign, some dangerous.) You can teach that only adults should engage in a given activity without it having to be branded wrong or immoral.
Wrong. Why is it that the institution that most vociferously champions the “categorical” immorality of certain sex acts begets clergy abuse? Maybe it’s because the teaching is contrary to the realities of human nature. Totalitarians. often pass laws and make rules that everyone breaks. If we’re all criminals then universal surveillance is justified and anyone can be criminalized at the whim of the ruler. A fearful population is easiest to rule after all and shame is an effective motivator. As for safe sex education for younger folk – shouldn’t they know what we can teach them before they start doing… Read more »