Operating on five hours of sleep despite going to bed before 11 last night. Long about 3-something nature called and I stumbled in the dark to the bathroom a few feet away from my bed. I fully intended to return quickly and dive back down into peaceful slumber. It was not meant to be as a myriad of thoughts came to call; not all pleasant, some, rabidly horror inducing. Ironically, earlier in the day I had guided a client through her habit of ‘overthinking’. Healer, heal thyself as I used the same techniques to eventually (2 1/2 hours later) ease my way back to some shut-eye before the phone rang, reminding me that I am on-call for a crisis hotline for the staff of a local hospital. It was created to provide them with solace and support in the midst of the pandemic. My suggestion to the young person I spoke with yesterday was to address the invading thoughts one by one, doing a reality check and then send them on their way. I recommended symbolically taking them out of her head and turning them over to whatever Higher Power she envisioned so she didn’t need to carry them alone. I offered the idea of replacing them with happy memories, current blessings, and appreciations, as well as what she had to look forward to. I pulled out all the stops and was able to drift off. I may take a nap later today.
My dreams have been tumultuous and terrifying lately, being chased by demons and Nazis, losing my way, hiding in fear, protecting loved ones. Blessedly, I find my way through them but have begun to regard sleep as less than a refreshing experience.
This has become the norm in the past nearly four years since Election Day, 2016 when I dreamed that the White House really looked like the Skeksis castle in the movie The Dark Crystal and the occupants appearing like the raptor-buzzard characters, screeching their anger and frustration when their desires were thwarted, as well as the infighting between them for supremacy. Watch the movie if you haven’t seen it and if you have, view it again and you will likely find yourself shaking your head in amazement at the similarities between it and our current state of affairs. I wonder if Jim Henson who created the film was prescient.
Whichever side of the aisle you find yourself on, you would be hard-pressed to deny that chaos has reigned over the past 36 + months. I call myself a peace-monger/activist/pacifist who shows up, stands up, and speaks out in the face of injustice. I am also an HSP-Highly Sensitive Person who takes on the emotions of the world. Just like in my dreamscape, it gets exhausting physically, mentally, and emotionally. I have heard it called ‘resistance fatigue’. More than a need for sleep, it would take a Rip Van Winkle/Sleeping Beauty tactic to refresh me. There have been times that I have thought it would be wonderful to wake up to a whole new world. That’s when I realize I am part of that re-awakening and need to do all I can to see our way clear to that day.
I have begun to ease back out into the world after self-solituding for nearly three months. Last week, I had my first pedicure since March. More than a decadent indulgence, I have come to see it as a part of my health care. When I walked into the salon, it felt surrealistic since there were only a few customers and staff, rather than it being filled with chatting folks getting their hands and feet pampered. There were partitions between the chairs and everyone wore masks. I cried upon entering since it felt like a ‘normal’ activity under majorly abnormal circumstances. Next was a chiro appointment since my back has been crying for attention for months as well. These two events, as simple as they seem were the first time in ages that I have been touched by anyone other than my son, daughter-in-law, and grandson when I visit occasionally. I felt like my tank was re-filled. Today I am picking up a stationary bicycle to add to my living room gym. It belonged to my dear sister-friend Ondreah who died a year and a half ago. Her sister has had it in storage and we are meeting today for me to receive it. It will be another reminder of our heart connection and the exercise it will provide will help keep my heart ticking.
As I ride, I will imagine that I am putting distance between myself and the nightmare that I pray we will all emerge from soon.
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