By Charity Grant
Sometimes I’ll get a random wave of sadness and don’t know what’s wrong
The emptiness just takes over, and I feel it for so long …
Numb is the best way to describe it
And I do try to hide it
But it takes over me
Slowly then all at once
I start to think of what it may be
But why does that even matter,
Because whatever the reason is it’ll just come and go again
Depression? I don’t think so, but I’m no doctor to tell
As long as my mother doesn’t suspect anything then all is well
But she wouldn’t notice anyways
Too many things to take care of
My father wouldn’t notice either
Too busy in his own
Or at work
But what do I know,
I’m only 17
Too young for this
Too young for that
But old enough to experience the pain of abandonment
The pain of heartbreak
The pain of losing the only person who knows you inside and out
To have them to never want to speak to you again
But that’s life, right?
Some people have it harder than me
So I shouldn’t stress, I have it easy
But growing up in this family I feel as if I have me
Mental health, what’s that?
Anxiety, never heard of it.
Depression, that’s only for white people.
Sometimes I forget I couldn’t possibly be depressed
Since I’m black
But what do I know is I’m no doctor
But what I do know is I can’t keep holding it all in
I need help
But maybe it’s not so bad
I mean, I’ve seen it worse
And I’m able to point it out in others
So I couldn’t possibly be a part of it
But maybe those counseling sessions did help….
And talked about the pettiness of high school drama
I just want to be fixed
But to be fixed you have to be broken
And I couldn’t possibly be broken
Look at me!
Who would even know these are the thoughts that come to mind late at night
Maybe it’s sleep
Maybe it’s just hunger or thirst or fatigue
But whatever it is I hope it stops
Because I can’t keep up with the wave
And I this is the last time
But I know it won’t be…
I’m okay now
Music helped me out this time
And it usually does
Just turn on a song that had no meaning at all
Bye bye wave I’m all right
But then what?
Do I just wait for your return?
I know it’s coming
It’s not like this every day
Can’t remember the last wave
But I know I had one
It’s not my period
So what is it?
I’ll be fine anyway, just a wave
And waves past
they come in slow
But full of force
Crashing against the shore and waiting to take anything under with them
But soon after
They return back
Slowly as they came
And for a few moments, there is peace
Until the next wave
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