What Is Your ‘Why’?

This week I listened to a podcast called SolFul Connections, hosted by Amanda Sullivan Soler. Her guest that particular day was Jennifer Gardella, a coach, writer and educator. I was already familiar with both of these women and the wisdom that they offer generously but on this particular day, as I was immersed in the stories they shared, one particular thought jumped out, waving its arms, clamoring for my attention. It was something Jen asked, “What is your why?”  I took it to mean, what it is that motivates me, gets me out of bed in the morning, when I just don’t wanna, what keeps me keepin’ on when my energy is flagging, what helps me to re-focus my ADHD brain when it is off chasing bunny rabbits and squirrels, what bolsters and uplifts me when I feel discouraged. My immediate thought was that I want to leave a better world for my grandchildren.

Dean (2 years and 10 months old) and Lucy (6 months old) are the center of my universe, as predicted by my son before they were born. My mornings are spent watching them, playing with them, feeding them, dressing, diaper changing, singing, dancing, cuddling, reading to them, listening to music, and watching cool kids’ tv. When I look at these kiddos, I am grateful that they have a loving, safe, secure home to grow up in where their needs are met, where they are surrounded by family who love them ‘to the moon and back’. The next shift, when I go to work includes my daughter in law’s parents and/or sister. My hope is that they grow up to be secure, confident, kind, generous, successful adults. I tell them that they are my favorite people on the planet. I truly mean that. I have many in my life who I love dearly, but these two, have me (as my father used to say) wrapped around their little fingers. Their little minds are on the go, absorbing everything around them like sponges. Everything we say, everything we do around them, becomes fodder for their growth.

So it is, for all of the children. I am a social justice activist, as anyone who has read my column can easily tell. That means showing up, standing up and speaking out when I see injustice being done. It means voting my conscience, for candidates who are forward thinking and who make decisions based on the future of all the children on the planet. It means writing and speaking about the subjects some would rather avoid, such as racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, anti-Semitism, hatred and bigotry of any sort.

It means addressing the distorted version of the 2nd amendment that has some people declaring that it indicates unlimited right to own and use any sort of gun they so desire.  It means knowing that climate crisis is real and as a species seemingly hell bent on extinction, we need to wake up and make the necessary changes or we risk that very outcome.

I used to think that my why/purpose was to be center stage, to be loved best of all, everybody’s sweetheart. I attempted to earn that place in people’s lives by being the consummate caregiver. I was often disappointed when it only worked for the short term, leaving me feeling ‘all gived out,’ and soon, I felt bereft and compelled to up my game and be even more irresistible. Ironically, the pandemic brought that to a halt. I was not out there in the world, interacting face to face which called on me to go inward and take my own inventory. I asked myself my motivation to be a consummate caregiver. It all came circling back around to the co-dependent, savior behavior in order to earn love. The irony of that strategy was that when people did want to shower me with love, I sometimes held them and their offerings at arm’s length.

What used to feel essential, is no longer a priority. What is now essential is to consider the impact of my choices, my words and actions. So it is for all of us. Who we are, what we do and say makes a difference.

I invite you to ask yourself, “What is my why?”

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.

All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community. A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities. A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.

Register New Account

—

This Post is republished on Medium.

—

Photo credit: iStock