We are so wound up about “victims” that we cannot even tell when someone is a true victim and when they are just stuck in what many call victimization mode. Nor can we see false victimization!! What is the difference?
False victimization is :
diverting attention away from acts of abuse by claiming that the abuse was justified based on another person’s bad behavior (typically the victim)
soliciting sympathy from others in order to gain their assistance in supporting or enabling the abuse of a victim (known as proxy abuse).
It is common for abusers to engage in victim playing. This serves two purposes:
justification to themselves – as a way of dealing with the cognitive dissonance that results from inconsistencies between the way they treat others and what they believe about themselves.
justification to others – as a way of escaping harsh judgment or condemnation they may fear from others.
The new age victim mode is what many hear from Gurus. Often times when they discuss awareness and taking responsibility for your share of the issue. It’s mostly in regards to the epidemic of blame.
Yet often times we get stuck on a thought we heard and run with it. Applying it to everyone in every situation. It implies there are no “True Victims”. It isn’t true!
There is a spectrum in these situations and certainly, blame can be truly there. Since our conditioned mind tells us that victims ask for it, or “Attracted It To Them” We turn away from the perpetrator and call out victims. This only supports false victimization.
From the viewpoint of how the brain works, we have thoughts happen eight seconds before our conscious mind realizes it. Within milliseconds after the thought, the action happens. Our actions and behaviors are driven 70+% by our subconscious. That in itself disproves the idealism that we are responsible for our actions all the time. We don’t ASK for it. We’re wired! That doesn’t take away from the perpetrator’s responsibility for their actions.
That doesn’t mean that a woman (or man) ASKS (or attracted it to them) to be raped. Asks to be in an abusive relationship. Nor does it mean she or he is responsible for a “Stalker”.
We’ve taken this new age trend of taking responsibility and not blaming to the point where we just turn our heads on true victims. I hear it all the time “You are responsible for what happens to you, you signed up for it” That is correct to a point! We do have parts we play in every situation. We are NOT always responsible for what happens. We do not control others behaviors, actions or thought process. It isn’t always 50/50. There is a spectrum of who is responsible for what. We take things too far to the other end and don’t have the understanding of what we are talking about.
It’s a well-known phrase in new age psychology or woo-woo mentality that “You might be a victim, but you don’t have to act like one”.
Well yes, you DO! Because you are! Because that is how we respond physiologically there are reasons for it. We’ve gone from no responsibility for our actions to total responsibility for our actions and the actions of others.
Yet this very mentality is the reason society doesn’t change. Passivity! The using of new age beliefs to not make waves. Not hold others accountable. The new agers feel they have to take total responsibility for their “part” and then they just let it go. They do nothing. We or should I say they leave it to the “Universe” to give the other person Karma.
We are subconsciously “Justifying Abuse”! We have no clue!
All of this puts the blame of the victim! False victimization is huge as we ( some of us) witnessed with the Kavanaugh and Ford issue. It takes the eyes of perpetrators and puts it all on the victim.
You never hear the terms ” You’re behaving like a perpetrator”. As a society, we have neatly packaged victimization as a thing to avoid. We’ve left victims un-supported, unattended to and unheard!!!
WE ARE VALIDATING PERPETRATORS AND DIMINISHING VICTIMS
We never question it! Why?
I hear it all the time!. Especially the new agers – the ones that have this belief that “they don’t want to promote victimization”. Many do not even acknowledge true victims exist.
This is the main issue with this new age movement! They are so stuck in their beliefs they cannot see one right in their face!
They cannot see that they are perpetuating perpetrators and diminishing victims.
Do they even know what false victimization is? I doubt it!
We are so stuck on appearances that child molestation hasn’t gone down in decades! Why? “He seems like such a great guy”.
As if how someone is on the outside is how they really are! I suspect a rapist or child molester wouldn’t go around acting like rapist and child molesters.
Same goes with Domestic Violence. He seems like such a “GOOD MAN!” Do you expect that they will go around acting like a someone that abuses their partner? Likely, no!
Yet here we are in the 21 century and we still haven’t a clue!! People are not what they want you to think they are. Why is that news?
We are an approval-seeking society. This hurts victims all over this country, every day!
We are undereducated and too into the neutral ground to even know which one is the real victim. We have this comfort zone created to use as an excuse called ” I DON’T WANT TO ENABLE VICTIMIZATION” We don’t have the wherewithal to even differentiate what a victim is over a person that is invested in keeping their public persona going and not being revealed, ” False Victimization”.
We in the new age/ woo-woo society can damage a person by
1. Being neutral when injustice is done
2. Turning our backs on true victims
3. Not really LISTENING to the victims and supporting them
4. Not acknowledging victims exist
5. Using spirituality as a way to disengage
It really seems as if we just want to be ‘out of it” so we can go back to our peaceful, comfort zone lives. Meditating it away! “Let’s be positive” We are too frightened to look at the victim and see their pain, it’s too much. So we find excuses not to. True victims these days have to just hide and heal there is very little support and comfort in time of need. Victims are still shunned!
THE ENLIGHTENED WAY IS TO BE NEUTRAL
The woo-woo neutral way is the way that most feel is the enlightened way. It is not. This quote really resonated with me. It reinforced what I was already experiencing.
Desmond Tutu wrote:
If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.
When being neutral is nothing more than a cop-out. Rant and rave about equality, justice, and peace all you want. When it comes down to it, it’s all talk! More often than not those things “TAKE ACTION” to back them up!
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