Accept Non-Closure

Essay 14 of 18

Yeah, you did good work this weekend, brotha. I bless the work you did. But, no matter what happens or doesn’t come from it, you got to know you did it for yourself.

I hope that Tema would have the wisdom to digest some of those voice notes/casts. But my instincts are that in the same way, she didn’t have the relational development/experience to end things properly; she may not have it to seek closure right now. Given her generation, her culture, and limited relational and life experiences, it could take her years, even decades, to see herself in the face of this.

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So, I will leave you with this idea one of my consultant friends says to me in the context of justice, equity, diversity, and inclusion (JEDI) work. He says, “Accept non-closure.” That idea is so powerful that I transfer it to romantic relationships. Because the statement is one of the most life-giving and freeing things I have ever heard, I suggest trying to accept it and practice it. Because when many of us go through a breakup, our minds get jammed up looking for the perfect and the proper benediction to every story tied off with a nice neat bow.

So, even with the fantastic work you did for yourself to produce and process those 16 voice notes/casts for your sense-making, in some dimensions of this, be prepared to accept non-closure.

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Essay 15 of 18: Spiritual Intimacy (coming 04.13.2022)

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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