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I hadn’t seen my old friend Joe in quite a while. We lived in different parts of the country, and when I happened to be traveling close to his hometown, I decided to reach out and connect. After a lot of juggling to find a good time, we agreed to meet the next day. I assumed we were both really looking forward to catching up.
Instead, he called me just a few hours after we made the plan to say our meeting was going to interfere with a qigong class that he wanted to take. He wouldn’t be able to make it after all. I was more than annoyed: I was disappointed and a little hurt — especially when I learned this class was held four times a week.
To see him, I was forfeiting plenty of things myself — including my own yoga class — and had rearranged my schedule to make the meeting work. But I figured that if his qigong class was more important than a rare chance to get together, that was good information to keep in mind.
I wished him well, said perhaps there would be another time, and decided this was not a friendship worth tending to much more. As we hung up, I wondered if my voice had betrayed my disappointment. I also wondered if we’d ever connect again.
Half an hour later the phone rang. It was Joe. “I made a mistake,” he said. “I can do the qigong class any time. Who knows when we’ll get a chance to meet again?”
Those first four words — I made a mistake — shifted everything. Simple as they were, they actually took me by surprise. When I thought about why they had such a strong impact, I realized it was because we so rarely hear them. Saying “I made a mistake” is not only powerful, it’s undeniably authentic.
Joe could have said, “Let’s just meet — I can do the qigong class anytime.” But I might have wondered if he had sensed my disappointment and just felt pressured to change his mind. “I made a mistake” left no question in my mind that he’d had a change of heart. It made me realize why I valued him as a friend in the first place.
Our culture often teaches us to not admit mistakes or admit when we’re wrong. We rarely hear leaders admit an error, let alone say those four words. There’s simply not a lot of good modeling for it. Most of the time, we swim in the waters of “mistakes are bad,” and are more inclined to backpedal and defend our position. We tend to excel at excusing our words or behavior, or just ignoring a blunder altogether.
Joe’s “I made a mistake” cleared the air immediately and just as quickly, restored our friendship. I didn’t even need or want an apology: we’re all human, and we all make mistakes. When we own our humanity with such grace and ease, it creates connection, and opens the way for others to own their mistakes and actions. There’s a huge ripple effect. Do you ever notice you want to be around people like that? And that people want to be around you when you’re like that?
We often get a nudge when we’re out of integrity with our spirit — when our human mind or ego is overriding what our higher self wants us to be doing. If we pay attention, we can feel it in our body. It often shows up as discomfort — like something is off — but we can’t put our finger on it. It also shows up when we start defending our actions to ourselves or painting the other person as the one who’s wrong. But when our actions and words are in alignment with what our heart wants, we’re able to speak clearly, powerfully and authentically. And that discomfort in body or mind usually disappears — often immediately.
Try it: Does saying “I made a mistake” come naturally to you? Are you one of those people for whom those four words are among the hardest to say? Many say they are some of the hardest words to utter in the English (or any) language. You can give yourself a break, but don’t let that stop you from practicing them.
Start with saying them to yourself when they happen to be true. Sometimes the hardest person to admit a mistake to is yourself — as it can trigger a boatload of feelings you may not particularly want to deal with. But when we don’t face our mistakes they just live in our bodies as stuck energy, often recycling through us at the most inopportune times.
Like anything, saying these four words will get easier with practice. As you get more comfortable with your mistakes you might just start to experience a new sense of ease and peace with yourself. Life can take on a more confident and playful quality.
As for me, I had to admit to myself I made a mistake too. I’d concluded that this was perhaps not a friendship worth tending to much more. I didn’t honestly voice my disappointment in the first place, and then I jumped to a negative judgement about Joe without giving him the benefit of the doubt. In almost writing off our friendship, I made a mistake.
There’s a lot of power in these four words. Play with them and see what happens!
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This content is brought to you by Diane Pienta
Diane Pienta is a writer, forest therapy guide and creativity mentor. A former businesswoman, she was sparked by a cancer diagnosis to transform her own life with alternative healing, creativity, nature, yoga and meditation, This led to a new career guiding others to be their own magic in ways that bring joy and fulfillment. She’s the author of Be the Magic: Bite-Sized Nuggets of Wisdom to Feed your Joy, Nourish your Soul and Open your Heart. Find her on Instagram at @dianepientamagic and Facebook at dianepienta. More information at DianePienta.com
