—
In a world of self-help literature, motivational speakers, and success coaches — all designed to teach ambitious men how to be the “best version of themselves” — few understand how to be better men.
Men interpret the idea of being the best version of themselves in diverse ways:
- Some choose the archetype of the king. They want to be rich, powerful, and influential.
- Some select the warrior. They want to be alpha males, strong in the face of adversity, rugged individualists.
- Some instead pick the magician. They want to be smarter, more competent. They want to be erudite — men with a deep understanding of their field of expertise. They aspire to be wizards who dazzle with their mastery.
While all these are noble aspirations, they are not the key to being the best version of yourself. The secret to the good life that philosophers ponder over is to live with honor and be a decent man.
Here, then, are some things you might expect from an honorable man.
1. He tries to understand how other people feel about things.
He has empathy, the capacity to recognize the feelings of others. This skill helps him intuitively understand how to respond in almost every situation. He understands other people’s perspectives. If, for instance, he loves to lift weights but has young children who need a babysitter, he will look for gyms with childcare because he wants his children to have a fun place to play, too.
2. He strives to be fair.
Life constantly challenges him with different situations that are not fair, but he does his best to do what he can. His sense of fairness shows up in different ways. He helps at home. He supports a neighbor who’s moving. He fills in for a colleague at work who desperately needs time off.
3. He is a man of his word.
He honors his promises and takes responsibility for them. He keeps his word. When he says that he will do something, he does it. His words are followed by congruent action. He doesn’t say one thing and mean something else. He doesn’t forget or evade or disappoint. He takes pride in his ability to do what he can for others.
4. He is true to himself.
He has found the secret to life. He believes in living a purposeful life because he has identified his talents and strives to develop them and serve humanity. He has a clear vision of his future and the hard work he must do to achieve his dreams.
6. He is a man of action.
Since he is dedicated to living with purpose and nurturing his innate talents, he recognizes the importance of goals, making plans, and taking progressive action. Goals provide him with direction and motivation. He feels responsible for staying on track with them. Achieving his goals is not an easy task because it takes time, discipline, and effort. To stay motivated, he consistently focuses on the small tasks that will lead to success.
In Defense of Decency
Decency is becoming increasingly rare. It could be an aspiration by itself. Or it could be paired with the aspiration of being a king, a warrior, or a magician. There is nothing wrong with these archetypal ways of living if they are tempered with kindness, patience, and love. But men who are envious, who boast, who bristle with pride over the smallest criticism sow the seeds of their own destruction. Meanwhile, those who are decent live on in the hearts of those they meet. They are respected because they seek to repair a world fractured by deceit, strife, and uncertainty.
—
