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Excerpted from “Who the F*ck is Michael?!: An Israeli Air Force Chief’s Uncompromising Code for Achieving Greatness” (Viva Editions, April 8, 2025)
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In every interaction between people — spouses, family, friends, business partners, et cetera — different types of decisions are made.
Concerning each decision, two aspects must be examined:
The first is the nature of the decision.
The second is the dynamic, the energy and the mutual feelings created among the people involved, during and after the decision-making process.
Over the years, I have learned that in decision-making, several main types of situations tend to arise.
In the first situation, I must decide, and it is within the scope of my authority and responsibility.
In this case, I consult, I listen, I consider — and then I decide.
Even if I do not accept the recommendations of whomever I consulted, I emphasize some aspect of their advice which has proven good and helpful.
If I accept their recommendations, I do not hesitate to give them real and public credit.
It doesn’t diminish me. Rather, it enhances them and greatly strengthens the dynamic and the bond between us.
In the second situation, someone else has to decide and it is within the scope of their authority and responsibility.
In that case, I’m not in the center. What matters is the 318other and the decision they have to make.
I only offer advice (assuming they asked me to…)
If my advice is not accepted, I don’t broadcast it as an insult or disappointment. I’m not supposed to be in the center and not everything revolves around me…
More than that: Even if my advice is accepted, I don’t expect public acknowledgment and credit. It’s just a bonus, and some people have a hard time doing that.
I know and they know that I have wholeheartedly given advice to someone whose best interests I care about, helping with an issue important to them.
In the third situation, responsibility is undefined, so it is actually a joint decision.
When the issue is important to me, I declare it as such calmly but clearly, and I lead the process in a spirit of cooperation and thoughtfulness.
If I feel that the subject is more important to the other person than to me, I let them make the decision and go with the flow sincerely, without making faces…
If they ask, I tell them.
If they don’t ask? That’s fine too.
If they insist that I be a partner in the decision, I ask the other person to choose three alternatives that are good for them, and I help them make the choice.
Often, the dynamics between people are more important than the quality of the decision.
For example, what type of sofa to buy, which restaurant to go to, or where to go on vacation.
The color of the sofa does not matter that much, nor how nice it looks — what is important is that we sit on it to enjoy ourselves and have fun.
In the fourth situation, the other person makes an important and significant decision that concerns me without taking me into account, contrary to my clear and unambiguous position, without consulting me at all.
When it comes to an issue that is important and significant to me, and the decision makes me feel so bad that I cannot make my peace with it, I will live my truth and just not be there.
In some situations, only listening, empathy, and identification are required.
To really listen to the other, to feel what they’re feeling without expressing an opinion, merely reflecting the other’s words and being with them. Sometimes it is important for them to say their piece, to know that I hear them, I’m with them, and I understand them.
They’ll reach the necessary conclusions on their own.
Listening is the greatest gift you can give, and the greatest gift you can receive.
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General (Ret.) Elyezer Shkedy was the fifteenth commander of the Israeli Air Force. During his service, Shkedy commanded numerous strategic operations, including the now-famous Operation Orchard airstrike on the Syrian nuclear reactor. After retiring from active duty, Shkedy became the CEO of the Israeli flag carrier airline El Al—the largest airline in the country. Today, he volunteers as chairman and leader of over fifteen educational and social non-governmental organizations, and is the president of I Belong Israel, where he speaks about the importance of tolerance, leadership, and personal values. His new book is WHO THE F*CK IS MICHAEL?! AN ISRAELI AIR FORCE CHIEF’S UNCOMPROMISING CODE FOR ACHIEVING GREATNESS.
