I am in a long-distance relationship for the past 3 years. We both are living in different countries and managing our relationship with opposite time zones.
My boyfriend lives in the U.S. and I live in India. Due to Covid, we haven’t met this year. People say that long-distance doesn’t work but I don’t agree.
I know it’s hard at times as there is no physical presence as it is one of the most crucial things in any relationship but if you mentally prepare yourself and work on it. It isn’t that hard as people describe. I am describing the 10 ways that we make it work.
1. Video calls daily
Do a video call instead of a normal call.
I always do a video call to my partner no matter how small or long our conversation lasts but looking at his expression makes the talk real.
Looking at your partner’s facial expressions while talking makes you understand their feelings. You can notice whether your partner is sad, happy, feeling loved, or going to tell a joke so that you both are going to laugh out loud.
Video call can give you a sort of physical presence, not the real one but similar to that.
2. Fix a perfect time to talk
Both partners are busy with their own stuff but spare some time throughout your day just for your partner.
Fix that time and just be present for them at that moment. No matter even if it is for 5 minutes a day but this shows that you care and respect your relationship.
Instead of arguing and quarreling that you don’t give me time just fix that slot in a day and be there.
3. Don’t hide anything from each other
Be honest with each other. If something is bothering you about your partner then speak up.
Let things be open and transparent between you two. Don’t hide even if it is small because if your partner got to know about it later on then there are going to be problems.
For example- Your partner should know
- When you are going out with the opposite gender.
- When you are gifting things to the opposite gender.
These things are small and there is no harm in going out and gifting something to your friend but if such things are hidden then there is a problem.
4. Communicate about what’s hurting
Remember you both are away from each other and communication is the best thing to make your relationship grow.
Have a deep and intellectual talk with each other. Tell them what’s hurting. Tell them about your feelings.
Let them know that you need their feedback on certain things. In simple words, show them your every damn feeling. For example communicate:
- When their words made you hurt
- When you didn’t like the way they reacted
- When you need a solution from them about your problems
Remember solution can be found out when the person knows the question. So, speak and let them know that certain things need each other answers to solve.
5. Start giving simple compliments
Your partner needs to know that you love them and you need to show them with action.
Nobody can read each other minds. So, let action speaks that you love them. You can do stuff like-
- Send a cute message in the middle of the day.
- Share photos that have lots of memories.
- Tell them how proud you are of them.
- In the middle of the talk tell them they look handsome or beautiful.
- If they love memes then share a funny story that will make them laugh.
- Tell them about the special things which they did for you and that made you happy. They will be surprised after listening to it.
There are many ways to show love to them. This is a little list of compliments that can make your bond stronger.
6. Give each other space
Someone must be thinking it is already a long distance and still you are saying to give space.
Yes, space is important.
I mean on somedays your partner doesn’t want to talk to you. No there is nothing wrong with you or the relationship. It’s just that this is the time they just want to be with themselves.
Learn to give space to each other to become better individuals. Even the closest of relationships need some alone time to miss each other.
-Peterson Simbotve
7. Embrace the imperfectness in your relationship
Remember no one is perfect on this earth and everyone has the right to make mistakes.
Accept your partner’s mistakes instead of pointing out their flaws. Embrace it. You can’t always get what you want from your partner. So, accept their apology, the mess they create, the way they behave, or when they don’t live up to your expectations.
Stop fighting and start solving such problems by communication. Let your fights, weirdness, and lots of differences make you imperfectly perfect together.
8. Talk like a kid with each other in private
Childish talk comes into action when you start trusting your partner and it happens when you are transparent with your communication.
Being a child in front of each other makes your relationship stronger and according to NBC News, baby talk creates an emotional closeness. Because you are yourself and there is no defense mode activated in the background.
This baby talk happens naturally, you can’t pretend to be a kid in front of your partner. It’s a default mode that gets activated when you are in love with each other.
9. Stop expecting happiness from your partner
Not just stop expecting from your partner but from everyone else as well.
Your partner’s job is not to make you happy always. I have noticed this pattern in many relationships that in the beginning the partner buys gifts and cares for each other very much but then as time passes the things started to become slow. That’s when the expectation words come into the picture and it hurts.
Let your partner be free of those expectations. Stop thinking that — when my partner will do this or that for me then I will be happy. Instead, discover your own way of happiness and let that spread.
I am not saying that your partner should not help you with anything. Yes, your partner should sit with you and listen to your harsh circumstances and make things better for you but don’t give all your happiness ownership to them.
10. The last point is the song which describes the journey of every relationship
This is one of the Turkish serial songs and I am in love with the wordings. I am describing one of the most beautiful paragraphs.
There may be some days when things don’t go exactly how we think
But I’ll always be right there to hold your hand
I promise that I’m gonna love you as long as I can
Oh with everything I am
Just tell me why
Love can’t always be this easy time…
Seems to stand still when you’re standing near me
I spent my whole life second-guessing everything
But now I’m sure…
It’s you that I have been waiting for.
Relationships are beautiful but just take it slow and give time and care to each other to grow together. Let some days be bad and speak what’s hurting to make your relationship stronger.
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Previously published on medium
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Photo credit: by Alvin Mahmudov on Unsplash