Fellow GMP Author and Editor Joanna Schroeder published an article recently Guys, Is This Really What You Expect of Women? and put out the challenge to list the dating expectation that men must meet while in the dating arena.
Having joined the dating arena (is arena the correct term, it feels like mortal combat, just deadlier) here is a list of the 10 impossible expectations I feel I have to meet to attract the girl of my dreams and my thoughts on how to overcome them.
1. That clean shaven rugged look.
You know the look, something only distinguished gentlemen such as Pierce Brosnan and George Clooney can pull off. I’m fairly certain most women don’t really care but they like to say they do as revenge for the fact that we don’t spend three hours putting on makeup.
2. Be confident and proud but not arrogant.
Know your place in the universe, have your self-worth calculated down to a tenth of a penny and have achievements like the cure for cancer under your belt, but don’t brag because it’s a turn off. Now the easy part in all of this is curing cancer, walking that fine line between confidence and being perceived as an arrogant douche is truly a skill only the oblivious can master. People who can manage this should win a Nobel dating prize from the King of Sweden.
3. Smile but don’t be creepy.
I surveyed some of my female friends and this one ties into point two above. If you are arrogant and smile it will make you look like a shark and if you are nervous and smile it will make you look like the clown out of the American Horror Story. The best place to practice smiling is while you are greeting the King of Sweden.
4. Be tall, just not really tall.
The ideal height is about two to three inches taller than the women you want to date. They would like to look up into your eyes but they draw the line at seeing your nose hairs. For short guys there are high heeled shoes you can buy which will give you a few inches. For those of us towering above the rest of humanity I would recommend some nose clippers and season tickets to women’s basketball.
5. Be passionate.
Passionate people fall in love with their art, work, hobby or dreams and spend every waking moment driven to take themselves one step closer to their dreams. Of course when you find your passion you become addicted to it and every available moment of your day is now consumed. This is a problem for women as you should be willing to make time in your life for your potential partner. My advice is to use that same passion and sweep her up in it. If you are an author, write a story about her, if you are an artist paint her and if you are a crime scene investigator … you will need a second passion.
6. Be emotionally intelligent but not emotional.
Ah, this old bear trap. As men we know that we have the full range of emotions women have but society really hasn’t prepared women on how to handle this. I would suggest have a friend post a video of his wedding, show it to your date and squeeze out a single tear as you both watch so your date now understands you aren’t an unfeeling brute. I wouldn’t take it any further than that as it will scare her off.
7. Be kind and gentle, but not nice.
It’s amazing how many people feel the need to redefine the dictionary on the word nice. This can be deciphered as simply be kind and gentle to others but be a strong, confident, direct and decisive (not nice) towards your date. Women always leave the pronouns off when they tell us this and it leaves most of us men very confused.
8. Show your feminine side in a manly way.
If you escaped the bear trap from point six then just behind this is the pit of doom. Show your feminine side on a date and you will make a really good friend who will cry on your shoulders on her next breakup. Fail to show your feminine side and you really don’t have any long term potential. In this instance you can leverage scenarios from your friends. If one of your friends is going through a breakup check your phone (once only) and tell your date about your friend and that you’re concerned about their emotional state. You don’t need to share that your friend’s a psychopath and your concern is more about his lack of emotional states.
9. Be spontaneous on your planned date.
Use your imagination and practice your surprise face. “Oh look, the fair just happens to be on the way back to the car, we should go in” should just roll naturally off your tongue. Don’t fret about the fact you had to park two miles from the restaurant. A good plan will always appear spontaneous.
10. Be funny and witty and serious about your life.
Women get bored easily with endless repeats of “So where do you come from…” and unless you can show your keen wit and intellect and make her laugh she is going to give you a small non-committal smile and say something along the lines of “I forgot to return my library book, I have to get going.” If you really aren’t funny perhaps practice your mime skills.
Just remember she also needs space to open up to you and she won’t be able to do that if she is laughing all the time. She also needs to know that there is a man of substance behind that intellect and wit because she will become bored with laughing.
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