10 issues you might be considering covering up — that she’ll eventually discover about you.
By Dennis Ryan
Since everyone makes mistakes, we all have things in our past we’re not proud of. In some cases, maybe it’s more a question of aspects of our personality (very much in the present) that we’d rather cover up a little bit. And while it may be tempting to try to woo and seduce the object of your affection by lying a little bit — whether by simply omitting certain truths or by enlisting a recently de-lamped genie to turn you into a full-blown prince — it turns out that honesty, surprising as it may sound, sometimes really is the best policy.
With that in mind, we’ve put together a list of the top 10 issues you might be considering covering up — but that we know she’ll eventually discover about you.
10.You Watch Porn
You watch porn, and there’s a pretty good chance chedoes too. While it’s probably tempting for you to gush about how awful and disrespectful porn can be, she’s not gonna buy it for a second. And one day down the line when you forget to clear your browsing history or she sees that payment to Brazzers on your credit card statement, you’ll be at a loss to explain why you enjoy something you claimed was so detrimental to men. Not only will you be busted as a porn connoisseur, you’ll also be busted for lying, which is way worse.
9. You Have Massive Debt
It’s not for her to judge you on the decisions you made which left you in debt. Most of us take on sizable loans in order to pay for an education or put a down payment on a home. Some of us decided to spend two years traveling around the world or trying to get a business off the ground. Whatever the reason for your financial situation, it’s in the past and your job is to stay afloat. Just don’t expect to be able to hide your monetary obligations from her. If you keep having to turn down the idea of a weekend getaway or skimp on date night over and over, she’s gonna realize something’s up. Put her at ease by explaining how you wound up in debt and what steps you’re taking to get out.
8. You’re A Bit Of A Slob
Nobody’s saying you’re Mr. Clean himself, but if you’re packing six weeks’ worth of dirty dishes in your sink and your floor, chairs and bed are covered with unwashed clothes, you might qualify as a bit of a dirty slob. Is that the kind of thing that bothers her? If so, you might have to clean up your act in a hurry. Of course, there’s always the possibility that she’s just as much of a slob as you — in which case, maybe you don’t have to completely clean up your whole place every time she stops by, after all.
7. You’ve Cheated Before
Women can be incredibly resourceful when it comes to finding stuff out about you, and this little characteristic is one they take very seriously. If you’ve had troubled relationships in the past where you cheated, regardless of whatever reason you had, take the opportunity early on to tell her your side of things. If she finds out through a game of broken telephone from an ex on your Facebook or from a coworker who’s roommates with the girl you cheated on, it’ll be almost impossible for you to put a good spin on what happened. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if you found out she cheated in the past and never told you? It would suck. This is definitely a story you want to get ahead of.
6. Your Psychological Issues
Again, you may be able to hide your depression or anger issues from her at the outset, but a leopard can’t change its spots so much as mask them, and sooner or later any psychological issues you may have will present themselves to her. Truthfully, if you have any kind of crippling or relationship-sabotaging psychological issues, you should actively work on dealing with them, more for your sake than hers, but let her in on your struggles before she witnesses a full-blown meltdown, so that she knows to expect and can feel confident that you’re making an effort to improve yourself.
5. You Smoke Or Do Drugs
There’s no benefit to going into a relationship under false pretenses, which includes lying about smoking or doing drugs. You may think that you can just smoke or hit the bong when she’s not around leaving her none the wiser. What you’d really be doing is giving yourself an incentive to ditch her so you can indulge in your vices. Like most other things on this list, you’ll benefit the most by giving up these habits altogether, but if you’re set in your ways, make sure that the woman you’re with is understanding or at least tolerant of your less-than-healthy lifestyle choices.
4. You Have Jealousy Issues
The best advice here would be “don’t have jealousy issues,” which is admittedly easier said than done. Most women want to feel that you’re genuinely interested in them, but they tend to get defensive if you start questioning every private phone call or text message they get from another guy. In any case, if you know you have a tendency to get jealous of other guys, you may want to face it head on with her before she ends up resenting you when your jealousy manifests itself in more boorish ways.
3. Your Hardcore Political Or Religious Views
Whether or not you can reconcile your political views with hers will depend on how entrenched you guys are in opposing ideas and how open-minded the two of you can be. If you’re staunchly anti-abortion and she’s religiously pro-choice, you may get into some prickly conversations that leave you both feeling more riled up than romantic. If you’re an atheist and she’s a devout Christian, certain questions are going to come up at a certain point that are easily dismissed at the start of a relationship but can carry a lot of weight when things begin to get serious. What’s important is to identify any opposing beliefs early on so that you can decide if there’s a tenable future for the two of you as a couple.
2. Your Health Issues
You may not go on a first date flaunting a very real health concern, but you shouldn’t hold out hope that you can hide something that requires regular treatment for very long. Whether it’s something serious like an STD or diabetes or something minor like hair loss or athlete’s foot, it’s coming out. Again, the sooner you make her aware of any health problems you’ve got on your plate, the sooner the both of you can decide whether it’s a dealbreaker.
1. You Lack Traditional Guy Skills
While we actively encourage you to learn as many skills as you can that most men can take pride in — from changing a tire to brewing your own beer — it could also be that you’re not the handiest man in the world and the idea of using anchors to hang a picture is outside your scope of expertise. There’s nothing wrong in knowing that your skills lie elsewhere as long as you’re not painting a picture of yourself as some masterful craftsperson. That little fiction will come undone the second you get a flat while driving her home or when her oven stops working. Again, it’s better to be upfront and risk having to find someone better suited to who you are than to build a relationship on a foundation of tiny lies.
This article originally appeared on Ask Men. For more from Ask Men, try: