10 Reasons You Are Single Even Though You Want a Partner

Singleness is often viewed as something that is wrong with you.

However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you are single by choice.

This article seeks to address those who are not single by choice and wish to have a partner, but seem unable to find or sustain any interaction to transition to a relationship stage.

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There are many reasons why one may be single though they desire a partner.

It is hard sometimes to face this reality but one that you must if you are to meet not just a partner but the one that is right for you.

Too picky — we know it, we do it…We look for the one thing that is wrong and go off on that not realizing the great qualities the potential partner possesses.

There’s no perfect person and to keep waiting for such will doom to you to be well..single indefinitely!

In no way should you be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect, value you.

The pickiness referred to here would be things that are generally manageable, such as they may not be tidy, they may leave the bathroom seat up, they leave shoes by the door, they don’t cook every day and the list could go on….when we look for things to pick we will find them!

List of requirements too many — It is good to know what and who you looking for in a partner, yet sometimes the list is exhaustive.

I remember once meeting someone and they had a list of thirty things to begin that a partner must fulfill!!

I barely read two before I ran out the door as quickly as I could!

The point is if you want to scare someone off, rattling off a list of requirements will definitely do so.

Once you know the key areas such as financial management, perspective on child rearing, spiritual and common values and ethics, you can uncover the others as you go along in conversation. Rather than treating the person as if they are on trial.

Waiting for the perfect one — While this may resemble the point of pickiness it is somewhat different.

You meet someone that you believe you can spend a future or a long term relationship with, yet you believe in the fairy tale that there is someone coming to sweep you off your feet and live happily ever after.

As such you let the person that is right for you go, because somehow you believe that there is an absolutely perfect person out there and though you appreciate the person that is right in front of you, you are waiting for the person that is the “perfect one”.

After a while only to realize that the perfect one is the one that you walked away from.

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Expecting too much — We all have irksome ways.

If we spent just a minute to self reflect we would realize that.

Most days, all of us, are doing the best we can on that given day.

Our best for that day may not be great, but it is the best we can possibly do.

Yet there is an added pressure at times attributed to a potential mate to be all things at all times.

If you really appreciate someone you will try your best, but that’s all anyone can do.

If the best being offered is not good enough, then it may be that you are expecting too much.

This will frustrate a potential partner, as the more they do, you are never satisfied and keep wanting more.

Let’s all consider how we would respond if we are on the receiving end of trying and trying and nothing is good enough, if you would wish to continue to try with such a partner.

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Not ready to have a partner though you say it — Quite often in a world that values couples, you may genuinely want to spend time reconnecting with self.

Yet there is the push to be in a relationship and you feel the societal pressure along with that of family and other close friends.

Though in your heart you know that you are not ready for one.

It then leads to you sabotaging the relationship.

I can recall after a break-up I wanted time to breath and reflect.

Yet before I was properly out of one, my family and friends had lined up a series of dates.

Not wanting to hurt their feelings I did go and eventually started dating one person consistently.

Needless to say it was a disaster as I really wanted time alone and enjoy my company at that point and therefore didn’t make much time for the relationship.

It ended as quickly as it started.

It is better to stand up and state your position than to find yourself pushed into a relationship when you are not ready for one as it hurts the partner as well as yourself.

Don’t understand the courting process — Dating to know someone takes some time.

It’s not possible to rush this.

Courting involves seeing them in all various settings understanding their moods , how they respond to you in front of their family and friends and seeing them respond in crisis.

Quite often persons are so anxious to marry, for those who want to, they try to rush the courting process, this results in not having sufficient time to understand your partner and rushing into premature long term relationships whether by marriage or cohabitating.

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Focus on what the other person brings to the relationship and not you — A rule that should guide one dating is that whatever you ask of the person, you should also provide.

So if you want someone who is healthy and fit, so should you.

If you want someone financially stable and emotionally healthy and whatever else, you should present this also.

Focusing on how you benefit from a relationship usually represents selfishness that leaves your partner with a deficit that they may eventually resolve my leaving the relationship.

Not patient — we sometimes run into relationships that we shouldn’t because of lack of patience and then it seems like at the start of every week , you find yourself single.

If we spend time growing ourselves and appreciating us, we will eventually find we cross paths with the person right for us.

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Giving affection too quickly before you know the person well — We are created as social creatures and want to belong.

However, it is necessary to resist the impulse to rush into physical and emotional intimacy too soon. Taking time to know someone well can save possible heartbreak later on.

Viewing singleness as being very bad — We often are guided by society dictates that one should have a partner and singleness is bad.

It is important to enjoy the single journey.

Go out to dinner, take trips and grow to know and appreciate you.

Sometimes when looking for a suitable partner we stop living and exist as we think that it is only when we have a partner we can begin to enjoy life.

Doing so makes every day more sad and miserable than the one before.

Instead on the journey to companionship enjoy the journey of singleness.

No one can make you whole and for any relationship to work it requires two whole persons.

So enjoy and who knows on one of your single outing, there might be another single whole person, you can connect with.

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Belonging is a key part of our human connections.

No one wants to exist alone or should exist alone.

We are made for companionship through our intimate relationships, family and friends.

Sometimes though we define who we are only through our intimate partner.

This creates discord and distress if not in a relationship.

This leads to rushing into relationship, being picky and general frustration about being single.

Singleness enjoyed on the journey to companionship creates a whole person who appreciates self and then can find another whole single person that will make the wait worth it.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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