As fathers, we often wonder how our kids will remember us. Avi has provided some incredible insight into how he hopes his kids remember him.
Yesterday Avi Laviad brought some incredible insight to the table about how he wanted his kids to remember him. We promised you 10 things, yesterday we gave you five, here’s how we keep our word. Enjoy the other 10 right here. If you missed yesterday’s post you can find it here.
That I was a role model for them
Parenting doesn’t come with a manual. OK, maybe today it actually does, and with lots of courses, workshops. Each has an agenda and a method of their own, and there’s such a wide variety that this excessive knowledge sometimes cripples parents. I would want my children to imagine what I would have done, and not to go solely by the instructions of the family health center and a good bestseller – I want to be a part of their intuition. I would want my wife and I to serve as an example, for my children to say that we were parents that empowered their children, loved and directed them. Parents who were authoritative on one hand, and warm and loving as well. I would want to know that it burns in them to become such parents as well.
That I made them laugh
People usually remember those who had made them laugh and those who had made them cry. And if one laughs anyway, then why not laugh wholeheartedly, and if one cries, let it be tears of joy and happiness. Laughter can solve many things – an injury in the playground, a fear of needles, and fears and anxiety of the unknown – laughter is a legal and natural drug that is available to all of us. Our children will experience triumphs and failures throughout the years, they will fall in love and will be disappointed as well. That is how life is, waves of happiness and pain, and after many years, when we remain as memories alone, I would like to be remembered with laughter and happiness that will warms my children’s heart in difficult times.
That I loved Mom
It is natural to want our children to know that Dad loved Mom, Dad loved Dad or any other romantic combination that exists today. Statistics show that one out of every three couples gets divorced in the first years of their shared life, so for my children to fall on the right side of the scale, it’s worthwhile for me to show them what true love and a healthy partnership are. There are many who denounce marriage and claim that married life is not natural, and I ask: how is it that an old and longstanding friendship between two girls natural? And how about a friendship between men who served together in combat, still strong when they’re old men, is that natural? So why is romantic love and a shared life unnatural? Because one has to take the trash out every day? Because one sleeps with the same person for fifty years? I want my children to grow up and say that in between the endless stacks of laundry, their father had love, passion and a great friendship – and it all came naturally.
That I was simply a good person
You don’t have to volunteer at an animal shelter or in a soup kitchen in order to be a good person. It starts with the small acts, saying “good morning” to a sleepy neighbor, holding the elevator for an old man with a walker, or giving charity to a stranger, even if the stranger isn’t telling you the exact truth. It is important to be polite, humble, and to ask rather than demand. I want my children to grow up to be good people that will contribute to all around them, and not only receive from others, people that stand up for themselves, yet let others speak their mind.
As a parent, you can explain things from here until kingdom come, but it is all worthless if your children don’t see you act accordingly. Children are like a sponge, they absorb everything, and eventually they’ll imitate some of our behaviors, whether we want them to or not. I want them to grow up to be good people, and that some part of their behavior, even if it is a small part, will be because they think their father is a good person.
That I was patient
Teaching a small child to ride a bicycle without training wheels is not an easy task, and neither is teaching children the alphabet, but we still do it because it’s important for us and our children. This kind of patience must be used further, even when it isn’t easy watching “Frozen” three days straight, or building a tower of blocks while your little one deliberates between whether to choose a red or a pink block, or when you must tell your children everything twice. Or twenty times. I want my children to take their time, not to rush, to try and sometimes even fail, until they finally succeed. I want to be patient with them, and I want them to remember that. To remember that even during the most stressful moments, when the whole world rested on my shoulders, I clenched my teeth and waited patiently. I want them to remember that when I asked something of them, I did it quietly, not forcefully and without yelling – because strength lies in the softly spoken word, and that when things are said quietly – they are the strongest in the whole world, and when they grow up I want them to think that their father was the strongest person in the world.
Photo credit: Flickr/Yvette T.
This post originally appeared on Avi’s blog, www.hormonaldad.com.