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James Michael Sama lets women in on 10 things they can stop worrying about, because frankly, men don’t give a damn.
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Sometimes men get a bad rap for not noticing things, not paying attention to small details, and even just not listening in general. While I do often disagree with many of these generalizations, it is true that there are some things that we just don’t care about.
But, they might not be the kinds of things that you would think. Here is a quick rundown.
We don’t care that your hair or makeup isn’t perfect today.
Trust me, we appreciate the effort you put into looking great—whether it is just for yourself or for a nice event or for your first date with us. But don’t be so hard on yourself—if we are spending time with you, we are doing it because we want to, regardless of how you look.
We don’t care about those few extra pounds that you want to lose.
We all have insecurities—men included. Unless we look like Marky Mark’s Calvin Klein underwear ad, we have plenty of things we want to change about our own bodies, too. We just don’t talk about it as much. Odds are, the small things you are uncomfortable with are never anything a good man would complain about when being intimate with you. We just want to enjoy you.
We don’t care if you make more money than us.
Or less. Or the same. Or whatever. Men who are secure in themselves pay much more attention to who you are as a person and how you make us feel when we are around you, rather than what you choose to do for a profession. I would much rather a woman with a beautiful heart and a beautiful mind than the CEO of a major company who is cold and callous.
The happiness that comes along with loving what you do is more important than a paycheck that comes along with something you don’t.
We don’t care that you have a few drinks on a date.
As mature adults who know our limits when it comes to alcohol, we genuinely don’t mind if you loosen up a little bit or get a little giggly after too much wine. Feeling that you are comfortable around us will make us more comfortable around you. Two things that should be obvious with this point, though:
– Don’t overdo it.
– A good man will never take advantage of you because of this. Just two adults enjoying each other’s company.
We don’t care when you sleep with us.
That’s right. Whether it’s the first date or the fifth date—one thing remains constant: We probably already know whether we want to see you again before we know if/when you are going to sleep with us. We won’t judge you if you want to do it on the first date and we won’t stop calling you if you want to wait until the fifth. If we want to see you again, we will.
We don’t care if you text us first.
Many women don’t think they should text a man first because it shows desperation—this is not true. If he is not texting you and he is interested, he is likely thinking about it constantly but just doesn’t want to come across too strong. He will more than welcome seeing your name pop up on his phone and it will take the pressure off of him moving forward.
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Next: “What you look like when…”
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This article is misleading.
When women look for things men care about they want to know what men care about when picking a wife/solid long term relationship.
Men have been known to hump everything from dustbins and silicone doll body parts and feel content in life just from seeing a ditzy, unattractive waitress smile in their direction once a month. If it’s short term, women know men will take the bare minimum of anything. Women want to know what men want in the long term and when writing about men that distinction should always be made.
Yes, I have experienced this in my life, it’s beautiful when you can just experience each other and not worry about anything else.
Newsflash: not everything a woman does, cares or worries about is for men! Many woman do their hair, makeup, earn money, lose weight, make dinner choices, decide when to have sex etc for, that’s right, themselves! I know dudes, hard to accept it’s not all about you. We are quite capable of deciding for ourselves what to care about. Thanks anyway.
Oh really?
Very hard to accept, yeah!
Hahahahaha
Just would like an honest, loyal, fun, healthy relationship..not a phone texting cannot find time to see each other games!
Well this is a very Excellent Reason why many of us Good men are still Single today since the women of today are Nothing at all like the Good old fashioned women were in the Past that were so much Nicer and much Easier to meet compared to now. Today Most women are very Selfish, Greedy, and very Power Money Hungry since it is all about them.
I don’t think so. I am old school. And to find a man that doesn’t care what there lady looks like is rubbish. As men just want sexy, skinny and bone and showing off half their body to the world.
See theres a difference between a man and a boy… and there are 15 year old men and 40 year old boys… the things you are talking about is what a boy likes in a woman…
I couldn’t agree more!
Well i could really care Less what a woman makes today for a Salary since so many women that have their Careers today really do Believe that they’re all that. But sorry Ladies You’re Not.
I have to laugh when I read an article like this one; not becasue I think it’s ridiculous or untrue, but because I’ve discovered that no matter how many times we say this to women, in all honestly and sincerity, they refuse to believe us. So strong is societal conditioning and women’s own acceptance of the belief that their value is in their looks, that they will reject as nonsense anything they hear to the contrary. I know that everything in this article is absolutely true to every thinking man out there who is beyond the “it’s-all-about-me” head games stage… Read more »
I believe it. I’ve met other men who think this way.
Wish it were true that men did not care as a couple say but the truth is , they very much do. I have had men compare me to porn women in every relationship even though they are half my age and I’ve had several children. Men just do not care about women’s feelings or how they treat us. To the few men who said they don’t care about a womans appearance . Ask yourself , do you use porn? Do the women in the porn hour enjoying look anything like the women you are actually with? I bet not.… Read more »
I’m sorry but I just don’t agree with you. Not all men are like that! Don’t judge all men on a string of your bad decisions. Do men like porn? Sure. Do some women also like porn? Yup. Nothing wrong with that, unless it controls your life or your concept of what your partner should be. For me, porn ignites my desire and imagination. Is it reality? No, and if you think it is or fixate on it as being a sexual standard, there’s probably an issue. I find it curious that, from what I gather, most men you date… Read more »
I have to agree with you there Cath. I had a husband like that. So called worshiped the floor i walked on, but boy give him a porn with girls with big boobs and he was one horny man. It was actually degrading.
Breaking news!!!! Not all men are image concious or sex driven. As a recently widowed man (I lost my wife to breast cancer 10 months ago), I’m here to tell you that these hang ups that women have are crazy!!! I also understand that many men are losers, they’re looking for some talk and cheap sex. Listen, if I really want to see you, I could care less what you’re hair looks like or how much you weigh. Don’t you get it??? You (women) are God’s most beautiful creation!!! You’re sweet, sensitive and loving. I DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE… Read more »
I use to believe like you do but married to a man 27 yrs and bam he says to me your fat and I didn’t marry a fat women I never imagined he would say this to me never he’s no Brad Pitt and he’s done some crappy things but I stayed not because he hot because I believe in love but it truly truly hurt and I should of listened to my mom when she said don’t waste your good yrs on someone that doesn’t care I thought he loves me and would never do anything love is a… Read more »
@Gary..your post made me cry…in a very good way. Thank you for sharing it. your wife was one lucky woman 😉
Most of this is BS, sorry to say. I wish men didn’t care about extra weight or how we look in the morning, but they do. Once a man falls in love, they will likely see you as beautiful regardless. But if they don’t find you attractive to begin with, it’s unlikely they will spend enough time with you to reach that stage. I do think that individual features are less important to men than the overall package – for example, if a woman has a few extra pounds and a gorgeous face, most men will still find her attractive… Read more »
This list is bullshit. I totally care about all of these things and at least I’m man enough to admit.
you are a boy not a man then
It’s true that men care about women’s look , at least a large majority of them do. One only has to look at their lads mags and porn to see what they consider ‘hot’ It’s not the bodies of women who have spent twenty years with them and bring their children into the world . It’s the bodies of young women in their twenties who have not been pregnant that they lust after and who grace the covers of those mags. Yes porns a fantasy, just like someone said above . It’s the fantasy of what every man would love… Read more »
I’ve never seen so much hatred packed into so few words. Madam, you have a mind full of filth and depravity.
Alison is right. I’ve met many people in my life and guys like this do exist. In fact, sometimes it’s ONLY when men are alone with each other, that they’ll admit it.
Ok, I’d say for a mature man most of these tend to be true to a degree. (Though a few extra pounds does not equal obese, let me be clear.) I do still find myself a little conflicted over my superficiality at times, but it’s human nature so you try to see it for what it is and see past it. But let me address the sleep with you on the first date one because that’s the one I have trouble with. And why I tend to avoid the dating game, as I’m a freak of nature who doesn’t believe… Read more »
Matt, I also have a huge issue with the way virgins are portrayed. As a virgin in my late twenties, I feel I have to keep that bit of information to myself or people will think I’m a social leper, a religious psycho, or maybe I was in a coma for a really long time, I don’t know. I also find people playing virgins in tv and movies act extremely socially inept or ridiculously naïve, and lack intelligence and a sense of humour. I tell (and laugh at) sex jokes. I don’t act scandalized or turn scarlet at the mention… Read more »
Virgins don’t bother me. Just be upfront n honest if you feel it is going to the bedroom, and pick a decent partner. My first time was at 24, she was a virgin too at 18, it was hella awkward but we managed. Some people like virgins though as an honor to “train” them up for good sex, like discovering something magical with them and helping them learn it.
I don’t care if a guy cares about these things. I’m extremely comfortable in my own skin, even being a little overweight and if a guy doesn’t like that about me, screw him. His loss. That just means he wasn’t the right guy. I’m not going to lose sleep over it.
Meanwhile the entire premise of this website is how men can fix themselves so that women, such as yourself, might find them worthy.
This man agrees with all of these. I don’t give a damn about any of that stuff. If a guy does care about that stuff he’s got issues to work out.
Forgot one:
We absolutely do not care if you fart around us.
Thanks for lightening the mood and the bit of truth. I am human and I fart. I’m a slightly above average looking, slightly heavy woman who has just hit forty with two kids and a failing 18 year marriage. He’s a good man but through my addiction and recovery and his own addiction, the damage is all but repairable. I have learned through the marriage that any man worth the effort doesn’t care about the things in the article. I do know my worth, he’s taught me that. And it does not lie within the this man who loves me… Read more »
As far as how a woman looks or her weight. I think we’re talking about 2 different points in a man’s life. When you’re young, single, and looking for a relationship, of course physical appearance is important. Honestly, it’s the supreme reason we men enter relationships. The longer we’re with you, though, and the fonder we feel toward you, the less those things matter. My wife isn’t 20 anymore. After 18 years of marriage and 3 kids, bodies change. She’s got a few extra pounds now. But when I wake up in the morning, I still catch my breath sometimes,… Read more »
Your wife is a very lucky lady Jason… And you are a very lucky man 🙂
Jason Hughes do you mind if I maybe post your comment on Facebook for my friends. I know a lot of women who could probably use this.
This is a pretty good list. I have one issue with it. I would care if you slept with me on the first date, or the first time we met. I would wonder how many men you have done that with. I would love to see a survey from couples to find out how many got married and lived happily ever after when they slept together on their first meeting.
And what would change if she had slept with some other guys before you (on the first date or not)? You are also doing the same.
Travis, I’d like to see that survey too! I slept with a man on the first date and we’ve been married for 18 years. He’s asked about previous partners and I told him the truth. Maybe it’s maturity thing but it was never an issue between us, from teens to our fortieth birthdays. He has always been a mature and secure partner.
lol, I love the implication on most of these that because men don’t care about that thing, then women have no reason to worry/care about it. Ever think maybe they care about those things for something other than being worried what men thing?…
The thing is men often get blamed for women worrying about those things, hell look at Erin’s posts on the subject.
Men play a big role. If women’s appearances weren’t considered the most important thing they have (and society says so because of gender roles – women have to play that role to please men) and women’s bodies weren’t so much objectified that would be very different.
Most women react to what men think about them.
Those aren’t things I personally care about, but if you’re trying to give women the truth, don’t mislead them. Some of those ARE things many guys care about. Sorry. Truth.
Thanks for your honesty, Anthony! You are exactly right.
I think Anthony is telling the truth too..
I think these are all things a GOOD man won’t care about. I’ve had ex’s who hated when I swore (which was rare anyway) and who told me they would break up with me is I ever got fat. No man hating here, I know women can be just a shallow, I’m just very happy I learnt my lesson with these ones.
Clone yourself. Very few of you exist in real life.
Gray, could you describe the qualities Katerina has that you believe most women don’t? Do your beliefs extend to men as well? Believing most men don’t posses certain good qualities themselves?
agreed, nice to see another woman share my opinion as well. I think certain people here are not just comparing life experiences (which there is nothing wrong with), but are using their life experiences to create a rule to apply to all men, and all women. I also feel this article is what *good men* don’t care about AS MUCH as many women obsess (it’s OK to care about how you look, just don’t take it to the extreme when guys tend not to care as much as you – you being a general term to women, not specific to… Read more »
“I also feel this article is what *good men* don’t care about AS MUCH as many women obsess (it’s OK to care about how you look, just don’t take it to the extreme when guys tend not to care as much as you – you being a general term to women, not specific to anyone here) ” Emily, I have to be honest, your response bothered me a lot. I think because it highlights an impossible position we are still putting women into. We blame women when they don’t look hot and we blame women when they worry about being… Read more »
Maxim, porn, etc are fantasy. They have no basis on how men look at and relate to women in real life any more than 50 Shades of Gray has any basis in how women look at men. Yes, men do place value of physical appearance, but you’d be surprised at how large and encompassing the category of “hot” is. It’s not having perfect hair and make up or dropping those few extra pounds. It is the confidence to be yourself. Physical attraction may be the initial draw, but for me about 80% of the women I meet (maybe more) I… Read more »
100% bs. All of those things affect how we related to women. As someone who is a huge fan of, and would love to defend porn, I can’t lie that the effect it’s had on how men relate to women romantically/sexually is there, and pretty obvious. For some people maybe there’sno affect, and for others the effect is different based on the couple, but it has pretty clearly had an effect. Just as all the magazines and media influence has had for decates before and continues to have. You’d have to be blind or in denial not to recognize that…… Read more »
Good call.. Jones. I think you’re right.
Yes, a fantasy about women’s bodies and what are the most attractive ones, mostly. And the most attractive ones are usually very similar – super slim body, silicon breasts, round asses, totally waxed bodies. They are usually also presented wearing heavy, perfect make-up, nails and hair as well. You can’t tell us that is not what most men want – that is what most men stare at and masturbate to, that is what men ask for.
The media we consume totally relates to our reality and real life. It is based on it and affects it in retun.
And once again here’s erin to femsplain all over a fucking post to tell men what we really think.
Jeez. I read all of your responses and as much as they were well thought out, I find you highly aggravating and annoying.
Had to speak my mind on that.
I completely agree with you Erin and i Dont have the faintest clue why anyone is even bothering to try and dispute any of THIS. ..its frigging real. Try being a woman for the tiniest moment then tell us that its all in our heads…what a gd farce
Yeah that’s happening… and guys are getting mixed messages too. They’re told not to objectify women and at the same time they have 24 hours access to real live hot women who are volunteering to masturbate and let us watch. We get programmed to believe that women’s bodies are available and accessible for playtime only 24/7. it transfers to our real world. It’s mixed messages and we have a hard time deciding what is right and when. Do they want to be objectified or don’t they? Some do and some don’t. Sometimes and not other times…
I believe that this article is meant for the woman who already captured the man’s fancy in the first place. I mean if a guy’s already in love with you, he won’t really care about the aforementioned details anymore. He already thinks you’re adorable so enough with the fussing and enjoy just being with him – it’s one of the best things in the world, honestly.
I disagree about the timing of sex, having sex on a first date communicates that this is probably a fling. That’s not to say that you need to wait a certain number of dates beyond that, but I don’t think most men that have sex on the first date are planning on having a serious relationship.
I’m sure it happens, but I doubt that’s the status quo.
I would put #2 a different way. More specifically:
We don’t care about the size of your butt or thighs as much as you think we do. If you think your butt is “too big,” there’s an excellent chance we do NOT think that way.
Put another way: we care about the size of your butt as little as you care about the size of our penises. It’s the same kind of misplaced obsession, worrying about something that the other gender cares about far less than you might think.
I saw the title of this and was interested in finding out the 10 things I don’t care about. Your intentions may have been good, but this is pandering to women and not true of many men. Maybe a better title would be “10 things men should learn to care less about”. We should always be wary of anyone that tries to speak for “all” men or women. Get to know the individual if you want to know what they care about, and more important, get to know yourself and what you care about.
Ha! Great comeback Micheal.