10 Things to Talk About on Your First Dates

“First date nervousness is a real thing, Gohar. Trust me. I am 26 years old and I still jump to Google for help — especially, when the conversation goes dry.”

At first I thought she was joking, but a little more discussion made it clear.

My girlfriend had made an excellent point. First dates can be scary and they can be pretty messy, as well. It can be difficult to come up with interesting topics that make the date a positive and memorable experience.

In all honesty, it happens more often than we would like to admit. It does not have to go so terribly though — especially, if you are better prepared.

Whether you are a seasoned expert or new to the dating game, the tips in this article will help you get an idea of how to start a conversation with your partner and make your first date memorable and exciting.

First impressions count a lot so if you are on the lookout for your better half, use these seven tips to perfect your A-game, first.

Photocredit : iStockPhoto.com

1. Break the ice with a confession

So, you meet up and there is that cute nervousness. Yeah, we have all felt that.

It is cute to let that feeling linger for a while, but don’t let it go on for too long. The journey from cute to awkward can go by real quick, and it is important to break the ice with interesting conversation.

While this can be done with the suggestion of a game/activity, I suggest a more direct and honest approach. Start with a confession instead.

Confess how you feel and tell them if you are nervous. Since it is your first meeting, it is totally okay to do so. By confiding in your partner, you encourage them to feel honest and comfortable in your presence.

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These confessions will set a relaxed mood for the rest of the date and it might even make for a great story — in the future. Mention how excited you are to see them and how you were looking forward to getting together for the date.

Nervousness aside, you have to make sure the romantic spark persists.

2. Compliment your date

If you are on a date with this person and you are making an effort to have a great date, there must be some things you like about them. It is a great idea to be honest and complimentary of the traits you find attractive in your partner.

Compliments boost the mood on any day but there are especially important on dates. Don’t play around the bush too long.

As much as I love courting, it is just not the Victorian era any longer. It is time to be more clear and direct. Your partner will appreciate your confidence and it helps to make the mood more romantic and playful.

This does not mean that you go overboard with the compliments. Try to be subtle still. You might think they have charming manners or kind eyes and it is excellent to make such compliments.

A first date is rarely the right place to make compliments that are sexual in nature.

Focus on showing your date that you care and you want to be present in the date because it is time spent with them. If compliments do not fit the conversation easily, it is best to include them using a date activity, which is the 9th topic on the list.

Try to feel special on your special day and make sure your date feels special to you, as well.

3. Discuss career goals

As independent adults looking to grow in life, it is absolutely essential to have an idea of what your future partner’s career goals are like. It is important to have an idea of what your partner’s professional values and ambitions are and how they plan to grow in the coming years.

You can start by discussing what their average workday is like and if they enjoy their work. I like asking timeline questions.

Here is a few you can try on your own first date:

a. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

b. Have you always wanted to be in this industry?

c. What is your dream goal for your career in the next 5 years?

It is important to make sure you don’t sound like an interviewer. Plug the questions into the conversation without making your date feel uncomfortable. The last thing you want is for your date to feel like they are in an interrogation.

4. Discuss your ideal day

Learning a person’s daily routine is like reading their palm, only a lot more effective.

Ask your date what their daily routine is like and how they spend their mornings. It is best to start this topic by discussing how you start your day. Remember that it is important for your date to feel comfortable discussing so much on a first date and it is sometimes better to wait till you are in for a few dates, before you ask more personal questions.

Nevertheless, this is an excellent discussion topic. It makes for an enriching and fun experience and you might be able to learn something productive or fun from each other’s routines.

Go beyond the morning routines, and ask each other about the most important parts of your day. Talk about the things that you look forward to and the things that make you feel alive.

Discuss your working days and what your favorite weekend activities look like. This leads to improved ideas for future dates. If they enjoy watching movies, suggest a movie night. If they are into walking or the nature, you can go on a picnic together!

When you make an effort to get to know your date, don’t feel scared. Interest, attention and care are the three-ingredients for lasting romance.

5. Talk about your hobbies and interests

A lot of what defines a person comes from their different interests and hobbies — especially, the things they pursue outside of academic and career requirements.

This topic is sure to get your date excited and you might learn many new things about each other, as you unravel your personal interests. You can also ask them to show you something they have learned to do with their hobby/interest.

It could be a song they like practicing on, or a magic trick they have learned. One of my ex-girlfriends was an expert at rolling pencils and sticks between her fingers. She was a complete pro and I was in awe of her skills. I would often encourage her to try her skills and even tried to learn the trick — albeit, without much success.

By encouraging your date to make a small demonstration of their skill to you, you make them feel appreciated and it is always nice to be noticed and encouraged for personal interests.

6. Have the travel discussion

If you are anything of a travel junkie like me and you meet another one just like yourself, it can be difficult to avoid these questions.

What does your ideal trip look like? Do you have a dream destination?

Travelling as a couple, whether it is a long walk or a trip abroad, will be one of the most soulful memories of your time together. The first date, however, is not about your first trip abroad.

It is about finding out your partner’s travel preferences before you start drawing up the mind maps and dreams of where you two might end up!

If it turns out your date is not that much into travelling, change the topic to something slightly more serious. You can try discussing career goals or even suggest a date activity.

Don’t stress about carrying a topic that your partner is not equally interested in.

7. Find out what life means to your date

So, you have finally gotten comfortable and are done stealing little glances at each other. Great!

Now, it is time to go a little deeper. You have to understand this person who could potentially go on to be a big part of your life. The only question is how you can go about doing this.

There are multiple activities and questions to get to know a person better. But this section is for my favorite question.

What is their philosophy in life?

This can open up a healthy debate where you get to know your date’s personality. By adding in the conversation and sharing your own philosophy about life, you can combine similar elements and understand how your personal philosophies align.

Don’t worry about the topic been too deep. If it is the kind of question you feel comfortable discussing, go for it. It shows that you have depth, character and personality — three extremely important traits in the ideal partner.

8. Talk about your childhood experiences

If you are like me, you have tons of fun memories about your childhood experiences. It is a pity how we don’t discuss these beautiful moments more often.

Use your first date to change this. Ask them about the most fun they had as a child and the hometown they grew up in. This is possibly the most sensitive and interesting question for a first date.

If you are from different cultures or different towns, talk about the games, foods, hobbies that you enjoyed as a child. This is the perfect time to tell that one childhood story we always tell which never gets old.

These discussions will help you to celebrate and discuss your individuality and differences, as a couple.

9. Try a fun date activity

Okay, now it is time for the magic trick of the guide and a personal favorite. Trust me when I tell you — it works like a charm!

Sometimes, you are going to be too nervous to plug in topics and if you keep trying and the ice just doesn’t break fast enough, it could make the date a landmine of awkward silences.

Fortunately, there is a perfect fix for a situation like this- — date activities.

While there are multiple date activities to choose from, both for seasoned couples and new ones, my personal favorite is — the question game.

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The question game is a very simple game with just two rules that you have to remember:

1. Each partner must ask one question per round.

2. The questions must always be interesting.

While this game might seem relatively simple on first glance, its real charm lies in its simplicity.

Think of it this way- it is not complicated to explain on a first date and the rules allow anything and everything. This makes it the perfect place to plug in the questions that might not fit in a basic conversation.

If you feel like trying something riskier, truth and dare never goes out of fashion!

10. Discuss the relationship deal-breakers

Last but not least, it is important to discuss what is not okay.

The timing of this discussion will vary from couple to couple and individual to individual. Personally, I suggest waiting till you have advanced to at least the 3rd date before you break the ice on this one.

Whenever you choose to do it, understand that this is a discussion that you need to have if you are thinking of having a future together. It is important that you make your date feel that they can discuss their opinions with you, without any fear of judgment.

Likewise, you must be clear and specific on what you want and what you will NOT tolerate.

Healthy relationships start with healthy communication. Add your touch of honesty as soon as you possibly can.

CONCLUSION

Photocredit : iStockPhoto.com

First dates can be scary. Let’s establish that opinion for a fact and put it away.

However, this fact should never come in the way of you having fun on your dates. Dating, at all is stages, is about becoming a new person and enjoying the experience of life.

Be more confident of the beautiful person you are and learn about the person you are dating.

That’s the beauty of the journey of life- understanding yourself and the people you love.

So, it doesn’t matter how scared you are. Whatever your reasons are for the jitters, remember this — it is just a date not the end of the world.

So folks, try to have a great time, a ton of fun and wink, if you can!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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