10 Ways I’ve Instantly Changed When Becoming a New Parent

Before we chose to become parents, I’d hear all the pitches from other parents on how great it is. Almost as if not being one was a net negative thing.

Though most of it would roll off my back, as none of it sounded better than the freedom of the “Dual Income, No Kids” lifestyle.

One of the things that got me in the end (not from a pitch) was whether I wanted to contribute to society in the most meaningful and selfless way. To sacrifice my time, energy, and disposable income to help set up the next generation for success.

Here are some shifts in my thinking and behaviour since making that decision.

Benevolent Emotions

I’m no stranger to benevolence, though most of it was logical or rational. You don’t have to feel personally connected or touched to want to do the right thing or to make charitable contributions.

I’m not afraid to admit that I wept a few tears of joy when I witnessed my daughter enter this world. And now, any time I think of the things I want for her future, it makes me well up a bit.

Of course, I’ve always wanted the best for my adult partner and to support her into the future, but the emotions are more intense for my helpless little child.

Priorities

I’ve been a career-driven person for the last 20+ years. Now, I’m on parental leave, and my daily purpose is to do my part to meet my daughter’s needs.

I’m losing mid five figures of salary and savings to have this head start, but time is the most valuable thing I can buy.

When I eventually get back to work, I doubt that I’d keep my bad habit of overworking. I want my little girl to have the best shot at a good and meaningful life. And that starts with building a healthy bond.

Our Diet

Restaurants went from being the norm to a well-deserved treat. Due to both logistical challenges and budget constraints, I’ve been cooking 7 days a week.

Along with more reasonable portions under my control, I also control the ingredients and cooking methods. This helps our long-term health for raising a child in our forties and beyond.

Exercise

You’d think that you can find the free time to exercise, especially while on parental leave from work.

The thing is, when you aren’t getting good sleep, intense exercise is the furthest thing from your mind.

I may walk a few kilometres each day with my daughter in the stroller, but I can’t wait until she’s big enough to go on epic bike rides with Dada.

Mornings

Outside of Saturday cartoons when I was like 8, I’ve always loathed mornings. My mind is most alive during the evenings and nights.

Yeah, that doesn’t matter anymore. My mornings now belong to my little girl. When I start the day, half-awake, these mornings are full of precious bonding moments with her.

Gross Out Factor

If you asked the old me, handling fecal matter on a routine basis is the last thing I’d want to sign up for.

The truth is that while gross, it becomes just as ordinary as washing your hands. Except that it’s funny sometimes.

Don’t like poop jokes? You will.

On Cuteness

The old me wasn’t all too caught up in cutesy stuff.

Now, there’s a miniature version of me and my partner flailing around, trying to figure out what everything is. When she looks up at me with that toothless smile, my heart melts, every time.

I find myself buying anything that adds to her cutie pie charm.

On Mortality

As a long-time cyclist, the health benefits outweigh the chances of me becoming roadkill. I also try not to make stupid decisions out on the road.

When I think about mortality now, I want to live to see my daughter grow up and become the person she was meant to be. That is the best thing I can do with the rest of my life.

And if I can’t have that, at the very least I want to live long enough that she’d have some fond memories of me.

On Legacy

I’ve always wanted to leave a mark through my career. If it’s not in developing software that has helped or joyed its users, then at least I’ve helped my colleagues in a meaningful and memorable way.

And with writing, it was kind of the same. If one person finds an essay of mine profoundly useful, then it was 💯 worth writing.

Maybe this is how one copes with entering middle age, childless. Wanting their existence to echo and ripple into the future after they’re gone.

Now, I have a daughter. How I’m remembered by her and by her mother is what matters more now. All the other stuff is a bonus.

⚠️ Sensitive Topic Ahead ⚠️

Last Chance to Stop Scrolling

On Suicidal Ideation

I’m no stranger to these thoughts; they’ve been regular occupants of my mind for decades.

Now, there’s no way I’d willingly leave my child without her father. In this world, especially. And when you’re living in the present for your child, there’s simply no time to waste on thinking about giving up.

That doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t still want to kill my ego. The ego can die a thousand times, and you’d still have a thousand chances to change who you want to be.

If you’re struggling and you’re still not inspired to keep looking ahead, please reach out to someone.

Closing Thoughts

Being a parent can replace many aspects of my life with different things. Yet, the core of who I am, even parts long forgotten, are still there.

Have I changed, or am I stepping up to become the better version of myself that was always there?