He treats your relationship like a team effort.
By Frank Kobola
1. He always asks for your opinion. He actively seeks out your advice whether he’s applying to a job in a different department at work or having a fight with a friend. He might not always take your advice, but your insight is imortant to him.
2. He doesn’t try to micromanage your life. He trusts you to do your own thing. He’s never on you about doing your taxes or getting to work on time. He trusts you to handle your responsibilities. Basically, he’s not a backseat driver, but for life.
3. He doesn’t get jealous when you go out without him. He’s not constantly checking your phone messages. He’s not worried you’ll meet someone else when you go out. He’s confident in your relationship and, more importantly, he trusts you and respects the time you spend away.
4. He opens up to you, even when he’s not sure you’ll like the answer. He shares his insecurities and his past with you even if he thinks you might disapprove. He doesn’t hide any aspect of himself from you, because he knows you’ll understand.
5. He takes your side. Sometimes blindly, but he trusts the decisions you’ve made and he’ll side with you in an argument. He’s only hearing your side of the story, but he knows it’s the right one.
6. He doesn’t jerk you around. He’s not booty-calling you or canceling plans last-minute. He doesn’t ditch you to hang out with friends or disrespect your time. If he does have to cancel on you, he’s apologetic and it rarely happens. He doesn’t ghost on you.
7. He encourages you to take risks. He wants to see you succeed, and he believes in you even when if you want to try a job in a new field. He’s not worried about you taking risks because he knows you can handle yourself, even if you fail.
8. He doesn’t second-guess you. He knows you’ve got a good sense of the world around you and he doesn’t try to change your mind. He knows the decisions you make are the best for you.
9. He doesn’t lie to you. He doesn’t feel the need to hide anything from you. He shares everything with you, even the embarrassing stuff, like being broke or getting embarrassingly drunk. He even tells you when an ex texted him. There are no secrets.
10. He’s OK with disagreeing. Even if you don’t see eye-to-eye on things like politics, he doesn’t try to sway you or put down your opinion. He respects that you have your own viewpoint, even if it’s not the same as his.
11. You actually go out on dates. “Quality time” isn’t just hooking up or watching TV. Early on in the relationship especially, he’s making an effort.
12. He’s upfront about where your relationship is going. He doesn’t tell you now isn’t a good time to get serious. He doesn’t skirt the issue of marriage or kids. It doesn’t matter how he answers it; he lets you know exactly what he wants out of your relationship.
What’s Next? Talk with others. Take action.
We are proud of our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS—WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to discuss, gain insights, build communities— and help solve some of the most difficult challenges the world has today. Calls are for Members Only (although you can join the first call for free). Not yet a member of The Good Men Project? Join now!
Join The Good Men Project Community
All levels get to view The Good Men Project site AD_FREE. The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many groups and classes as you want for the entire year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission, and have a great ad-free viewing experience.
Register New Account
Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request new password if needed).
ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. MEMBER commenting badge.
ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time. This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
“Here’s the thing about The Good Men Project. We are trying to create big, sweeping, societal changes—–overturn stereotypes, eliminate racism, sexism, homophobia, be a positive force for good for things like education reform and the environment. And we’re also giving individuals the tools they need to make individual change—-with their own relationships, with the way they parent, with their ability to be more conscious, more mindful, and more insightful. For some people, that could get overwhelming. But for those of us here at The Good Men Project, it is not overwhelming. It is simply something we do—–every day. We do it with teamwork, with compassion, with an understanding of systems and how they work, and with shared insights from a diversity of viewpoints.” —– Lisa Hickey, Publisher of The Good Men Project and CEO of Good Men Media Inc.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan. For more like this from Cosmo, try: