My dad is a role model for confidence. He encourages me to go after what I want and assures me that I’ll be fine.
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When I was 23 I ran around Europe for an entire summer. I went to Pamplona to see The Running of the Bulls. The event is more than watching big animals come dangerously close to trampling risky, drunk people, it’s a huge party of people wearing white and red squirting sangria not only into their mouths, but everywhere.
The event was so full that we stayed in San Sebastian, and took a bus through the mountains to get there. When nighttime came, there still wasn’t any accommodation but we had to stay because the bulls ran very early in the morning. My friend and I had no choice but to catch a couple Z’s on a green area near a park bench. I
was so excited to tell my dad about sleeping in a park in a small Spanish town because that’s the kind of stuff that makes him proud.
Below are 13 crucial lessons I learned from my dad:
1.) Go, do it.
My dad isn’t the cautionary kind of guy, which I appreciate. I much rather someone encourage me to explore and be bold, rather than be careful. Sure, he wants me to be safe, but he rather I live my life with passion than fear. When I travel he tells me to wander down side streets, chat up locals, and pick up and move on whenever I want.
2.) Break the rules.
Society pressures us to go to school, get a job, and settle down. Although my dad always valued education, work, and family, he never wants them to stand in the way of adventure and autonomy. The only time my dad was more proud of me for sleeping in a park in Pamplona was when I called him and told him I’m quitting my teaching job and moving to the Caribbean. My dad’s a rule breaker in a pretty inspiring way.
3.) Talk to strangers.
Clearly, my dad is all about the unconventional fatherly advice. This piece is one of my favorites, and one he certainly follows himself. He always engages whoever crosses his path, even if it’s for one moment while crossing a road or seven minutes while the cashier scans his groceries. He taught me to be friendly to everyone, even those who look grumpy. Ask people how their day is, where they’re from, and what they like to do. Oh yeah, and always, always, always hold the door for other people. (It’s not only kind, but an opportunity to talk to more strangers.) If you’re friendly, the world is friendly.
4.) Don’t care what people think of you.
When I was 8, I was jogging with my dad in the Las Vegas heat. I was hot and complaining so my dad told me to take my shirt off. My chest was like that of a small child, but still I felt self-conscious. I told him I couldn’t take my shirt off because people would see. He responded with a phrase he ingrained in us, “Who the F cares?”
5.) Ask for deals.
I was embarrassed one time when we went into store looking to buy a TV and my dad asked the man helping us if that was the best deal he could give him. I was like, “Daaaadddddddd, yes. It’s what the tag says. Leave the guy alone.” But really, you’d be surprised what can happen when you ask. Recently I rang up my internet provider and threatened to cancel service if they couldn’t lower my monthly cost. My dad beeped in and although I thought I ignored the call, I actually picked it up. I said, “What’s the best deal you can give me per month? I’m not happy with what I’m paying now.” My dad met my words with laughter and pride. Now he knows I’m a haggler like he is.
6.) Laugh at yourself (or at least at the expense of others).
I can’t tell you how many times my dad has laughed at me. Once when I was five, I wore a bra to the doctor’s office. He saw me quickly take it off and sit on it so the doctor wouldn’t discover it. He eventually did though, and my dad laughed like the hyenas in Lion King. I was mortified, but have really learned through the years to take myself less seriously.
7.) Pay attention to detail in your dining experience.
Presentation is important. Don’t make a nice meal then put it on a paper plate. You must set the mood and the table. Bust out the cloth napkins with the ring holders and light a few candles once in a while. Pair your meal with a nice bottle of wine, and sit and chat for a long time. Don’t rush to finish your meal- hang out and enjoy your company. And don’t you dare clear Dad’s plate, even if it’s empty. He wants it there to signify that no one is excused from the table yet.
8.) Exercise.
My dad runs all the time, sometimes as much as 10 miles a day. I used to run with him but I hate it because he is so much faster than me, and way more competitive. When we run around the river at the park, he will have to pass everyone in front of him while I try to convince my legs to just keep going. He runs not only to stay physically fit, but because he’s a big believer in the mental benefits of exercise. While I’m gasping for breath and dreaming of peanut butter and jelly, he’ll lie down and do a couple hundred crunches. SMH.
9.) Focus on the next step ahead.
When my dad runs, he keeps his head down. When he looks too far ahead, the distance is daunting, but when looking at just the next step, it’s more manageable. It applies to life, just watch out for cars, trees, and small children.
10.) Carry light.
My dad has always been into traveling and moving. In order to get up and go, you must not have too much stuff. Be a minimalist. Have just what you need. It’s really freeing, actually.
11.) Help yourself to the little things in life.
Like you know, those bins in grocery stores that contain small candies, nuts, and pretzels. Don’t be a sucker by putting some in a bag and paying for them. Put some in your fist and eat them while you shop. You wouldn’t want to disappoint your father…
12.) Have fun.
Dance, sing, and be silly. Whenever I hear Hall & Oats, Chicago, or the Beatles, I picture my dad dancing around the kitchen with a huge grin or singing loudly in the car while quizzing us on who the song is by.
13.) Aging is optional.
My dad is 69, but he’s the kind of person you can never pin an age to. A couple years ago he worked in Philly, and ran after buses like a 20 year old. He travels like an Australian on a gap year and has lived in three countries in the past year. He’s more playful than a Labrador puppy, and always tickles just a little too hard. He’s a limit pusher and that’s what I love about him. My dad is young always because he chooses to be, and I’m happy about this because I still have a lot to learn from him, or at least someone to enjoy these lessons with.
My dad is a role model for confidence. He encourages me to go after what I want and assures me that I’ll be fine. Risks aren’t scary- they’re necessary for success. Whenever I find myself being bold, and asking the questions most people are too embarrassed to, I think of him. For instance, “Are their any complimentary upgrades available?” If I take his advice and ask it often enough, I might just find myself in a last minute first class seat. Hopefully my kids won’t be around to get embarrassed or kill my vibe.
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