Sure the quality of the time you spend together matters, but this might be even more important.
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Chris Rock is my favorite comedian. So much of his stand-up routines are filled with relationship advice relatable for men in their prime years. He has a classic bit where’s he talking about how guys don’t talk enough and how women talk too much. And the way he ends it still cracks me up when I see it on TV.
Many couples now both work outside of the home. And if you’re raising children, you can forget about stealing a few moments together. Which is why it’s crucial to give each other a little bit of time alone when you come home from a long day.
Couples need to prioritize individual time for the health of their marriage and to boost emotional intimacy.
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I’m an introvert so I appreciate quiet time. I work in a field with a lot of males who are Alpha extroverts. Some days, it’s exhausting. Coming home, especially because I live by myself, feels like a beautiful retreat. My process for decompressing happens over a series of hours because I’m not in a rush. Nothing needs my immediate attention. I’m enjoying it as much as I can because I know I’ll need to prepare for the adjustments that come with married with kids life.
Couples need to prioritize individual time for the health of their marriage and to boost emotional intimacy.
Recently, an article on Harvard Business Review asserted that the first 15 minutes after a couples’ work day will dictate their propensity to fight or not. Their overall mood in that short span of time sets the tone for how the rest of the evening will go. The author states:
When that initial personal encounter at the end of the workday goes well, it can help both parties feel a sense of care and appreciation that helps them unwind and feel better prepared for the following day. And yet it so often goes badly, creating frustration and a sense of disappointment that can poison the rest of the evening.
He posits that how we greet each other in those 15 minutes is a big deal. But to take it a step further, how we address our need for alone time is just as valuable to the home environment too.
In that time, you are able to calm your mind from the stressors of the day.
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It doesn’t matter if both parents work outside the home or if one stays home, couples need to make a conscientious effort to set aside 15 minutes from one another every day. In that time, you are able to calm your mind from the stressors of the day. Whatever didn’t get done, this is your chance to stop worrying about it and let it go. You can also focus the time on identifying what your needs are in order to be present for the remainder of the evening.
It’s possible to do a few things throughout the day that’ll help this encounter go smoothly before you leave work.
Find out how your partner’s day is going: The cornerstone of Chris Rock’s joke is that asking a woman “how is your day?” will always lead to a dramatic screenplay. Not every woman is that way but in general, women can be expressive about their feelings. By flipping a basic question into addressing the tone of her day will help you get a better feel for her actual mood.
Know how you’re going to use your recovery time: When I get home, because my days are long, I give myself at least an hour of solitude. Sometimes that includes watching an episode of a show I’m binge-watching. Sometimes it’s taking a longer than normal shower. Now that it’s getting warmer, I’ll play with my dog outside. Having time away from your partner will be fruitless if you don’t spend it doing something that’s going to help you unwind.
When fights happen in that first hour of being home, you’re not really mad at each other.
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When fights happen in that first hour of being home, you’re not really mad at each other. You just haven’t had a cool down period from what upset you beyond those walls. When you greet each other favorably upon getting home, taking some time away from each other right after benefits you as a couple and will eases the tension for the family as a unit.
Also by James Woodruff
How Therapy Made Me a Better Man | 3 Steps to Rebuilding Trust After One Partner Cheats |
5 Ways You Sabotage Your Relationships Without Even Realizing It |
A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
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Photo: Pixabay