Build on pieces of happy every day. And before you know it, you’ll have a happy life and a happy wife.
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The more I study people, the more I learn there are easy things you can do to avoid an unhappy marriage. Every time I learn one of those things, I am filled with glee and want to share.
I am especially excited to share with those hubbies who really *want* to do good and be good, but don’t know where to start.
I believe it all starts with a little happy. We build on little pieces of happy every day and before you know it, you’ve got a happy wife and a happy life.
We know things happen. Ups and downs. 401ks and soccer games. Mortgages, audits, deadlines, jobs, kids, dogs, leaky pipes and loud music at the worst possible moment.
We have been there. We get it. We just believe happy is possible and you can have some and we can share what we have learned from our own bowl of happy so you can make more.
I recently asked the wise women of the ModernMarried Facebook page to finish the phrase: I love it when the hubby…
Because happy comes in all shapes and sizes and I was thinking maybe some of their happy could spill over into yours and mine and we could all have more.
So without further ado, if you ever wondered, what happy husbands do to keep their marriages strong and their wives smiling here you go….
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19 things any husband can do to make his wife happier….
- Let her sleep in, make breakfast, round up the kids on any random Sunday
- Hold her hand in public
- Surprise her with a full load of laundry (washed, folded and scented – yes, that little paper you put in the dryer makes us Gleam with Joy!)
- Make her laugh. (this works almost any time. Except during dinner with inlaws or bosses, where it would be a bad idea, but you knew that right?)
- Kiss her in the morning. (and at night, or just randomly in the supermarket. We like kisses!)
- Fix things. (fix anything and we think you could rule the world. Seriously, when The Hubs replaces a light bulb, I just want to kiss him)
- Text her. (in the middle of the work day. Just because.)
- Share your day with her – the exciting stuff and the mundane stuff. We love to hear your stories.
- Leave a love note. (anytime, anywhere. It can be on a post it. Total Swoonville)
- Wash her hair. (5 different wives mentioned this. Not my thing, but you could try it. Any variation on this might be good too such as “rub her feet, massage her back.”
- Random Hug. (Just like kisses. Very rarely is this a bad idea. Except if we just got our make-up professionally done and our hair sprayed. Then choose option 2 and just hold our hand.)
- Cook. (In my house making sandwiches counts as cooking. There is never a moment we don’t like cooking. Because we love eating. See?)
- Run a bath. Add Bubbles. (We might wonder who you are and what you did with our husband, but we will be smiling all night long)
- Help us through bad days – using any of the above and just some words of encouragement. We love it when you are our Champions. Our encouragers and supporters.
- Listen. Just listen.
- Bring home a random gift from the grocery story. (If you see it and you think, “Oh, my wife would like that.” It’s that one. Don’t overthink this. You can make a woman very happy with a Snickers and a Soap Opera Digest.)
- Don’t blame us when something goes wrong. (You probably don’t like it when we do it to you right? Declare your relationship a no-negativity zone and replace blame with a request for a new behavior or a different option. This one is really just good for everybody.)
- Thank her. For anything. (You know how you feel when she thanks you? Yup. Works every time.)
- Clean up. After supper, before the game, for the kids. Anything that involves the word “clean” and is followed by “so you don’t have to do it” will totally accumulate brownie bonus points of happy.
There you have it. The simple things that make us smile and make you look like heroes in our eyes. Notice how very few of these require money, or hours of planning or even tons of effort. A lot of these can be done in a few minutes in between the rest of life. Yet the feelings of closeness they inspire can last for days.
Yes, that’s your wife calling her best friend to tell her, “He cleaned! And rubbed my back! And bought me a Snickers!”
And every time she tells the story, she is happy all over again.
If you are a happy husband, please share some of your happy – what does your wife love that other husbands can learn from? Please share in the comments.
Photo Credit: Flickr/ seanmcgrath
Re. #8 “Share your day”.
How do you break a habit of one person doing all of the talking and none of the listening?
Simple but tough, FK. A guy’s gotta say what a guy’s gotta say. With all the love and respect you can muster, simply say, “Sweetheart, I love listening to you talk to me and I’ll do it every day. I want you to do the same for me. I want xx mintues of uninterrupted time to talk to you about stuff on my mind. It’ll mean a lot to me if you just listen to me. I plan to start that today. Make sense?” No asking permission. No complaining. No negativity. No questions. Just stating your value and your intentions.… Read more »
One night my fiance went into a gas station to get change to put air in the tires and broke his bill by buying me an almond joy that I had said I was craving earlier that day. It made me so happy that he remembered something so random. Life is a daily grind. When I come downstairs from changing out of work clothes and the dish washer is running, or that load of laundry is being folded I truly appreciate it. Sorry, but I do carry the load of household chores so it’s nice to take a break from… Read more »
Maggie,
Number 2 and #4 are my favorite. 🙂
-belinda
if you still don’t understand why i don’t like this article, take a look at this blog post – http://modernmarried.com/25-secrets-happy-marriage/ also by Maggie Reyes. This seems to be written for women, and contains, as the title suggests, 25 secrets to a happy marriage, all suggested by women, just like 19 Things Happy Husbands Do. Look at the difference in the suggestions, the one written for women is full of actual things people need, number 1 is ‘Say what you mean and mean what you say’, ‘Not fighting over the small stuff’, ‘trust’, ‘Showing love through thick and thin’, ‘lots of… Read more »
So many stereotypes reinforced that it even makes the assumption that all marriages are between a man and a woman. But at least if you realise that you also realise the equality of effort required in a marriage such as the one I have with my husband.
Please tell me do you not think that marriage is a partnership that has to have two people in it. That these two people need to work together to make their marriage happy. Then if you do agree with the two sentences that I have just written then why would you say that this is things that only the husband needs to do. Do you really believe that stupid saying a happy wife happy wife. If it marriage is a partnership that should be happy husband happy wife makes a happy life. But to me it appears as though you… Read more »
“Negativity free zone?” No wonder you read Soap Opera Digest!
Well then, I think I’ll just keep looking.
There is a book called ‘The Five Love Languages’ and it’s good to hear you know what yours is to feel the love and he knows his to feel the love from you:
1) Gifts Giving
2) Words of Affirmation
3) Physical touch
4) Quality time
5) Acts of service
What if this list was titled…”19 things anyone can do to make their partner happier”? It just seems as if so many of these suggestions work equally well both ways and could be summed up with be thoughtful and act on it.
But Amira it was not written that way. So please stop side stepping that.
I did all of these things. I’m not even kidding.
I still got screamed at, belittled, bitten, scratched, objects thrown at me, never good enough, and so on for the last two years of my last relationship. Oh, and I was always sure to be told all the ways that it was all my fault the entire time.
Forgive my pessimism at the prospect that doing these things again will somehow lead to a woman treating me like a human being in return out of the kindness of her heart.
If every woman you date treats you that way, you might reconsider whether it’s you or them. There are awful women out there, but we do NOT all behave that way.
nice subtle victim blaming there…
To be sure. But this one is universal. If a woman said “now I have the 5th boyfriend in a row who beats me, why are all men violent to me?” she would be bound to get the same reply.
Either you are really doing something wrong (even if unconsciously) or you are just really unlucky. You know, statistics. It can happen. So as long as we don’t know (and from a couple of short internet posts there is no way of knowing) maybe it’s better to reserve judgement.
oh my gosh.
So you’re saying that if someone gets beaten more than once, it’s their fault?
I really can’t imagine someone going onto a feminist website, and making the comment you just made, actually, i’d really like to see it, and just watch the sh_t storm you’d create.
Christopher,
That sounds like hell. I’m sorry you had to go through that. If and when you heal enough to get back into a relationship, please take my advice: You’ve got it backwards. FIRST you find a woman who treats you well out of the kindness of her heart, THEN you do these things for her. Because you want to. Because she’s worth it. Not because you’re trying to earn her love.
Hi Christoffer93
❞”I still got screamed at, belittled, bitten, scratched, objects thrown at me, never good enough, and
so on for the last two years of my last relationship. “❞
It OK to leave Christoffer93. This is not a normal woman you had a relationship with.
One thing I know about women is: they don’t like to tell you what they want. And I’ve come to realize that the reason for this is that if they have to tell you… and then you do it…. it loses its magic. It’s not genuine and sincere coming 100% from you. In the case of this article you are finding out what to do without her knowledge. But it can still lose the magic if she picks up on any signs that (a) it is not something you want to do you are just doing it because you are… Read more »
I get the distinct feeling that few of the people who left negative comments read the entire article, including the introduction part. This was a summary of what Maggie was told by real married women who read her Modern Married blog. She didn’t make this stuff up, people. 🙂 If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t cram it on, ok? And, as another person commented, it’s the spirit of doing thoughtful and meaningful things for your partner that is the point of every item on the list. So many great ideas here. Married people, women or men, would be happier if… Read more »
Real married women. And every one of them was generalising for the whole gender.
You forgot “Make love with her.”
Hey Christie.
Pretty judgemental call, based on few lines.
I’m a stay-at-home dad. In my world, you’d find this absurd article in 1956. I don’t know who should be more offended…..while I’m at home and my wife sits in a boardroom, who should be washing who’s hair?
Props to you for being a stay-at-home parent!
Maybe your wife should shave and shampoo you. It was one of the sexiest scenes of Phenomenon.
These are all wonderful suggestions! Happiness is so rarely viewed the small everyday acts that comprise our lives, and the minutiae of every day living often escapes our notice. To nick and Derek, I’d say that you two are missing the point. Yes there are things that women can do to make their husbands and their marriages happy and yes men know how to do laundry and how to cook, I myself love to cook and am much better at it than my wife; but a very real aspect of a relationship is a selfless seeking of the other’s well-being.… Read more »
Thank you Reid! What you wrote is exactly the spirit the article was written in.
For someone that does not understand men or marriage
Hey Zite baggy you miss the mark with this article by 1,000,000 miles. Really I don’t think that you understand what marriages and I don’t think you understand how a man and woman are supposed to interact with one another because if you did you wouldn’t have wrote happy life happy wife. Marriage is a partnership were two people work together not a man doing all the housework and pampering his wife just so he keeps her happy. It’s a man and woman pampering each other helping each other that is the point that should’ve been brought a crossed in… Read more »
Why do I feel like anyone who protests this well meaning and well written article probably doesn’t do these things for a woman on a regular basis?
no christie, i imagine the people who are getting offended actually do these things and more on a regular basis, and find it insulting that women who want to break down sexist female stereotypes like to enforce sexist male stereotypes.
i’m pretty sure you’d be insulted if a man wrote an article saying things a wife should do for a happy marriage.
1) Make sure the house is clean and tidy before your husband comes home from work.
2) make sure dinner is ready on time, every time.
3) men love sex, give them more sex.
i’m sure i could go on
Nick – maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think Maggie is suggesting that the man simply does what’s been considered the “man’s role” in the marriage. I think she’s suggesting that doing little things makes women happy. Some of these are things that maybe some husbands do on a regular basis, maybe it’s unusual for them. Is she even saying that these are things that the only things or required things? NO. She’s saying she asked a bunch of women what their husbands could or did do to make them happy. I know my husband’s idea of a “subtle… Read more »
read this article and look at the differences – https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/j1b-5-things-your-husband-wishes-you-knew/ – here’s 5 things which every husband i know absolutely wants their wife to know and understand, and not one of them is a tip on how to do a specific task.
Exactly. Ease up. I think this article was spot on. Not the specifics, but I doubt her intention was to assume we all like snickers and soap operas. Come on. But, I know when I’m unhappy at home it’s because I don’t feel cared for and it’s the little things like picking up the clothes on the floor, giving me a hug or kiss, and saying thank you are wonderful little reminders that I’m loved and appreciated. I think there are some people on edge here who don’t seem to like to be told what to do by a woman,… Read more »
Heidi – YES! little reminders – it doesn’t matter what the actual reminders are, they are all expressions of love and appreciation. XO
@Christie: “Why do I feel like anyone who protests this well meaning and well written article probably doesn’t do these things for a woman on a regular basis?” In my case your assumption couldn’t be more wrong. I’m the sole breadwinner, and I still do a majority of the cooking when I can, help with laundry, pick up after myself, dishes, child rearing, etc… AND I still take care of the traditional roles like handy-man, driver, grounds-keeper, mechanic. I feel like I break the traditional mold, and sometimes I do feel under-appreciated, but that is something my wife and I… Read more »
this is a awful, insulting article. number 3 “Surprise her with a full load of laundry (washed, folded and scented – yes, that little paper you put in the dryer makes us Gleam with Joy!)” are we trying to do away with sexist stereotypes? Oh, thanks for the tip about the scent, i wouldn’t have know unless you told me because i’m a man, and i don’t know how to do washing. Can you give me instructions on how to get the clothes into the machine too. number 12 “Cook. (In my house making sandwiches counts as cooking. There is… Read more »
I found it insulting too. “You can make a woman happy with a Snickers and Soap Opera Digest”? Really?
I agree. I love the idea of both partners doing things to make each other happy, but the Snickers and Soap Opera Digest bit made me throw up a little bit.
Oh wow, I think you don’t get enough credit for making thru the day in one piece without a women to help you, Nick! I think the intention here is a good one, but like every article and opinion, it comes from the perspective of the person writing or contributing to it. I’m assuming those items on the list are probably there because who ever came up with them has this chore dynamic in their home. The idea here, and same goes for female partners and wives, is that the little thoughtful things you do are actually really great ways… Read more »
Yes Samantha. Exactly. Thanks!
So sorry you found it insulting. The intention of this article was to show that simple every day things can add a lot of joy to our relationships. And these are real suggestions made by real married women when asked about things they love for their husbands to do. The idea with the Snickers is that for someone a happy surprise might be their favorite candy while for someone else it could be entirely different – it depends on what matters to the person. I once bought my husband a science fiction book he loved, but would be totally meaningless… Read more »
“The intention of this article was to show that simple every day things can add a lot of joy to our relationships.”
then i think you should be writing about that. unfortunately we are both living at a cultural crossroads where many will find good points and many will be insulted by the implication of those points.
to simply limit yourself to ‘listing’ may be the proper way to write online articles or blogs, but it doesn’t really tap into the deeper and more useful paradigm you mention in the quote above.
For what it’s worth, Nick, there really are a lot of men out there who need this info. In my experience the younger generation are better at breaking the stereotypes but typical gender roles are still alive and well in the U.S. I think this article can be tremendously helpful for helping make good men at home. For those who don’t need it, good for them. But for those who do, this is well received.
So, it probably wasn’t until this list that I dearly appreciate all the cute/sweet/nice/wonderful things my husband does for me. Thanks!
Suggestion. Print this out. Add circles and hearts with colored markers around the things he does. Take a sheet of paper and add your own. Lots of hearts and kissy lips. At the bottom, in letters as big as you have room for, write “Thank you.”
Give him the list.
Hi Maggie,
Love your 19 ideas. Here’s a proposal for #20:
Vacuuming is a form of foreplay and has the added benefit of making everyone involved happy.
Just saying.
Haha, like that’s a chore.
By the time I’m married, my wife (perhaps husband?) will have learned to just hand me a vacuum and dusting tools and get out of the way. Drawing 12 amps from the wall, you better believe that thing is a power tool!
If I get brownie points for that, those are the easiest brownie points ever.
Love both of these! XO
No, strictly no. If the idea is that the man has to buy sex buy doing the chores, then that is just that: buying sex.
Cleaning is cleaning and sex is sex, and never the twain shall meet. As often, Randall Munroe said it best: http://xkcd.com/714/
It’s not buying sex. It’s an act of love. “I love you. I love the home we share and have made together. I do this thing to take care of the home we share together, to make it more welcoming for you and for us together.” It makes a woman feel taken care of. See the things above about cooking and cleaning and about letting her sleep in while you get the kids up.
I don’t disagree. But please don’t call it an act of sexual foreplay, because that is extremely insulting to BOTH men and women.
I’ve been seeing a lot of lists on what MEN can do to make women happy. I think our culture insinuates that bad relationships are the man’s fault. Relationships and marriages take two to make them work. How about discussing what spouses can do to show love for each other? Why is the man responsible for creating a happy relationship? I agree that these are good things to do, but showing love goes both ways and it is not just on the woman’s terms.
Hi Derek!
On my facebook page its’ mainly wives having a conversation and we are often talking about what we can do to be better wives. Or how we can celebrate and affirm our husbands. For this article the idea was to share some easy things that make real live women smile.
Totally agree – it goes both ways. Thanks for commenting.
So then why did you not put some of your Facebook page in what you wrote here? Because I don’t see anything uplifting or mail affirming in this article.
You told Derek and your post that everything that was listed here is things that real women and I don’t believe that due to try to confirm uplift and make their husbands better and also things they can do to make themselves better. The one of the things that I don’t think you take into consideration that in today’s society of one of what goes on and Ameridge gets blamed on the man in the first place so for you to write an article like this basically plainsman again for not doing something to make a woman happy. To me… Read more »
I completely agree with the previous poster! It takes two!
1. This is the webpage for the “Good *Men” Project”, so it makes sense for the majority of articles to be written for *men*.
2. Look at the upper righthand side of this page, under “Popular Right Now”. You’ll see an article at the top of the list titled “Why We as Women Need to Ease Up On Men.” It’s an article written by a woman, for women, about things that men need. The article was pretty well received here, but received some pretty negative remarks from women on Facebook. Interesting: https://www.facebook.com/thegoodmenproject/posts/10151986194633919
Consider for one moment how a male author writing an article dealing with how wives can make their husbands happy would be treated on a feminist blog. Just food for thought.