Suzan Ryan shares her point of view about men based on what she’s seen from her job as the Editor of Australian Penthouse. Agree? Disagree? Let us know.
1. The majority of men, when looking at a woman’s body, assess attractiveness or appeal with 80% less judgment than women do. They look to see, and they also just look. (*percentage estimation my own)
2. Most men don’t want a girlfriend with inner thighs as tight as bridge supports.
3. A man won’t notice or care that you’re wearing a couture skirt or carrying a fashionable handbag if you smile with your eyes as he approaches.
4. Ladies: don’t confuse drama with affection; learn to relax.
5. Don’t judge the content of a man’s character solely by the clothes he wears, and don’t get angry if he judges you on the length of your skirt; men determine what you’re looking for in direct proportion to how much skin you’re showing.
6. Women are more unforgiving than men when it comes to judging other women — no matter how dirty or sexist their jokes.
7. When men look at naked women they’re not thinking of you, or comparing your body to hers. Men just enjoy looking at women’s bodies because they are beautiful; not because they want to have sex with them…but a lot of the time they wouldn’t mind.
8. Ladies: shut up about your weight. Seriously. If you’re unhappy with your body, do something about it, don’t project your unhappiness onto your partner; it’s not his problem that you’re unsatisfied with your body, it’s yours.
9. Despite what you may think, strippers are rarely prostitutes; they’re just women who are comfortable in their skin. With strippers, men are free to admire a woman’s body without guilt — plus, strippers flirt without strings, which makes men feel attractive, and we all need our ego stroked occasionally.
10. You have $1500 shoes and men have sport and XBOX; there is yin and there is yang. And plenty of room for both.
11. Accept that your priorities will differ. More importantly, that your way of doing things is not necessarily the “right” way. Be open to compromise. Or split the cost of a cleaner.
12. Don’t call him when he’s out on a boy’s night; he needs time to let loose and to be a man in the company of other men. He’s not cheating on you…so don’t make him want to
13. It’s great to talk, but tell him exactly what you need and why; don’t talk in circles and expect him to read between the lines. Men hate mind-reading games.
14. Don’t employ “the silent treatment” to communicate your anger. He knows you’re more evolved than that (at least he thinks so). Respect your partner (and yourself) by communicating — clearly and with honesty. You’ll both be better for it.
15. Think about what turns you on and let him know what that is.
16. Take care to keep money in its place. Allowing money to become the focus of your relationship — yours, his or ‘ours’ — will crush love. Perspective is king.
17. Sometimes, letting go and being irresponsible (messy, forgetful, unwashed) for a weekend is enough to save a man’s sanity. Allow him some rope to play with.
18. Just one time, ask him what he would change about you, and listen to what he says (as your best friend and confidant, he knows what you need to work on). Be brave enough to embrace that honesty.
19. Be confident in yourself. He loves you, so why not allow that validation and support to be enough? It will make him proud.
20. Try something new together. It might be terrible but it’s a shared experience and these form the glue that keep you together.
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photo: davidorban / flickr
so basically “that they’re sexist piles of trash,” as expected.
seriously #5 is lol. “hey ladies, don’t judge men by how the dress. also, men judge you by how you dress.”
Hi
Good !!
I am a visual woman,and curious about why so many keep this myth alive.
Can. It be men that want to believe it so,and why?
Around 1900 scientist told that women did not have orgasms,only men did. This myth about women not being visual sounds to me a little like the same. Women are not really sexual beings, but madonnas.
I don’t really relate to this list. I’m not sure how seriously I can take advice about how men aren’t judgmental about women’s looks based on magazines that center around the way women look that best please men. There is a very specific type of woman that are in the pages of Penthouse or Playboy or like minded magazines. If men really want women to believe that they are much more open to differences in women’s bodies and less judgmental of women’s bodies, then I would like to see that translate into men’s everyday, real life actions and not just… Read more »
“I also don’t get point number 6. Men can make dirty and sexist jokes but they are the ones that really respect and don’t judge women while women are horrible banshees that are the real judge and jury?” I believe she is saying the women judge more harsher, some men still judge harshly especially when being sexist but when the women do it is far more harsh. She didn’t say men don’t judge. “Most gains women have made is because women fought along side each other for equality, not against one another. I do not like the stereotype that women… Read more »
“I believe she is saying the women judge more harsher, some men still judge harshly especially when being sexist but when the women do it is far more harsh. She didn’t say men don’t judge.” And I didn’t say she said men don’t judge. If you are going to accuse others of using strawman arguments than you must not use them yourself. The idea that women are more harsher judges that men caters to the idea that women are more inherently harsh than men. Which is simply false. There isn’t a man on this board that would like the stereotype… Read more »
As a woman also, I agreed with everything you said until you stated: “men need porn in their life DESPERATELY to be happy.” Men do not and never will need porn to be happy. What they need is true guidance in their childhoods from adults that are open about healthy male sexuality, who will teach our children about HEALTHY sexuality. This is something we have not been getting for several generations now, and it is showing up prevalently in the rates of abuse, violence and porn usage for “sex education”. Men are angry and too ashamed to talk about it… Read more »
“Porn basically rewires a man’s brain to think he can have sex with all the women he sees on his computer screen, and when he masturbates to it enough it forms an addiction that can be detrimental to his sexual and mental health – which effects his self esteem even further. Men are humans. We need to stop treating them like they only think of sex and that is their only concern, and they need to stop perpetuating this degrading stereotype on themselves!” How does utter misinformation like this even pass moderation? Seriously? Extremely bad femsplaining that is wrong. Do… Read more »
Men are angry and too ashamed to talk about it – in many of the same ways women are angry and are vocal about the things we are angry about. This needs to be said. When it comes to sex men are angry and ashamed and despite being told that its okay for us to speak up usually that just means speak up so that they can have their words used against them to pass ill judgement on them. Men are hearing loud and clear that women don’t want to hear us out in hopes of addresses the damaging messages… Read more »
And I must say, my brain had a spasm from reading ALL of the things that are so true for women – the concerns of being compared, the concerns with his “roving eyes” etc and then having you write that men “need” porn to be happy. You completely negated all of the negative effects porn has on normal women by stating that men are “just born that way and need porn” in a roundabout way. My brain nearly shut off.
And men need to stop suppressing the female gaze. Fit and Feminist gets it right. “We hear all the time that “men are visual creatures” and “women are emotional” and “women are attracted to personalities” and “it’s science” and blah blah blah, but I feel comfortable in saying that this is just essentialist garbage that obscures the fact that almost all human beings (who aren’t blind, that is) are visual creatures, regardless of our gender or our sexuality. Most of us like to look at people we find sexually appealing! It’s how we roll, and as long as we don’t… Read more »
If your only answer to ‘it’s science’ is ‘blah blah blah’, then you don’t have one.
Men are more visual than women. That really is science. Google it, if you don’t believe me. And yes, everyone looks at people they find visually stimulating. That proves nothing. The difference comes is in how many people one gender finds visually stimulating as opposed to the other.
The science that men are more visual than women has been debunked many times over. Science Daily presented the following study: “Erotic Images Elicit Strong Response From Brain” “A great deal of past research has suggested that men are more visual creatures than women and get more aroused by erotic images than women. Anokhin says the fact that the women’s brains in this study exhibited such a quick response to erotic pictures suggests that, perhaps for evolutionary reasons, our brains are programmed to preferentially respond to erotic material. “Usually men subjectively rate erotic material much higher than women,” he says.… Read more »
Where did he say he is against it? I think largely he just doesn’t believe it exists to the extent it does for men? Even I question the power of a woman’s gaze vs a man’s. Maybe it’s less about women being less visual, but more that women are visual in a different way? Does porn turn women on as quick or as often as it does for men? By turn on I mean mentally, I realize that studies have shown women got physically aroused to videos of animals having sex but most/all didn’t realize it from what I heard.
The fact you question the existence of the female gaze rather than express curiosity and excitement about it indicates to me that it is something man fear. Your outright dismissal of the scientific proof I provided further shows that many men will stick to the preferred narrative no matter what science says. I call it “patriarchal biology” as in shaming the hell out of female sexuality than turn around and claim man need/like sex more than women. The same thing is happening with the female gaze. The suppression and forced absence of it is now offered as proof that it… Read more »
1st sentence “man” should be “men” Likewise in 3rd sentence.
Last sentence “in” should be “with”, I think.
“The fact you question the existence of the female gaze rather than express curiosity and excitement about it indicates to me that it is something man fear.” You really didn’t read my comment fully did you? I don’t question it’s existance, I KNOW IT EXISTS, I question whether it’s as POWERFUL as a man’s. “Your outright dismissal of the scientific proof I provided further shows that many men will stick to the preferred narrative no matter what science says.” I didn’t dismiss it, you didn’t link to the studies either. I offered an alternate opinion. I am YET to be… Read more »
If I read you correctly you believe the female gaze is not as powerful as that of men but that you’re open to change your mind about that view. The fact that the female gaze is almost unheard of in our culture shows how effective slut shaming is. Also, society pushes the hetero male gaze on everyone. As a result, women are forced to view themselves as the gender that is being looked at. Furthermore, many men like to brag about how much they enjoy looking at women. It’s a meme that’s repeated ad nauseam and which helps to reinforce… Read more »
“Also, why would women get turned on by mainstream porn which disregards the sexual needs of the woman and focuses entirely on what men can do to/with her? I could provide a link to a good article on “Pornography for Women” which explains in great detail what turns women on but I’m not sure if links are accepted by the moderators. ” actually, believe it or not some women do. But beside that, try to post some links, dont worry of the mod’s. If they accept it is all good, if not to bad. Or at least give us some… Read more »
I provided the search keys in my comment. But here it is again.
Google “A Lesser Species Part 1V – Pornography for women”
Reading it now, question. What kind of porn stars do women find attractive? Of the male porn stars I’ve seen, I’d say most are above average attractiveness and usually equal in attractiveness with the woman in mainstream porn with some exceptions usually allowed for lesser attractive men with VERY large penii. I don’t often see an ugly man with a hot woman, but when I do it’s usually very easy to also find an ugly woman with a hot man. Other question is 1 in 3 visitors to porn sites are female, does this include frequency or is it possible… Read more »
“That said, I’m a little disappointed that you still have not asked me to explain what the female gaze is and what you can do to ensure that it takes its rightful place. ” I figured you would have posted the link. Post it but put (NSFW) in the title, it will probably be acceptable as long as people are warned to it’s content but if it’s just a link to porn itself it probably won’t be allowed. I have an idea of the female gaze being similar to men, the enjoyment of seeing a man’s body such as when… Read more »
Yes, women are not some homogenous group as advertisers would have us believe. Women’s sexual tastes vary as do those of men. Both genders are very similar in that respect.
@Archie “Are men and women’s libidos a perfect match? Because everything I’ve ever read, known, experienced suggested men’s libidos are significantly higher on average, more frequent that is.” That’s because you are looking through the patriarchal lens. The following comment I read on a blog (sorry, can’t remember where), mirrors my view exactly. “I disagree with your contention that the burden of proof lies with those of us who are skeptical of the “men are more horny than women” theory. I believe that the burden of proof lies with those advancing the theory, and to prove it, they need to… Read more »
“That’s because you are looking through the patriarchal lens. ” No, it’s because I was told by people over n over n over. I have very rarely heard of a man wanting LESS sex than his partner but plenty n plenty of times have I heard of a woman not engaging in sex with her partner anywhere near as much as he wants. This isn’t patriarchy talking, this is real couples talking of real issues, far far more women have told me that sex isn’t a big deal yet for most men I hear from they want MORE sex than… Read more »
You make some pretty insightful points, although #18, NEVER, even if you pulled my fingernails out, would I ever do that one! I mean, It would just not be worth it to hear about any thing I might say for the rest of my life!
Spot on!
Here’s what I LOVE about this list. Everything here boils down to two main suggestions.
#1) Own and manage your own issues.
#2) Make space for your partner’s individuality in your relationship
#19 is so very important as well. For both men and women, learning how to be loved is a huge gift to their partners.
In this regard, this article applies to both men and women.
Well put Mark. Many of the above comments miss the forest for the trees. Don’t be so specific people! The overall message of the article is excellent.
“10. You have $1500 shoes and men have sport and XBOX; there is yin and there is yang. And plenty of room for both.” Holy shit. What kind of women are you TALKING about? The only thing I’ve spent 1500 on is a horse. And, eventually, a car. I think this is where this article loses it for me. I figure there is a certain type of person who works for Penthouse and while that’s fine and dandy for her, she probably does have a bit of a convoluted vision of what women on the other side of the spectrum… Read more »
I can’t imagine spending $1500 on shoes.
Heh, the price point was just a price point. For her, I’d imagine $1500 is considered ‘too much’ to spend on shoes, but not so much that it’s a bank breaker. For me and you, $300 would probably fit a little better. I’m a fairly manly guy. A lot of this article didn’t fit me (I don’t play video games. I do spend far too much on clothes. I don’t mind short calls on my nights out, so long as they actually are short and there’s only one or two of them), but most of it did. I don’t let… Read more »
My boyfriend has a Xbox 360, and I have a PlayStation 3, we both have computers we can use for gaming, mine being somewhat more powerful than his (he has my old one). We just don’t like the same kinds of game. I tend to favor single player RPGs, or MMOs (but still tend to solo), he tends to favor single player FPS, or survival horror (also single player). I wouldn’t spend 1500$ on a console, but I spent nearly that on my computer. The most I spent on clothes stuff is a 400$ dress (275$ +30$ shipping +100$ border… Read more »
I dumped 10k on camera equipment, although it’s for a business but still men do spend quite a pretty penny on hobbies. Although a 1500 dollar computer has a fuckload more uses than a 1500 dollar pair of shoes unless the woman uses them to win a major foot modeling contract or something. 😛
Trans women gamers also spend a pretty penny on their hobbies, and I’m extremely selective in what games I buy (I buy at most 5 games a year). I have an Intellivision, a NES, a SNES, a Genesis, a PS2, a PS3, and games for all these. The Intellivision was bought before my birth, the NES when I was a kid, both by my father. I probably have another copy than the one he bought though (for the NES). The Genesis was a family buy in 1993, the others were all bought by me. I also lost 2 PS1s (got… Read more »
Well put Ms Ryan, I like your advices 🙂
Fabulous post Ms Ryan. Very well said/put.
Old school dies hard. The blessing of chronological age is, by the time you reach my era you know all these things. Applying the accrued knowledge renders unimaginable bliss.
This ‘reality show mentality’ luring people into lower dimensions doesn’t help.Yin-yang polarity, (individually and collectively) is off it’s axis, has been for thousands of years.
Me, the eternal optimist and why I write/speak about the subject.
A lot of generalizations but this advice will work for some but doesn’t apply to all.
Great article!
Most strippers have to pay the house to work. They have rigged the system to make the dancers dependent on “lap dancing” which in many cases encourages competition between dancers to provide a nastier experience for the “gentlemen” (ha) who in turn exploit the dancers further by pressuring her to perform sexual acts. If she does not make enough, she will owe the club money at the end of her shift. Most clubs will allow dancers to get into debt and then turn on the pressure to perform sexual acts. Sad fact.
Sounds like there is a massive demand, or at least an economic niche, for clubs run by the women themselves, or clubs that can offer better terms for their performers.
That would require them to get off their ass n setup a club, change the rules instead of simply allowing the status quo to continue. I seriously find it hard to believe that after this time there wouldn’t be a bunch of clubs run by people that give a damn, or at least a lot of options to get there. A stupid club would extort their performers so much, a happy worker means more money…
I believe there is a woman owned strip club in San Francisco (The Lusty Lady?) that is supposed to be a good place for women to work. When I was in school in SF years ago, I remember hearing about it.
Not really. The same economic dynamics will win out. Men simply will not go to a strip club these days without lap dances. The internet put an end to that — your average stripper can’t compete with your average porn star, and you can’t fap at a strip club.
Even if a woman did start a club like that, it wouldn’t be long before either it folded, or she did.
#7 could go even further, I think. Men’s attraction to women is not a finite quantity. It’s not a zero-sum game or a single pie that can only be cut so many times. If a man finds another woman physically attractive, that does not make him LESS attracted to his partner. He’s not spreading his attraction thin, and he’s not automatically re-ordering his priorities. A turned head is 99.9% of the time just a turned head. Being turned on by you has really no bearing on whether or not he’s turned on by other women, and vice versa. In his… Read more »
There are no “secrets” to men or to women. Each person is an individual. No set of rules or lists is going to allow understanding of the person/people you’re dealing with. What works 100% of the time is clear, open, and honest communication. If one of you can’t do this, there is bound to be problems. When we can communicate openly and honestly and seek to understand each other on an individual basis, relationships will prosper. Or maybe they will end, which is fine too. All to say, when we understand each other clearly we can decide if it’s a… Read more »
#12: I just texted my karate sensei to come out and meet us at the local Irish bar tonight (he just had twin baby girls and I am sure he needs to decompress!)…let’s hope he can escape the house for at least one beer!
“2. Most men don’t want a girlfriend with inner thighs as tight as bridge supports.” The underlying muscles, on the other hand….. 😉 “3. A man won’t notice or care that you’re wearing a couture skirt or carrying a fashionable handbag if you smile with your eyes as he approaches.” And your mouth. Smile with your mouth too. “5. Don’t judge the content of a man’s character solely by the clothes he wears, and don’t get angry if he judges you on the length of your skirt; men determine what you’re looking for in direct proportion to how much skin… Read more »
Men hate mind-reading games.
Amen!