Early dating is tough—it can feel like there are a million ways to go wrong.
Relax.
There are also lots of ways to get it right. Here’s your head start: a list of things virtual strangers have done that got my attention.
- Planned a date around an art museum he’s a member of after asking if I was interested in visiting it, gave me a tour of the museum, and bought me a cute umbrella because it was pouring when we left.
- Took me on a long walk around the city with his dog (and brought me out to a nice meal after).
- Let me pay for his drink on our first meetup after I insisted.
- Paid for our first coffee date and didn’t object when I wanted to split every time after that.
- Made up reasons to pay for most of our meals without making it a big deal, and accepted me cooking dinners in return.
- Did my dishes while I cooked — without being asked.
- Insisted on taking me out for a belated birthday, picked me up at my door, expressed enthusiasm when I said I’d wear a dress, and dressed nicely to match.
- Handled an angry driver whose car I scratched when trying to get around him in a tight alley, making me feel protected and cared for — not bad for a first date.
- Told me to text him when I arrived at his crowded neighborhood so he could give me his parking space.
- Bought me eggs and an avocado the first time I slept over at his house because I’d once sent him a photo of the avocado toast I’d made for breakfast.
- When asked if he wanted to get an after-dinner drink or do something epically dumb, chose epically dumb and we had a blast.
- Went dancing with me even though he doesn’t like dancing, and when I texted to thank him, replied, “You’re sexy af and I was honoured.” The kind attitude was even better than his willingness to get out of his comfort zone to make me happy.
- Bought me breakfast at a diner in the middle of the night and let me eat his hash browns.
- Snuck out of work and drove an hour round-trip just to spend 30 minutes with me on my birthday.
- Instead of playing games, called me the same night after our great — but short — first date ended when he had to meet up with friends.
- Listened attentively to my stories. Easy, right?
- Gave sincere, wholesome compliments. Told me I was beautiful without making it awkward (if I could tell you how he pulled that one off, I would).
- Ordered appetizers for our quick one-drink meetup. (You just can’t go wrong with this move. I’m always hungrier than I planned for and don’t enjoy eating while my date watches).
- Walked with me in the rain. Unexpectedly delightful.
- Let me be sad and quiet and gave me lots of hugs when I was down after a family emergency.
- Adorably had a mental checklist of questions he wanted to ask based on my bio, and told me about said checklist (I also learned I shouldn’t date anyone young enough to use the word “adorably” about but that’s not on him).
4 dating principles you can take away from this
The ‘who pays?’ dance can be a tricky one but there’s more than one way to handle it. Be flexible and attentive to the other person’s cues. I like when someone offers to pay on the first date but I’ve never judged someone for insisting on paying for me, splitting the check, or letting me pay when I offered.
Being considerate and showing sincere interest are the bare minimum for getting a second date. And vulnerability wins over bragging.
Proceed cautiously with compliments. There have been times a compliment gave me the ick — comments on my body are waaaay off limits on a first or second date — but sincere compliments can also signal interest.
Originality makes a date more fun. You don’t need to plan something interesting for a first date but it does make it more fun and usually longer. Check to see that your date doesn’t hate it, though, folk museums and long walks aren’t everyone’s cup of tea.
Bonus tip: Appetizers never hurt. Feed me and I’m yours forever.
Questions? Have your own story? I would love to hear about your experiences.
Or read A dozen first dates, one sentence each.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
From The Good Men Project on Medium
 |
 |
 |
 |
***
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—–
Photo credit: Good Faces on Unsplash
