I want to start out by saying that each one of these is a faux paux…but by golly, if you start combining them, she’s not even going to stay at dinner long enough to get dessert. (Literal, not figurative dessert.)
Oh, and for the record, one guy I met from tinder did ALL of these in one night. I wanted to leave so badly that I paid for BOTH of our dinners and left when he was in the restroom.
1. Don’t invite her up to your apartment before you go do something in public, that is, coffee, dinner, etc. It makes it look like you think she’s either easy, gullible, or not worth doing something in public with first. Why take her to dinner if you can get her alone to begin with? And guilt-tripping her when she says no isn’t going to do you any favors. Nor is saying, “What, it’s not like I’m going to rape you…” Yeah, made me regret my decision to carpool to dinner right away. Yes, on hindsight, it is 20/20 poor choice on my part. I do always carry a taser though.
2. Make plans to meet her at the place you’ve decided on. Don’t beg her to carpool with you. She doesn’t care if you’re the nicest guy ever and just want to show that you have a company car and want to open its doors for her; if she doesn’t end up liking you, she will feel trapped.
3. I don’t care how long you’ve been texting before you meet up or how much money you make. You aren’t entitled to cop a feel of anything or touch any skin that’s showing, especially if it’s hot out. And for Pete’s sake…if she tells you that makes her uncomfortable, don’t keep trying it over and over. It makes you look desperate and pushy and is just going to make her run.
4. Do not try to sneak-attack a kiss on the cheek. No matter what you say, it just looks like a poorly aimed mouth kiss. Besides, you’ll get your feelings hurt when you try it early on and get deflected. It also makes you look pushy/desperate. If you try it once and get deflected, don’t be stupid enough to try it multiple times after that. You aren’t performing a science experiment. The fifth try will not magically make her have feelings for you or guilt her into reciprocity.
5. Study up on body language. If her body is constantly angled away from you, arm is always straight out and acting as a barrier, she either isn’t comfortable or is in a defensive position, or she doesn’t like you. Either way, give her space.
6. Saying a fake prayer after she says she’s going to church in the morning, then copping a feel after is a good way to look like a hypocrite. Just don’t!
7. Don’t insult her intelligence. Asking anyone questions about things literally everyone knows, like “Do you know who Michael Phelps is?” is just ridiculous. If you think she’s that dumb, why did you go on a date in the first place?
8. Don’t lie about your work/school. Don’t say you’re anything other than what you are. The right person will appreciate you for you. The ones you feel like you need to catfish to go out with you probably aren’t your type anyway. No one likes being lied to.
9. Don’t push her to say she’ll go out with you in the future, even if you have sweet concert tickets, NFL tickets, etc. You can’t buy or bribe love. You’ll know at the end of the date if she wants to see you again. Trying to make her promise to go with you to concerts and such in the middle of the date after having known each other for an hour is ridiculous.
10. “Accidentally” running into your friends downtown just to show off your arm candy for the night screams impatient and juvenile. All things in due time. If you make it to the stage of getting to meet each other’s friends, great, but I bet it’s not on date 1 and you would feel just as awkward meeting her friends too soon.
Photo: Avinash Kotekar/ Model: Ujjwal Dahiya
First published in Be Better At Dating