As a single girl, I’m back in hell — I mean on dating apps — again. I’m no stranger to the endless swiping, first-message requests for sex, and a whole lot of ghosting.
And yet, Tinder, Bumble, HER, and Hinge are all still downloaded on my phone, perfect for moments of loneliness and boredom.
I wish I could embrace singlehood more — I’m working on it, I promise! — but as I’m sure you know, it’s hard. I see friends with their partners. I miss having a big spoon. I want to be “baby.”
To cope with all the mess that comes with, long story short, a lack of success on these apps, I decided to introduce some humor to the mix.
Tell me I’m not the only one who has these thoughts.
(Please.)
…
- OK, there are hotter guys on Bumble and Hinge than Tinder.
- …But more people respond to my messages on Tinder.
- Yikes, kinda falling in love with this guy….*unmatch*
- A hookup? With a man? Not in this post-Roe hellscape.
- Hmm, a polyamorous person…I could be down with that.
- WHY IS IT SO HARD TO MATCH WITH PEOPLE.
- Another couple where the girl is hotter than the guy!
- I really hope he swipes right on me, but I don’t know, he’s really hot. Like out of my league, for sure.
- Ah yes, another person to ghost me.
- I’m bored…I might just ghost them.
- Is this a cute, flirty message or a cringy message? *Sends anyway*
- WHY IS IT SO HARD TO MATCH WITH WOMEN.
- Get me out of here.
- Maybe I should change the age range. I could be into someone older, right?
- How long before I meet the love of my life on here?
- How did so many of my friends meet their future SPOUSES on these god-forsaken apps?
- Should I just delete them?
- It’s fine. (It’s not fine.)
- So you’re telling me the women I would hook up with aren’t interested, and the men I wouldn’t are all over me? Cool.
- Huh? I already used all my right swipes on Hinge!?
- Maybe I should just get the premium version.
- Never mind, it costs way too much.
- Ah yes, another guy who asks for a hookup within the first two messages.
- So I finally match with a woman, and she “just wants a friend”…get on Bumble BFF, girl! I’m trying to have sex.
- He’s cute, right? (He was not cute.)
- Oh thank god, I finally matched with someone…Wait, I don’t remember swiping right on them.
- Okay yeah, I’m deleting the apps.
- Screw it, I’m downloading them again. It’s fine.
…
If you’ve felt any of these ways, you’re definitely not alone. While some (lucky) people have found partners on dating apps, it’s completely normal to, well, not — and that doesn’t mean you aren’t attractive, likeable, or worthy of love.
So…Let’s all suffer together until we meet our person or people, because we will — right? Right!?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
