Once upon a time, you met someone. You were texting and calling each other until past midnight. Everything seemed to be going well until suddenly, the replies started to slow down.
You found yourself staring at your phone for a long time waiting for a notification. The conversation that was once engaging turned into something similar to the Sahara desert. It felt dry and forced and you were wondering what happened.
Sounds familiar? That situation is called “soft ghosting” where someone slowly disappears from your life until they are totally gone to nowhere. Going through this is frustrating and you may get confused about what is happening.
“Is he mad at me?”
“Did I say something disappointing to her?”
“Is there something wrong with me?”
Instead of letting the negative feelings and thoughts bother you, it’s important to address the situation directly. By facing the problem, you can either get the answer that you want to hear, or get the answer that you need in order for you to move on.
Here are three things you can say to someone who is slowly ghosting you:
Address the Change Directly
“Hey, I notice that our conversations are not as engaging as before. Is there something wrong?”
It’s crucial to address right away whatever problem is going on in a relationship because it can turn into something bigger that will be harder to resolve in the future. There’s a saying “communication is the key to a harmonious relationship.” If you don’t speak out whatever is bothering you, you will never get your answer that will set you free. You will continuously ask yourself some questions that you can’t answer on your own. If you ask this question, you are not only showing that you care and you are genuinely interested in building a connection with someone, but you are also doing yourself a favor by gaining clarity. This simple question will be the start of an honest conversation that will give the other person an opportunity to understand what’s in their head. It’s a way to strengthen the connection and to make sure that any misunderstandings are clarified.
Express your feelings
“I really enjoyed our conversations, but I’ve been noticing that you are losing interest. If that’s the case, I’d like you to be honest with me.”
Imagine that you would spend your whole day and stay past midnight just regularly texting someone. You thought that you two had a special connection because you had been sharing jokes and stories, but then suddenly their replies became shorter and less frequent. You noticed that excitement had already gone leaving you with a question “what happened?”
In this situation, and in every situation, it’s important that you speak out how you feel. No one will know how you really feel until you say something. Remember that feelings are meant to be expressed, not buried alive. If you are not honest about how you feel about the situation, it’s either you love what is happening or you’re afraid of the answer that you will not like but you will need.
Give Them an Out
“If you don’t feel that we can continue our connection anymore or if you need some space, I understand. Just let me know where we stand.”
Picture this: You’ve been in a “relationship” for a while and everything is going according to what you desire. However, lately, you’ve started to notice that your significant other is slowly distancing himself or herself from you. He or she takes longer to respond to your texts and calls. He or she is less enthusiastic about spending more time with you; they will cancel plans more frequently.
You ask yourself “what will I do now?”
I will say this over and over again in this article:
If you need clarity, always ask the question that is bothering you. Instead of making assumptions, ask the person directly “do you need some space?” The only disadvantage of asking this question is that you may get an answer that will leave you heartbroken. The advantage is that it will help you move forward.
Not being able to move forward, because you never get an answer is a lot worse than a heart being broken.
A broken heart can still heal.
Living in lies and assumptions will bring no growth to your life.
Being ghosted or slowly ghosted by someone is one of the worst feelings anyone can have. But remember, you are in control of your life. Don’t let a person who doesn’t know what he or she wants rule your sanity.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Thalia Ruiz on Unsplash
