Before going into a serious relationship, the most important thing to be conscious of is quite simple actually: self-awareness. It’s easy to get so caught up in finding someone that you lose yourself in the process and the relationship turns out being the complete opposite of what you expected. Why does this happen? Because you simply aren’t considering your own feelings in the relationship. You’re so caught up in pleasing the other person. At the end of the day, please yourself and I guarantee others will follow.
Our ideal partner is more than likely someone who is a reflection of us. Someone who understands YOU. Someone who can relate to YOU.
Many people go through life being in relationship after relationship. They are so reliant on others that they don’t even know themselves at all. These are the people who don’t know what it’s like to be confident in themselves, they have had everything handed to them. Maybe they’ve never accomplished anything without the help of their significant other?
The people who can’t stand to be alone, they have always had someone to talk to. Someone to tell their problems to. Instead of dealing with it personally.
It’s sad that some people also don’t know what it is to truly be happy. They consider happiness almost as if it is a “destination”. That if I get this car, that boy, that girl, this house, the latest high-tech gadget, then they WILL be happy. Yes, you may be happy. Temporarily. That’s the key word. Happiness is an emotion, it comes and goes.
Now, with touching base on these few topics, let me elaborate just a little bit to try and steer you towards the right direction on which you can achieve that self-love you need in order to successfully love all of those who come into your path.
1. Confidence
Gaining that confidence in yourself might be the hardest thing for you to do, or the easiest thing to do, depending on the way you look at it. Start out by asking yourself simple questions. Questions maybe that you never thought you would ask yourself because they sound so bizarre.
Try asking yourself, “Do I like myself?”, “What do I like about myself?”, “What makes me who I am?” Embrace that. Flaunt it. Own it.
Look into the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you are. Tell yourself that you are worth it. Tell yourself that you’re amazing. Repetition is a great thing. And it works. Don’t believe me? Try it yourself and see.
At first, you may think you’re crazy, but, the way you present yourself will either positively effect you or negatively effect you. It’s your choice. Believe in all that you are. Everyone has insecurities. We’re human beings. Don’t shy away because of one flaw you think you have, you could miss out on something so spectacular. If you truly believe that you are beautiful, someone will do the same.
2. Being Comfortable with “Loneliness”
One of the greatest life lessons I have ever learned was being comfortable being alone with myself.
Have you ever thought; “Why am I sitting alone at home?”, “I need to hangout with someone”, or whenever you are actually “alone” you’re constantly distracting yourself from your own thoughts. You do this by, maybe, playing on your phone or sitting on the computer aimlessly scrolling through your Twitter feed.
Try sitting in complete silence just for about 5-10 minutes. Yes, you may consider yourself being completely bored to death. I did at first as well, so you’re not alone there. But just sit there, be with your own thoughts. This can be overwhelming. Especially if you have never sat in silence before. But, that makes it all the more necessary.
We live in a generation that is constantly moving and growing. Almost as if we have no time to sit and breathe. Focus on nothing but the now. On what you are doing at this very moment.
Instead of distracting yourself by being on your phone or reading the latest gossip on social media, go for a walk. Put the cellphone down and go into the fresh air. This world was made for you. Look at the trees. Listen to the birds sing. Feel the wind in your hair. All these things can be so much more fulfilling to you and also make you comfortable being in your own presence.
Ease your mind. Consider writing a journal. Life doesn’t have to be 140 characters or less. As simple as just waking up in the morning – take a deep breath, focus on your breathing. And most importantly, let go of the expectations you think people have towards you. Life isn’t always going to go 100% as planned. You’re not perfect. Be still. Be present. At the end of the day, realize this, you are the person you go to bed with every night. When you look into the mirror, it’s a reflection of who you are. Be comfortable with that. Realize deeply that you are one.
3. True Happiness
In the beginning of Beyonce’s song ‘Pretty Hurts’, a man asks, “What is your aspiration in life?”
Beyonce simply replied, “My aspiration in life…would be… to be happy”.
I think we could all agree we would say the same thing in one way or another. But, what is happiness?
Angry, mad, sad, glad, scared, calm, crabby, crazed, bored, frustrated, stressed, cheerful, happy.
All these are emotions and feelings that come and go.
How can I just BE happy?
Happiness is not a mental state that will permanently stay put in your life.
By being who you are and letting go of the negative things in your life, achieving happiness becomes so much more easier for you. Being a happy person doesn’t mean you are always smiling, and it doesn’t mean you never have a bad day. Hell, we all have bad days. But genuinely being happy, you focus always on the good of a situation and what impacted you instead of instantly jumping to the bad. It may sound cliche, but true happiness comes from within. Within believing in ourselves. Don’t look for something or someone to bring you that happiness you have longed to desire for. Look to yourself. That happiness you’ve been searching for is right in front of you. Happiness is a choice. Appreciate what you have and no longer compare yourself to others. Start in this very moment to choose and be happy. Not tomorrow. Not next week. But, now. Everything else is uncertain. Learn how to detach yourself specifically on the outcome of the situation and just enjoy the ride.
You can never be happy as someone’s other half unless you can be happy as a whole all on your own.
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Photo: Alexander Begnel
Very inspirational post. I totally agree we should have to believe ourselves before believing others. I am feeling more confident and happy now. Thanks for the inspiration.