3 Quick Ways to Self-Improve Before Getting Back on the Dating Market

Let me take a wild guess; you’re fresh out of a relationship, putting yourself back out there, or you’ve been on the dating market without success?

I’ll take another guess; you’re exhausted?

While I understand your position, we should backtrack to some pieces of the process that you skipped over.

I know; it’s not easy transitioning into the unknown or feeling excited when you haven’t had luck.

Do you know what else isn’t easy? Expectations of a different outcome when you haven’t made any personal adjustments.

You believe that the dating market has to adjust to you and your current state.

It doesn’t, and it never will.

The dating market has values and characteristics that, if you possess them, set you up for success and help you stand out over others.

Let’s get you on the right track before you head out there.

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Accept you for you

I said earlier the dating market does not care about your reality but rather the perception that sets you apart.

It is the harsh reality; the choice is yours to accept it.

The dating market does not care that you are fresh out of a relationship, that your confidence is low, or that you are shy.

It cares that you appear to be the exact opposite.

My point is not to fake it until you make it or to pretend to be something you’re not.

The goal is to manage your reality until you are the person you desire to become.

Work on yourself until you fill in the gaps you’re lacking.

Accept the position you’re in and at the same time, imagine dating someone in your current place.

Think about this. Do you want to date someone who has trust issues and lacks motivation or needs external validation? No.

Again, the dating market isn’t personal to you.

Accept where you are in your life, and stop making reasons why everyone has to accept you for who you are.

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The only person that has to accept your current state is you.

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Shut up and do it

Remember that project you were going to get started on or that workout plan you wanted to execute.

Get off your ass and do it.

How does this relate to dating?

One of the most impressive things you can do, regardless of your gender, is to follow through on what you say.

You don’t have to become a millionaire overnight or drop twenty pounds in a month. People are impressed with the progress and focus.

Ambition displays progress, no matter what pace you are moving.

Progress shows that you have a goal and a vision.

Nothing is more irresistible than someone with a vision.

Along that same thought, people are drawn to doers and people who don’t talk about what they want to or will do.

For instance, you are reading this article because you want a boost in morale or motivation to do something. Great!

But…

While I am providing some backup insight, you know good and well what you have to do. So get off your ass and do it.

Your personal life transitions into your dating life because it fills in the gaps where the conversation becomes robotic.

“I am a server at the local bistro, and I like to read.” Dull.

“I am a server learning the ins and outs of the restaurant business model because I plan on opening a food cart. In my free- time, I read personal development material because I want to grow and become more mindful.”

You open the gap for someone to relate through their experiences or interest in what you strive toward in life.

You aren’t lying, and you are providing a vision. Have a vision.

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Quit cheating

The game is the game, and the game will never change.

You will not be everyone’s cup of tea, but you will be somebody’s double espresso shot.

You will go on fun dates, and some will suck.

Understand that in the process, your value does not change.

What does this have to do with self-improvement?

Listen and listen carefully.

Once you grasp the power and learn the value of being able to walk away, moving on to the next person, refusing to put anyone on a pedestal, not falling for attraction, and valuing yourself, dating becomes incredibly easy.

Quit cheating on the game. Some people are dating to hook up, get over an ex, find their spouse, or use people for attention. The truth is, you have no clue!

You apply so much of your “downfall” as personal to you when it is only related to the game.

Some people suck, lol.

Understand the game, and once you understand that the only thing you control is you, I promise you will never be frustrated with the process again.

Do you know why dating sucks for you? Because you get stuck on the idea of someone you just met, and you lock your options down to one person, and when that falls through, so do your hopes.

Why are you so reliant on someone else when you always have the option to choose yourself? I want you to read that three times and ask yourself that.

If you think about it and the result leaves you sad and lonely, refer to method number 1 of this article and start over. Do you get my point now?

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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